Separation anxiety

Re: Separation anxiety or frustration???
Asked by cassaustin

Question:

My little man wont stop whinging!!! I know he is teething, he cut another tooth last weekend. But this is not like all the other teeth. This is so much worse. If i leave

the room he screams, if i put him down he screams, he even whinges when i am holding him. Nothing i am doing will calm him down. He is even screaming uncontrollably when he wakes up now!!

He is almost walking i think, he is walking along furniture and came move from one thing to another, he just hasnt let go yet.

Do you think he is frustrated coz he cant walk yet, or does it sound more like separation anxiety? He is nearly 10 months old.

Cass xox

My Advice:

It definitely sounds like separation anxiety.  My son went through the same thing at about the same age and my daughter is going through it now!  Most kiddos have some level of SA, but when it starts and how long it lasts can vary a lot from child to child.  My daughter, she is 12 months old,  just started the screaming :(  Sometimes I can just start to set her down on the floor or in her high-chair and she will scream.  It used to be when she woke up she would play in her crib for a while and then let out a little cry to let me know that she is up.  Now she screams for me to come and get her immediately.  As soon as I open her door, she usually smiles or laughs.  It is great to know that she is happy to see me, but it would be even better to know that she trusts that I haven't left her all alone!!!  At this age it is very typical behavior.  I am the Director of Children's Ministries at my church and supervise the nursery and all its programs.  The best advice that we give parents is not to sneak away!  Even if the child seems content playing and you are only going to the other room.  If they look up and suddenly you are not where you were, they may panic and scream.  Your son  may start to scream when you set him down, because of that same fear.  At the same time, telling a child "mommy will be right back" doesn't calm their fears if they don't know what that means.  You might want to consider wearing him in a carrier so you can take him around the house with you while your doing chores or whatever.  If he is too heavy for that you could put him in the stroller and push him around the house with you.  These are definitely just temporary solutions.  Hopefully he will out grow the screaming when he becomes a little more mobile and independent.  Once he doesn't have to rely on you for everything :)  With my son the SA got a lot better at age 2.  He still had a little SA after age 2, but it only happened when I left him with a sitter or childcare outside of our home.  He would cry really hard or yell and cling to me or my husband.  We said our goodbyes and gave hugs and kisses and left.  It was hard leaving knowing that he didn't know/understand where we were going or when/if we were coming back!!!  We developed a "good-bye routine" and didn't linger afterwards.  When we returned we would always act very excited to see him(and we were) and give more hug and kisses.  It took a little while, but it gradually got better!  He still cried when we first left, but a minute or two later he would be playing and "forgot" all about it.  As he got older, he became more confident and independent and now when we pick him up from school or Grammy's house he doesn't want to leave :)  I hope all of this helps!

 Also, if he is getting his 1 year old molars, he may fuss more and have an even harder time than he did when he got his other teeth.  We always used frozen teethers and luckily never had fevers!!!
 

Good luck,  andi