I fell pregnant 3 months after my 18th birthday. My boyfriend Michael and I had been together for almost a year when I found out. It was a shock, but a good shock. I always knew I would be young mum, so did my family and friends. I
had been complaining of sore boobs for a while, and all my friends (who were also pregnant) urged me to get a test, but I refused, becuase I didn't think i was. I started work in a small restaurant, and was running to the toilet every 15 minutes to pee. I thought I was just getting my period, so I didnt think anything of it. One weekend, Michael and me were having a party with our mates. One of them put his hand on my belly and said "you're pregnant". I laughed and said "I bet you $50 I'm not". The next morning, I went to the GP and told him about my sore boobs and needing to pee every 15 minutes- i also told him I didn't think I was pregnant, because I got like that before my period. He aske me when my last one was, and for the first time I realised I hadn't had it in almost 2 months. I told him about the bet and he did a test. A few minutes later, he came in and said "well you just lost yourself $50". My reply was "so I'm not pregnant". He repeated himself and so did I. This went on a few more times until he looked me in the eye and said "no Krissi, you ARE pregnant!". I screamed and cried... I couldn't believe it.. I was so happy. I went to find Michael who was helping a friend's mum move house. He wasn't there, so i waited for him. When he came through the door, I casually said "hello daddy". He replied with "get f***ed, no you're not", so I showed him the test. He cried and hugged me... we were both over the moon.
Telling my family was the hardest thing I had to do. I rang my mum first. I told her to sit down, and she got a bit teary. I told her I was pregnant, and she started crying and yelling at me, before saying she had to go and hung up. Next I rang my grand dad. I said the same thing to him. He got a bit teary, but simply said "I was expecting it" and asked me if it's what I really wanted (which it was). Then I rang my dad and said the same thing to him. He laughed and asked if it's what i really wanted and when I told him yes, he said he'd support me all the way. Telling Michael's mum was easy... she just said "f**k off.. I'm too young to be a grandma!", but she was happy. About a week later mum rang me. We spoke for a while and I told her I wanted the baby. She wasn't happy, but accepted it. From the day I found out, I had terrible nausea... 24 hours a day. i couldn't eat or drink anything without being sick. This lasted until i was 5 months pregnant. When I was 4 months pregnant, Michael and I moved to Brisbane. We got a tiny one bedroom unit close to my dad's place. Things were going well. It was hard being away from my mum, especially as we had started getting along again, and she was getting excited about her first grandchild. At 30 weeks, I went to my usual fortnightly check up. The doctor left the room and came back and told me my blood pressure was dangerously high and I would have to be hospitalised, otherwise me and my baby could die. I was admitted and diagnosed with severe pre-eclampsia toximia. I was on complete bed rest for several days, then allowed to go hom on the condition i took it easy. I was admitted another 3 times before I had the baby.
I woke up on Sunday, July 22 2007 with a dull cramp in my belly. After 7 hours of labour, our daughter was born. She weighed 7lb 7oz (3.51kg), and was 50cm. She was the most beautiful baby. The next few days were pretty hactic, as my mum, grandad and sister flew down to see me and the baby (named Jessi-Kayte (said Kate)). The first night home was horrible... since her birth, Jessi-Kayte had trouble latching on to the breast, but I tried to persevere. But the first night home, she would not latch on at all, and spent the whole night screaming. I had no bottles or formula for her. Michael woke up at 3 am to find me at one end of the bed and our new daughter at the other, both screaming our lungs out. We bought bottles and a breast pump the next day, but my milk dried up when Jessi was 3 weeks old. After that, i became very depressed, and couldn't go near her. If I did, I felt like I would hurt her- which made me feel worse and I would want to hurt myself. It didn't help that I was getting nasty comments from complete strangers about how young I was and I was too young to have a baby. I was diagnosed with severe PND, and on medication and daily counclling. Luckily, that was only needed for about a month, and now 10 months on, I am medication and counceling free!
Having a baby so young made realise just how judgmental peopl- especially women who are mothers themselves- can be. I would be feeding my daughter in the parents room at the shops and women would feel it neccessary to judge me. Complete strangers would give me filthy look when i went out. I couldn't believe it.
I have one message to say to people- men and women- who think its ok to judge otghers based on age:
Why is it that you feel its ok to tell a young mother that she is too young/immature to have a baby, yet its not ok to go up to an older mum and comment on their age as a mother?!
Just because we are young doen't mean we don't love our babies, and make sure they are properly looked after. If we didn't think we couldn't do it, we wouldn't have kept the baby! It isn't it saying something about a young girl when instead of taking the (relatively) easy way out by having an abortion, she desides that she will put the rest of her life on hold to bring up this tiny, dependant person?! I know a lot of mums, ranging in age from 13 to 40, and I don't believe a single oneof them is a better mother than anyone else. Everyone has different parenting styles- everyone was brought up different by their parents. Just because you might not agree with something they do or their age when they have a baby, doesn't give you the right to judge them.
We all go through the same thing by having a baby- we give up our bodies for 9 months, we sacrifice most of our lifestyle choices, we feel the same emotions- scared,nervous, anxious, happy, excited, joy. The only thing that differs between mothers is age- and age is only a number. I know teen mothers who are more responsable as women in their 40's (not saying they are better or worse- just responsable). And do you know our of all the young mother I know... only 4 are single, and they are all studying and working to provide a good, stable life for their child. Not one of them is sitting at home on their backside claiming welfare for doing nothing. Their children are happy, clean, well fed and well adjusted. What more can you ask from a mother, young or old?!
(May 2008) (
