ADVICE RATING |
 4.65 (Highly recommend) from 16 votes (56 Visits) |
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Being pregnant when those close to you can't conceive. |
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I thought I would write something about this as I have had personal experience with my sister.
I found out after we had our first child (he was about 6 months old) that my sister and her husband had tried conceiving around the time I had fallen pregnant. After not getting her period for a few months but the tests coming back negative they went to the dr and found out she wasn't ovulating and had only been getting a period because she was on the pill. So they started down the IVF track. She didn't tell me until after I had had my bub because she felt like she would be taking away from it in some way.
When she told me what had been happening I couldn't believe it. How could I fall pregnant - and I was on the pill at the time - but she could not? It was so unfair. I told her that whatever she needed I was there for her- if she didn't have any eggs I would dotate some, if she couldn't carry a bub I would do it for her. After having a child of my own there was nothing I wouldn't do to help her have the same thing.
So they started with their IVF treatment and after over 12 months of unsuccessful attempts they finally found out they were expecting! I was over the moon for them and so excited about the fact that we had just found out we were expecting out second child and they were due two weeks apart!! It was great to know we would be going through it all together. She went for her first scan a week before I did, even though I was further along than her, because of doing IVF. I was waiting by my phone to hear all about it when my Mum rang and said my sister wasn't up to ringing me, when they had the scan they found an empty sac. So her body still thought she was pregnant even though the embryo had died. I was devestated for them, I couldn't even begin to think how she was feeling. Then the next thing I thought of was how I was going to be a constant reminder of what she didn't have.
I found the best thing though was not to hide away from her and keep stuff from her, that would have been the worst thing I could have done. I know she had said in the past that she hated when people didn't tell her they were pregnant because of what she was going through. Just because it wasn't happening for her didn't mean that she wasn't happy and didn't want it for other people that were pregnant. So I included her in everything that I could and never once held back. I did have my days where I would get down and have a cry about it, but I know she did too and it is only natural.
She is now 32 weeks pregnant and their bub is due two weeks after our daughter's birthday, nearly exactly when the last bub was due as well.
If you know of someone that is having trouble conceiving and you are trying to get pregnant/are pregnant then don't exclude them or feel bad for them. It's not what they want, treat them as you normally would. They are happy for you no matter what they are going through themselves and will probably feel worse if you don't tell them or put off telling them and they find out from someone else. My sister had even had people say to her "Oh yeah, we've told everyone else but I didn't know how to tell you." and that made her feel like these people felt sorry for her and didn't want her included in the special time in thier lives. Just because someone is having trouble having a bub themselves doesn't mean they don't want to share in your joy.
(May 8th) (
