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How Becoming A Mother Changed My Life

alishas-mummy by alishas-mummy Talking(May 2008) (rank 255th)

When I first decided to write this, I was in tears. I had just gotten off the phone with my mother, and it was the first time that I had properly told her that I loved her. This was only 30 minutes ago.

Growing up, my parents always took

care of me financially. In our family, there were my two older brothers, me and my younger sister. My parents sent us to a private school, drove us to school everyday, always provided us with enough lunch money, and always had food on the table.

But as a teenager, I always felt that my parents only cared about the financial aspects of raising a child, not the emotional ones. And for someone like me, that wasn't enough.

I remember when my mum yelled at my sister for falling down the stairs when it wasn't even her fault.
I remember my mother asking me to help her water the plants, then yelling at me for not doing it right.
I remember receiving no praise when I did well in a test or in an exam.
I remember asking myself whether my parents even loved me, or were proud of me.

I felt like my parents didn't even take notice when I did well in school, or at the fact that I studied every single day, and never touched drugs once; it was like nothing was ever good enough for them. I didn't understand why my mother would give me an earful if I wanted to use the internet for 10 minutes, when all I ever did was stay at home and study everyday. I was never forced to study; it was just my choice, because my parents had taught me to be hard-working and studious, character traits that I am truly grateful for.

Yet could you believe that, the only time I went out on a school night, was to see the movie "American Wedding" all alone on my birthday. My school friends couldn't come out with me because it was a school night, and neither could my siblings, so I had to go alone. Lol

My hubby once told me that if his parents had me as their child, they would've been so proud. It's funny because my parents never saw the positive qualities that everybody else saw in me. Yet, they were my own parents. I guess that's the thing, I was the perfect child in other people's eyes, but to my parents, I wasn't much.

Throughout my high school years and into my university years, I would get into intense arguments with my mother over the smallest things. Sometimes things of a large magnitude. I always felt that she provoked me, blaming me for things that weren't even my fault. And I thought that if I didn't say anything, then nothing would change. So almost everyday was spent yelling and subsequently, this went on for years.

It got to the stage where our relationship wasn't the only one that was impaired. My once close relationship to my second eldest brother became non-existent. He and I would get into a similar routine - arguing constantly. And it seemed that the same thing had also happened between my younger sister and I.

In retrospective, I still believe that many of these arguments were not entirely initiated by me, but by them as well. Even now, I see myself as someone who does not speak up unless I believe that there is seriously something worth speaking up about. I am not a troublemaker, I do not like to hurt people, and I will do anything to reduce conflict.

I guess the reason why all those problems arose was because my family and I thought differently to one another. Growing up as an Asian, you know that discipline is no less than strict. 95% would not be good enough on a test. That is, unless you beat everyone in your grade to do it. You were definitely not allowed to date until you were in University. And if you didn't get into University, then you would bring shame on the family.

Yet the most important value in Asian culture is respecting your mother and father. And for me, I did respect my parents, but when I felt they weren't respecting me, I would speak up. But being an Asian, that was absolutely NOT allowed. And I think that's where all the fights began. My family thought I always jumped to conclusions and was causing unnecessary fights. But I would only speak up when people blamed me for things I never did and would never dare to do.

So, even now, that's how I rationalise all that behaviour. But you know what? After having my daughter Alisha (who is now 11 months old), I've realised that I shouldn't rationalise it all or give excuses. I guess it took a lot for me to grow up. Some people need to be abused, some people to experience trauma, but for me, I needed to become a mother to grow up. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't "use" Alisha and think of her as the "thing" that helped me to grow up. She and my hubby are the greatest loves in my life.

But when I became a mother, I saw a side to my mum that I never saw before. I thought that I needed to hear that my parents loved me or were proud of me, for it to be true. I believed that if they didn't ask how I was that day or know what to buy me for Christmas, then somehow, they didn't know their own daughter.

But I was so wrong. When I think back to when Alisha was first born, I remember all those late night feeds. I remember bursting into tears, thinking how hard it was sometimes. Even now, I think about how hard it is to be a parent - financially, emotionally, physically and mentally.

And this is what makes me love my parents so much. Alisha is only 11 months old, yet this so-called "short journey" has already been a strenuous one. And it makes me look at my parents with a greater deal of respect.

I look back on the conversations we used to have, where I would question my parents about their love for me. They would always say: "We paid for your car, we pay for your insurance.. Of course we love you". And I remember thinking: "But that doesn't mean you love me.. It’s just money".

But I was so wrong about that. Because, now, I tell myself, where would Alisha be if I couldn't buy her nappies, or buy her food? My love for her wouldn't be enough, not realistically anyway.

And truth is, just because somebody doesn't love you the way that you want, doesn't mean that they don't love you. I now believe and understand that my parents do love me. And I believe it so much, that I cry now. I remember all those arguments I used to have with them, where I would scream and yell, accusing my mother of not loving me. Honestly, I believe that I was selfish and didn't know how hard it was to be a parent.

That's why, two weeks ago, when my parents came to visit, I made sure they knew. We went to KFC to pick up some food and in the car, I told them how much I appreciated everything they were doing for me. You know, I wouldn't even be living in this house without them. They saw this house up for sale, put in an offer for us, and then told us about it after. They helped us to close the offer, and they are now helping us with our monthly repayments. Don't get me wrong, we try our hardest with the mortgage, but it's extremely difficult making payments as it is now $4700 per month. So my parents offered to help, to much of my hesitation.

And it's things like that... that made me understand how much my parents love me. I now look back on other things they did, and realise now that those were acts of love too. For example, when I was still learning to drive, I lost motivation for it, because my driving instructors weren't the best of people. But to my surprise, my parents bought me a car, to motivate me to keep going. And when I was nowhere near becoming an adult, they talked about how they planned to save enough money to buy houses for all of us kids. It was so we wouldn't have to worry when we got older.

I remember nights when I was in bed, and I could hear my parents talking about us. Yet I knew what they were talking about. They were talking about our future and how they would help us lead less stressful lives. That's the sort of parents they are. Even when I'm stressed or upset, my mum knows before I tell her. My mother even had a dream that I was pregnant, way before I even told her.

And when my parents did find out that I was pregnant, they didn't go crazy like I thought they would. They supported me all the way. My mother even nagged me for a photo to show all of her friends. Lol. She also took us on our first shopping trip for Alisha. And the first time my mum saw Alisha, she cried. It was so beautiful and a dream come true, considering all the pain I'd caused my mother.

And today, when I spoke to my mum on the phone, I cried because I couldn't believe that I'd put my own mother through so much. Yes, it's true, she probably provoked me at the time, but did it really matter? Weighing that up against what she DID and DOES for me, makes me forget anything she ever said or did to me.

You know, I remember when I was shopping for my Year 11 School Ball (aka Formal aka Prom) and I saw this $15 handbag that I wanted. I usually didn't ask my mother for things unless I really wanted them. And my mother yelled at me and replied with: "You always look at everything and want everything!!" And I remember thinking: "If you didn't want to buy it for me, why didn't you just say no? Why did you have to insult me?" But now I know. And the answer makes me cry. I now know that it was pride that got to my mum. It was the fact that we were never that rich. And as a child, I think I didn't realise how much we weren't. And I think my mother would have rather yelled at me, than let me know how financially in trouble we really were.

And all this makes me cry because I was so selfish. I always took for granted how much my parents were there for me, and that I never bothered to understand their situation more. My brother always told me to, yet I never listened. But now I know. Though, I don't try to "make up for lost time". I try to learn from my past mistakes and treat my parents the way that they always deserved to be treated.

You know, we all make mistakes. We all take people for granted. But it's “the now” that counts. That's why the relationship between my parents and I is so much better now. It would be a lie to say that we agree on everything, because no two people in the world could or would. But I am much more understanding of them now, always taking into consideration all the advice and help they try to give to me.

I used to believe that no matter how stressed a parent is, they should never take it out on a child. I still believe that's true, to an extent though. Because after having Alisha, I realise that there are a countless number of stresses occurring on a day-to-day basis, ones that I never could have imagined. And instead of getting angry at my parents, I should have been more understanding. Because now I look back and realise that just because my mother yelled at me, doesn't mean she didn't love me. All those other acts of love, for example, thinking about my future, proved that she did.

And even now, when we check our bank balance and are aware of what my parents are doing for us, I know how much they love me. They could never say it again and I'd still know. Because like they say: "Actions speak louder than words"... and their actions sound so loud and clear now.

So, I guess, my moral is, as human beings we all make mistakes. We hurt the ones we love, we say things we don't mean, and we may not treat others in an ideal way. But that doesn't mean that we don't love them at all. Nor that they don’t love us. The world is not perfect and neither are we, but if we choose to love each other, it is important that we accept one another’s faults. If you love others for who they are, then they will love you just the same.

Also remember to treat each day as if it were your last, and cherish every moment bestowed upon you.

And do try to live life without regret…

As I was lucky enough that my mother and father hadn’t passed away, before I could tell them that I loved them.

That moment for you all may not be too late....

Any contributed content above is the subjective opinion of that member or external author, and not of Minti.com Pty Ltd. If you are searching for health related advice we strongly suggest you seek professional medical support. View our Terms of Service for more details.
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tweezas
January 2009 | tweezas
Re: How Becoming A Mother Changed My Life

that was a really good read i wish i could say its the same way i feel but i can't my mother was a nasty person in my life the memories from that will always be with me but now that my mother has passed it now feels to me that i can move on and look at the things that she had done to me and know i'll never put my baby girl through that my mother loved her drugs more then she would ever have loved her children.

my little girl means the world to me i was told for years i couldn't carry a child but i did and my child will feel my love and know that its hard to raise a child but if you are willing to bring them into the world then you should be more then willing to do the hard yards to see your child grow up and live their life the best way you showed them how i would never forgive myself if my child decides a path i'm not proud of because id be the one who showed her it or pushed her towards it no i'll work hard for my child to grow up being a good roll model for her children thats how i feel no one has to agree



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      alishas-mummy
January 2009 | alishas-mummy
Re: How Becoming A Mother Changed My Life

Aww, that's ok, we all have different relationships with our families..
But maybe things worked out the way they did, so then it would teach you to raise your children the right way, which is a great thing you learnt :)

That is so sad about the drugs thing, though..
It is sad to see our own parents put other things ahead of us..

I am soo happy for you that you were able to carry a child, because you sound like a great mother..
And I totally agree with you, if you are willing to have a child, you must do all you can to give them a great start to life!!

Awww, and no way, I actually agree with you..
I believe that being a good parent is not about bathing your child everyday, or feeding them the right food; but about being a good role model and taking on the biggest responsibility of all - shaping your kids to be the greatest people that they can possibly be :)

I know that when my kids grow up and do wonderful things with my life, I will know that my job is done..
And I will feel SO proud that they are the lovely people that they are, because I helped them become that :)

Thank you for your comment and thank you for reading !!!!

Love Thuy xoxoxoxoxox



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inquisitive-creatures
January 2009 | inquisitive-creatures
Re: How Becoming A Mother Changed My Life

This article couldn't be any more similar than to one I would write about my own mother. I fought with my mum just like you did and as soon as I had given birth I realised just how wrong I'd been!! I can now see clearly all the little things my mum did for me growing up and I appreciate her and love her so much for that! Thanks for putting into words what I think everyday!

Love Samantha xox



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      alishas-mummy
January 2009 | alishas-mummy
Re: How Becoming A Mother Changed My Life

Aww thanks Samantha, I'm glad that you can relate !!

I'm glad that you and your mum are ok now !! :)

Love Thuy xoxoxox



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jazzymummy
December 2008 | jazzymummy
Re: How Becoming A Mother Changed My Life

This article is great. Just fantastic. It is really moving (you so made me teary! :P) and just...amazing. It takes my breath away slightly, and hopefully it will motivate others to adore their loved ones regardless of differences and faults... and encourage us all to get over those disputes before it becomes too late to resolve them!

Lovely, lovely article - it's incredibly grounding and touching.



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      alishas-mummy
December 2008 | alishas-mummy
Re: How Becoming A Mother Changed My Life

Awww thank you so much, glad you enjoyed the article !! :)

Love Thuy xoxoxox



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lucaschloe
October 2008 | lucaschloe
Re: How Becoming A Mother Changed My Life

Hi There!

I just read your article while I was surfing the net... searching on tips to get my babies to sleep better. Funny how we seem to come across the most interesting articles when you least expect it! Your article is truly something!

I decided to join minti so I could reply to some of the minti members' articles.

Ýou seem to have everything going for you. Congratulations! (I had just read your profile and you're expecting again!). You are still so young, yet so mature. When did you decide to have your first baby? Its hard work isn't it? I have twin toddlers - one boy, one girl! But i love it. Coming home from work everyday and seeing them is the highlight of my day! Congratulations on everything again!

Not sure when I will be able to post again as I rarely use the computer at home (for obvious reasons haha)... But nice meeting you!

Love,

Krys (Krystal)



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      alishas-mummy
October 2008 | alishas-mummy
Re: How Becoming A Mother Changed My Life

Hi Krys !!! (Btw, I love the spelling of 'Krystal'. LOL :))

Awwww, thank you so much..
I know how you feel, one of the first things I came across when I found Minti, was the articles..
And it's funny, because the woman who wrote that article, is now one of my friends !! hehe

Awww thank you for the Congratulations..
Yep, I feel like life is going great for me.. and I'm so very happy :)

Hehe thank you, I guess I've been like that from a very young age..
When I was 14, all I wanted to do was talk about current affairs and news headlines, but my friends wanted to talk about make-up. lol

To be honest, Lawrence and I wanted children very very early on..
We knew we wanted to get married after 1 month of dating :)
Haha and yes, kids are hard work.. Alisha just spilled all her food over the tiles today !!! Then laughed about it !! LOL

Wow twin toddlers.. how amazing.. I am sure you understand hard work then !!!! hehe
Aww and I know how you feel, Lawrence gets pretty down about having to go to work and missing Alisha, but when he gets home, he gets so excited that he gets to see her.. hehehehe

Aww and it was VERY lovely meeting you..
Hope the kids aren't causing you too much trouble !! haha

Thank you for the lovely comment :)

Love Thuy xoxoxoxoxoxoxox



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mistyk11
August 2008 | mistyk11
Re: How Becoming A Mother Changed My Life

Isn't it silly that we have to have children in order to appreciate our parents??  I guess we shouldn't beat ourselves up too badly about what we did to our parents because whatever heartache or stress or worry or pain or whatever else we caused them to feel, I'm sure we will also get to feel as our children grow up.  And, like you said, it won't really matter how our children treat us because we will always love them.  They'll realize that too one day!   So I guess we're even??!! 

Becoming a mother changes us in so many ways and you beautifully articulated one facet of parenthood.  Thank you for being brave enough to write your article and let the world read it.  I know  many others will reevaluate their appreciation of their parents and i'm sure whoever reads this will be making a call to their parents shortly thereafter.



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      alishas-mummy
August 2008 | alishas-mummy
Re: How Becoming A Mother Changed My Life

You're right hey, we will get to feel it as a mother..
But I guess that's where our patience for our kids begins..
Because, then we tell ourselves, one day, our kids will understand..
But for now, we've just gotta teach them that life isn't easy, and that they should learn to appreciate what they do have in life :)

Thank you so much for reading :)
And yes, it seems many here did call their parents after the article.. hahahahaha :)

Love Thuy xoxoxoxoxox



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OzBinky
August 2008 | OzBinky
Re: How Becoming A Mother Changed My Life

I agree with Janice...

This is one of the most inspiring article I have read - congratulations with not only wrting it - but for the heart and soul you have put into it...

Here I am at 39 years of age in total awe of you, the wisdom, the love and the understanding and most of all the graceful way you have articulated one of the most important messages you will ever share - that is - what parental love is.

How proud your family must be of you. How proud your children will be of you...well done and thank you for sharing...

love and best wishes to you

OB



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      alishas-mummy
August 2008 | alishas-mummy
Re: How Becoming A Mother Changed My Life

Awwwwww how sweet of you to say, Lavinia.. Thank you so much !!!

Awwwww I can't believe that you're in awe of me.. your comment made me want to cry.. seriously. hehe

I am so happy that I shared this with you all, it seems like it really made a difference :)

Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment, your words meant a lot to me :)

Love Thuy xoxoxoxox



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COLE2008
July 2008 | COLE2008
Re: How Becoming A Mother Changed My Life

that was an inspiring piece of wrighting it makes me feel that ive got things easy and not to take what ive got for granted and if you can do those things i can do anything i loved this piece as it came from the heart

thank you

cole2008



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      alishas-mummy
July 2008 | alishas-mummy
Re: How Becoming A Mother Changed My Life

Awww thank you so much..
I'm glad that you enjoyed reading the article :)

Awww that's so sweet of you to say..
Don't worry, I didn't do too much :) hehe

Nah, the way I see it, friends can go in and out of your life, but your family will ALWAYS be your family..
And even if you don't have similar beliefs, doesn't mean you can't try to get along :)

Thank YOU for commenting !!! :)

Love Thuy xoxoxox



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janicepovey
July 2008 | janicepovey
Re: How Becoming A Mother Changed My Life

 This has to be among the best articles i have read, EXCELLENT Thuy!.

It's amazing how we look at our parents in a different light, after we have children of our own.....we learn that everyone is different and show their emotions, feeling of love in so many different ways.

Thankyou Thuy for sharing this, you so write from the heart and i so enjoyed reading this immensely...makes this old heart of mind, feel very touched.

Love Janice



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      alishas-mummy
July 2008 | alishas-mummy
Re: How Becoming A Mother Changed My Life

Awww omg Janice, I almost cried reading your response..
You're such a sweetie ! hehe

But thank you so much.. I'm glad you enjoyed the article :)

That is so true, Janice..
Each person shows affection in a different way, but it doesn't mean that they love someone any less than someone else :)

Awww well, I'm glad I touched you..
You sure touched me with your beautiful comment :)

Love Thuy xoxoxoxoxoxoxox



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kittykins
July 2008 | kittykins
Re: How Becoming A Mother Changed My Life

They help us grow so much i was just 19 wen i had my girl n she changed my life 2 for the better ...... children... the gift of a child is so preciouse ....such a shame so many ppl dont see it that way  ! BUT GOOD ON YA BBZ!!



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      alishas-mummy
July 2008 | alishas-mummy
Re: How Becoming A Mother Changed My Life

That's so true.. children do help us grow so much !
I was also 19 when I had my daughter.. a couple months younger, actually. hehe
And I think that's GREAT that your life changed for the better..
I spent so many years asking: "Why don't my parents love me?", instead of realising that they do..
In the last week, I spent almost everyday talking to and seeing my mum... it was the nicest feeling... made me realise how much stuff has really changed for the better :)

I absolutely agree, the gift of a child is so precious..
It's amazing how one small little thing can teach you so much about life !

Oh, and you're so right..
It IS such a shame that so many people don't see it that way..
I guess, for some, they care more about themselves, more than they do their own child..
But for me, my daughter's needs come before my own :)
And with my parents, they have always felt that way too..
And I guess that's why I love them so much.. they sacrificed so much for us, to give us the best start in life :)

Awww and thank you..
I'm so glad you enjoyed the article..
Thank you for commenting and welcome to Minti !!!! :)

xoxoxox



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Millaflower
July 2008 | Millaflower
Re: How Becoming A Mother Changed My Life

how very true your story is.... I feel very much the same although my circumstances are a bit different and have totally changed all of my actions towards my parents, you're right " actions speak louder than words" thats forsure....  thanks for sharing!



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      alishas-mummy
July 2008 | alishas-mummy
Re: How Becoming A Mother Changed My Life

Awwww I'm so glad that things have changed with your parents too :)

I'm so happy you enjoyed reading the article.. thanks so much!!!

xoxoxox



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jesusgirl
July 2008 | jesusgirl
Re: How Becoming A Mother Changed My Life

what a wonderful story.  Some times it takes seeing our own child to understand what our parents went through.  I didn't know my real parents until I was 12 with my mother and 14 with my father.  My real mother was very abusive towards me physically and mentaly but after I grew up I understood what the people who raised me up to my mother taking me back had went through and they were always there for me even though I never appricated them until my own kids came along.  Thank you for a wonderful show of love towards your parents.  It's never to late unless they are already gone!



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      alishas-mummy
July 2008 | alishas-mummy
Re: How Becoming A Mother Changed My Life

Aww thank you so much..
Glad you enjoyed reading it ! :)

Aww I'm sorry to hear that about your biological parents..
But I'm glad that you appreciate them now..
It really does take becoming a parent, to understand how hard it is to be one, hey ? :)

Yep, and I agree, it is never too late unless they're already gone...
Speaking of which, I saw my parents today at my brother's birthday party... all is well with them, which is great :)

Thuy xox



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AlisonRieke
July 2008 | AlisonRieke
Re: How Becoming A Mother Changed My Life

You moved me to tears with your story.  I'm so happy to  hear that you've been able to see a new perspective and appreciate your parents & know they love you.

I'm going to call my parents!  Thanks!



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      alishas-mummy
July 2008 | alishas-mummy
Re: How Becoming A Mother Changed My Life

Awww I'm glad that you enjoyed the article..
Sorry for the tears though ! hehe :)

Awww thank you..
I sure do know now.. everything does change once you become a parent, doesn't it ? hehe :)

Hahahaha my article seems to have made everybody call their parents..
Guess it worked then !! LOL

Thanks for reading !!!!

Love Thuy xox



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lisam
July 2008 | lisam
Re: How Becoming A Mother Changed My Life

what a great read...................................



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lisam
July 2008 | lisam
Re: How Becoming A Mother Changed My Life

what a great read...................................



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      alishas-mummy
July 2008 | alishas-mummy
Re: How Becoming A Mother Changed My Life

Awww thank you so much !!!!!!

Glad you enjoyed reading it !!!!!!

xox



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simplyme01ca
June 2008 | simplyme01ca
Re: How Becoming A Mother Changed My Life

I had to come back and read this article a second time, it is very moving and so real.  I know that becoming a mother has changed my life so much but in a totally different way...Kudos to you for recognizing what your mother means to you and you to her...it is a wonderful article, everyone should give it a read...

well done...



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      alishas-mummy
July 2008 | alishas-mummy
Re: How Becoming A Mother Changed My Life

Awww that's so sweet of you.. reading it twice :) hehe
I'm flattered ! haha

Thank you for your kind words...
I'm glad that you enjoyed the article !

Awww and thank you..
I didn't realise how much my mother did for me.. till I became a mother myself :)
Once again, thank you..
You're very sweet :)

xox



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pauline27
June 2008 | pauline27
Re: How Becoming A Mother Changed My Life

What areally lovely article and written withpassion. My mother had nine children. She never went out to work but sure was a hard worker at home. We all loved her dearly and it was always obvious that mum and dad loved us. As we were growing up there was only one key to our house so we never had a key for ourself. We didn't need one as mum was always there when we came home from school or work whatever the case might be.My parents are no longer with us and mum was 92 when she passed away Thankfully they both knew we loved them very much and I am sure this gave me a very deep love for MY children Thanks for writing such a great article.



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      alishas-mummy
June 2008 | alishas-mummy
Re: How Becoming A Mother Changed My Life

Awww thank you so much ! :)

Awwww your parents sounded like such wonderful people...
Just reading your comment made me wanna cry :( hehe

Yep, I'm sure your love for your parents did give you a deep love for your children...
It's crazy how it takes a little boy or girl to change your whole perspective on life :)

Thank you so much for reading !!

xox



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SteffCharlotte
June 2008 | SteffCharlotte
Re: How Becoming A Mother Changed My Life

It really is amazing how having a child puts so much into prospective.. all the so called "big things" just dont mean as much and the little things take on so much more meaning...

Im really glad you found this clarity and continue to have a great relationship with all your family... xxx



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      alishas-mummy
June 2008 | alishas-mummy
Re: How Becoming A Mother Changed My Life

That's so true !
Yeah, everything is put into perspective :)

Awww thank you !!

Thank you for reading !! :)

xox



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nabutters
June 2008 | nabutters
Re: How Becoming A Mother Changed My Life

Thuy, This is a great piece of advice. Truely came from your heart and soul. When you become parents you see what your parents did for you in the smallest of ways. I see so much of that now myself....your a special human being!!  Naomi xxxxx



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      alishas-mummy
June 2008 | alishas-mummy
Re: How Becoming A Mother Changed My Life

Awwwwww thank you Naomi.. glad you enjoyed reading the article :)

Yep, and that's so true..
Now that we're parents, everything we do for our child, has a purpose..
And likewise, we see how our parents did the same for us :)

Aww and as for me, I'm not too shabby.. LOL

Love Thuy xoxox



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golliwog78
May 2008 | golliwog78
Re: How Becoming A Mother Changed My Life

I can so relate to this article...it's so cool to hear that others share the same or similar experiences to you.  I am filipino...and all I can say is dito, dito, dito.  I love and appreciate my Mum more now that I realise how hard it is to be one.  I wish when I was growing up I had looked at who she really was and her real intentions. We make mistakes, but always have the opportunity to make a difference.



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      alishas-mummy
May 2008 | alishas-mummy
Re: How Becoming A Mother Changed My Life

That's great that you can relate to my story !! :)
Yep, it's amazing how your relationship with your mother changes once you become a mother :)
That's really wonderful that you can understand your mother better now :)

Oh, and your last line is so true...
There's a whole lifetime out there, for us to recognise and own up to our mistakes and hopefully, make better decisions :)

Thanks for reading !!!!

xox



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emmie
May 2008 | emmie
Re: How Becoming A Mother Changed My Life

Wow great article . I havent told my mother i loved her since i was 14 and dont plan on saying it either . Im glad you got to tell her how you feel before its too late .

Luv Emz xxx



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      alishas-mummy
May 2008 | alishas-mummy
Re: How Becoming A Mother Changed My Life

Awww thanks Emz :)
I really appreciate it :)

Nah, I understand how you feel :)

Thanks for reading !!!!!!!

Love Thuy xox



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DarkenedAngel
May 2008 | DarkenedAngel
Re: How Becoming A Mother Changed My Life

You haven't quite left me speechless, but there is only one word I can think of to say... Wow.



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      alishas-mummy
May 2008 | alishas-mummy
Re: How Becoming A Mother Changed My Life

haha

well, glad it had that effect on you :)

thanks for reading !!!!!

xox



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HarrisonsMommy
May 2008 | HarrisonsMommy
Re: How Becoming A Mother Changed My Life

For me Thuy, that moment is too late...lovely advice.



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      alishas-mummy
May 2008 | alishas-mummy
Re: How Becoming A Mother Changed My Life

Aww I'm sorry to hear that Angela :(

Thanks for reading though !!!!

xox



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neostudded
May 2008 | neostudded
Re: How Becoming A Mother Changed My Life

This article is so true, I got all teary reading this.



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      alishas-mummy
May 2008 | alishas-mummy
Re: How Becoming A Mother Changed My Life

awww thanks for reading !!!

sorry to make you teary though :( hehe

xox



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mcm
May 2008 | mcm
Re: How Becoming A Mother Changed My Life

How amazing!

It does put things in persepctive, having a child.

I guess we always want what we can't have and forget what we do have. I thought Mum didn't like me  but why would she have done so much for me?.

Life and parneting can be stressful. Being young, life goes slowly, then you have kids it speeds up!

I am having dramas atm with my eldest. She thinks Iam annoying cos I do expect a lot from her. I want the best for her.  For all my kids.



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      alishas-mummy
May 2008 | alishas-mummy
Re: How Becoming A Mother Changed My Life

awww thanks :)

yep, it definitely does :)

and that's so true... you think back and realise that your parents do truly love you :)

haha yeah, having kids makes you age several years :S lol

awww and i'm sure you do want the best for your daughter..
trust me, she will realise how much you love her..
and how you only want the best for her :)

good luck with your daughter...
and great job on looking out for your kids..
you're a wonderful mother for caring about them so much :)

Love Thuy xox



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dinsdale
May 2008 | dinsdale
Re: How Becoming A Mother Changed My Life

Wow, that is a lovely to read I even had tears in my eyes. Thanks for sharing. I know what you mean, we never realise things like love until you have your own child.

Beautiful story

Trace



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      alishas-mummy
May 2008 | alishas-mummy
Re: How Becoming A Mother Changed My Life

Hi Trace,

Awww I'm glad you enjoyed reading it :)
Hehe sorry to make you cry :)

Yep, and you're so right...
You never really understand your parents... till you become one yourself :)

Thank you for commenting !!!

Love Thuy xox

P.S. I love the wedding dress you wore on your day !!!! haha :)



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Juzzy
May 2008 | Juzzy
Re: How Becoming A Mother Changed My Life

Hi, Thanks for sharing your story. It was beautifully written and straight from the heart. I could not live my life without my parents. They seperated when i was about 6 years old but there hasn't been a moment in my life where i didn't feel loved by either of them.

Juzzy



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      alishas-mummy
May 2008 | alishas-mummy
Re: How Becoming A Mother Changed My Life

Hi Juzzy,

Awww well thanks so much, I really appreciate it :)

That must be great for you !!!

Thank you for commenting !!!!!

xox



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mum2four
May 2008 | mum2four
Re: How Becoming A Mother Changed My Life

Hi,wow your story made me cry too ,mothers and fathers are so important in our lives and yes sometimes we forget what they did for us as we were growing.I tell my parents I love them every few months but when I hear it from my father that he loves me it always brings a tear to my eye,as like you I believed my father did not love me as I was growing up.I was a very sickly baby and my parents had only 6 months before I was born had lost a baby from SIDS,so my father would not get close to me when I was little as he feared he was going to loose me too,as I had a heart condition and other medical problems.

thankyou for shaing your story.

                                                                        cham



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      alishas-mummy
May 2008 | alishas-mummy
Re: How Becoming A Mother Changed My Life

Hey Cham :)

awwwwww i'm glad that my story had that effect on you..
though, i'm sorry i made u cry :( hehe

awwww i'm so sorry to hear that about you and your dad before..
but i'm sooo GLAD that he says that he loves you now...
sounds like you and him have a great relationship..
which is just wonderful !!!

thanks so much for reading !!!!
and sharing your own experience as well :)

Love Thuy xox



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cazza
May 2008 | cazza
Re: How Becoming A Mother Changed My Life

Thank you for sharing this with us,and how lucky you was and still  are to have supporting parents that would bend over backwards fiancially to help you, there are many parents that wouldnt do either...

But its amazing when you become a parent how lifes outcomes looks so diffrent,,

xx cazza



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      alishas-mummy
May 2008 | alishas-mummy
Re: How Becoming A Mother Changed My Life

awww thanks so much cazza :)

thats so true..
i feel so lucky to have my parents...
they've done a lot for me :)

yep and ur definitely right...
ur perspective on everything changes once u become a parent !! :)

thanks for the comment :)

love thuy xox



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Kellzacar
May 2008 | Kellzacar
Re: How Becoming A Mother Changed My Life

Hi there,

Thanks for sharing your story . . It certainly is written from the heart and it moved me . .. It's amazing how becoming a parent changes you, isn't it . .

Cheers Kellz



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      alishas-mummy
May 2008 | alishas-mummy
Re: How Becoming A Mother Changed My Life

Hey Kellz,

Awww I'm glad that you enjoyed it :)

And that is so true !!!!!

Love Thuy xox



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mariamum
May 2008 | mariamum
Re: How Becoming A Mother Changed My Life

That was beautiful Thuy it reminded me of how I felt with my parents. 

As children we live in our own little world unaware of how difficult life is outside and it is only until we live life on our own and have children of our own we realise what hard work our parents had to do to bring us up. 

I was never really close to my dad until I first started working and suddenly I saw how much he loved me he would come and visit me for lunch and chat which is something I never expected him to do because as a child he was so wrapped up in his worries that I felt he didn't know I existed. 

My mum and I were always close because she needed me with all the arguments and fights she would have with my dad I would always take her side so we have always been close.  I had to grow up from a very early age and support my parents because financially they were struggling so I didn't get the opportunities I would have liked.  But I don't blame my parents because I now see how hard life can be and they have helped me out a lot since I moved out because even though they still don't have much they always put us first. 

I know not everyone has this sort of relationship with their parents so I am glad I do.  Thanks Thuy I'm going to ring my mum now, lol.

Love Maria xxxxxxxxxxxxx



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      alishas-mummy
May 2008 | alishas-mummy
Re: How Becoming A Mother Changed My Life

awwwwww thanks Maria... i really appreciate it :)

that's so true..
you think things are so easy, but then you move out and realise that the real world sure can be tough sometimes :)

awww that's so sweet of your dad :)

you sound like you are really close to your parents and that's SOOO great !!!!! :)

hahahahahaha yes, make sure you do ring your mum ! LOL

thanks for the comment Maria !!!!!

Love Thuy xox



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pavementcracks70
May 2008 | pavementcracks70
Re: How Becoming A Mother Changed My Life

That was beautifull Thuy, served raw with love........

Im sure your mom has forgiven you for being a teenager(she once was) how great life will now that the two of you have connected on more then one level. Your parents are going above and beyond in helping out with mortgage payments, your very blessed and lucky to have such giving parents.

Its always easy to be critical of parents, most teenagers including me have been there! If only we could go back and undo the past.........parents love may be tough but knows no boundaries

thanks for sharing Thuy,

love rue



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      alishas-mummy
May 2008 | alishas-mummy
Re: How Becoming A Mother Changed My Life

awww thanks rue, i really appreciate it, you're a great friend :)

yep you're so right...
they try so hard to help us... and i am so very grateful :)

awwww those were such sweet words...
you've made me feel so much better !!!! :)

love ya rue !!!!!

love thuy xox



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mumof2b
May 2008 | mumof2b
Re: How Becoming A Mother Changed My Life

This is so beautiful Thuy.

I think that becoming a parents is such a turning point in our lives........things that never made any sense to us growing up suddenly make so much sense. My Mum and I are very close and always have been, but when I became a Mum for the first time it made me understand her so much more than I ever thought possible. She lives 600kms away from me so I wrote her a letter one day to say thank you and to let her know that I finally understand everything she ever did for me......

I absolutely love this part of your article   "And truth is, just because somebody doesn't love you the way that you want, doesn't mean that they don't love you"

Amanda xxxx



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      alishas-mummy
May 2008 | alishas-mummy
Re: How Becoming A Mother Changed My Life

awww thanks amanda, that's so sweet of you :)

awww that's so sweet that you wrote ur mum a letter...
sounds like u two have a wonderful relationship :)

yep, and that's so true...
although love can vary in intensity, it always exists :)

thanks for reading !!!!!!

love thuy xox



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electrifying02
May 2008 | electrifying02
Re: How Becoming A Mother Changed My Life

thuy you made me cry the whole way through this is a fantastic article . well done for writting it

love belxxx



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      alishas-mummy
May 2008 | alishas-mummy
Re: How Becoming A Mother Changed My Life

awwwwwww bel...
i didn't mean to make you cry.. hehehehe

thank you sooo much for your comment !!!!

love thuy xox



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ellamia
May 2008 | ellamia
Re: How Becoming A Mother Changed My Life

Thuy this is a very good article and i know exactly how you feel in that situation i myself treated my parents like that thinking they didnt love me and brought me things. Remember thinking oh you just buy me things thats not love. but once again since i had the girls it has been a real wake up call. And im so lucky i have my parents and shannons parents here as they really help us out alot. And we are so very greatful.

Thank you for sharing this.

 



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      alishas-mummy
May 2008 | alishas-mummy
Re: How Becoming A Mother Changed My Life

Awww sounds like you and me went through the same thing !!!!

Thanks for reading Kell !!!!!

xox



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Libby24
May 2008 | Libby24
Re: How Becoming A Mother Changed My Life

so beautiful Thuy.

to be honest i dont think many kids appreciate their parents till something like having a child or a morgage or something like that happens. (personally i have never had this and i doubt i will) i appreciate everything that my father has done for me. he paid for half my wedding and some of my house and stuff for my kids and even now he has helped me with my schooling. so my dad is wonderful but my mum has never done a thing. i told her i was pregnant and getting married, she told me to leave chris and get an abortion. I told her we were building a house and chris's mum and dad were having it under their name and we paid the morgage, she chucked a mental and said why didnt you ask me foor help (she was unemployed and was in huge debt, and at first we asked chris's mum and dad to go garentor for us not to pay for our house which happened). sadly i have no respect for my mother.

it is good that you have realised that they were doing what they thought was best. it is hard to show love to ppl sometimes cause what i think is showing love is different from what you think and what someone else thinks.

great article Thuy.

Luv Liz



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      alishas-mummy
May 2008 | alishas-mummy
Re: How Becoming A Mother Changed My Life

awwwwwww thanks so much Liz :)

hey, i totally understand how you feel..
whether it be your mother or father, or even another guardian of yours (a grandparent maybe), your relationship with them can be strengthened once you become a parent...
and it sounds like it was with your dad :)

i am so sorry to hear about your mum...
some people just don't deserve to have great kids...
but i think it's wonderful that you have your dad... it sounds like he raised a wonderful daughter :)

and that's so true..
everybody has a different interpretation of love :)

thanks for reading Liz !!!!!!!

xox



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August88
May 2008 | August88
Re: How Becoming A Mother Changed My Life

Hi Thuy.  I don't think I appreciated my parents, especially my mother til I had kids myself also.  I now know what an amazing woman she is and wonder where she finds all this energy even now and hope that I can match up to her in my own parenting. I always found it hard to live up to the expectations too and felt that nothing I did was good enough. I am glad you have found this out so soon. Even when my kids were little I felt that my mum was very hard. If the kids did something wrong and I told them off while she was there she would not back me up but tell me off for leaving something in there reach or something similar you know. I am only beginning to understand my mum and become close. Thank you for your story. It is very moving.



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      alishas-mummy
May 2008 | alishas-mummy
Re: How Becoming A Mother Changed My Life

Hey Lynette :)

I DEFINITELY know how you feel :)

Yeah, it's hard when you try so hard, yet still get knocked down for it...

I am so glad that you and your mum are beginning to get close :)

Awww thanks so much...
Thank you for your reading !!!!

xox



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superpo
May 2008 | superpo
Re: How Becoming A Mother Changed My Life

Gosh Thuy, you just sounded like a typical teenager to me! Well, typical American teenager (and maybe Australian?) but not so typical Asian teenager I suppose. It must have been hard for both you and your parents to deal with each other's different cultures at times. We run into that at our house sometimes, although Brazil and the U.S. are similar in a lot of ways. My husband just does NOT understand sleepovers. He thinks they're wrong.

I think this article is a great example of how becoming a parent makes us appreciate and better understand our own parents. For me, it was more a matter of finally seeing my mother as a real PERSON instead of just mom.

I thought this was very well-written and a great article.



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      alishas-mummy
May 2008 | alishas-mummy
Re: How Becoming A Mother Changed My Life

Haha yeah, it was hard...
It's hard to be an Australian citizen, but from a Vietnamese background...
Sometimes you're torn between what you've learnt from your parents and what Australian society tells you.. :)

Haha I can understand what you mean about sleepovers..
and how it could be seen as being wrong :)

Oh, and that is so true !!
We must learn to see our mothers as people too :)

Awww and thanks so much!
Glad you enjoyed the article :)

xox



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cathbusymum
May 2008 | cathbusymum
Re: How Becoming A Mother Changed My Life

Almost as soon as I gave birth, I realised how much my own mother loved me. We had a difficult relationship but  I found a new appreciation for all she had done for me.

Great article. Well done!! See, I knew you could do it!!!



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      alishas-mummy
May 2008 | alishas-mummy
Re: How Becoming A Mother Changed My Life

Awww Cath, that is soooo great !
So I'm sure you understand exactly what I went through :)

Hehe and thanks Cath....
If it weren't for you, I wouldn't have written this article...
You truly are an inspiration to me !!!!
(Oh, and a great nagger of a friend :P hehehehe just kidding)

Love ya !!!!

xox



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BrightonBelle
May 2008 | BrightonBelle
Re: How Becoming A Mother Changed My Life

Having children of your own really does change you prospective on life and it wasn't till I had Amy that I told my mum that I loved her and apologised for all the things I did as a teenager, you can only truly know what they went through when you have to walk the same path.



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      alishas-mummy
May 2008 | alishas-mummy
Re: How Becoming A Mother Changed My Life

That is sooo true !!!!!

Parenting is one of those things that you never entirely understand until you become one yourself :)

xox



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Izzy
May 2008 | Izzy
Re: How Becoming A Mother Changed My Life

This is great!

I'm asian too, so I know exactly what you're talking about. I think there should be a healthy balance between being taught to respect your parents and being able to speak your mind (respectfully of course). But that said, the family unit is the single most important thing in an asian culture.

It is obvious that your mother loves you, and she is showing it the way she knows how. You are a wise person for having realized this. Being a parent is hard, no wonder most of us end up reconnecting with our own parents when we become parents ourselves.



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      alishas-mummy
May 2008 | alishas-mummy
Re: How Becoming A Mother Changed My Life

Awww thank you Izzy...
I really appreciate that coming from you :)

I totally agree with you, I feel that we do need that healthy balance...
Yep and that's right, family is what is most important to asians :)

xox
 



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