When you first got married, you did not realize that staying together would be so challenging. It seemed it would all just be perfect and blissful all the time. The endless hours of togetherness and true love... Then, came the kids! You know what I mean. Where has your
love gone? You look in the mirror and see someone you no longer recognize.
The years have passed on and left their mark in your faces, their dents and dings on your body.
You probably think you've lost it all. Its over. Now, you're stuck in this life of slavery to your mate and children. Yes, how could you feel like this? these are your children. You shouldn't regret anything. Right? Maybe, just your spouse. You really think they've changed. Its not you so much, It's them. They are not the same, they always hurt your feelings somehow and don't care enough anymore. But wait !
If these words are a perfect example of how you feel right now, I want you to know there is hope.... Whether you want to try or not it's up to you, but hope is there.
First, go meet in private with yourself.
Do you like what you see and .... Do you look inviting?
Moms and Dads give yourselves a make over. Start working out and show your mate you can still be the sexy partner they married.
If you both do this it will trigger an antenna, like a radar that will somehow awaken a response...
Secondly, make time to be alone with your spouse. Teach the kids that Moms and Dads need time alone.
If they are beyond learning this and it's too late to teach , then get out of the house, go and make out in the car, van, boat, backyard, movie theatres, supermarket isles, library. Park. You know what I mean, just a little time alone. It may not feel natural but it's a start.
The kids can handle it. If you don't start spending time together alone with your spouse, TODAY. Your marriage is history. ITS NOW ON ITS WAY TO BECOMING A DIVORCE . Or Worse yet, an emotionally vacant relationship. This is worse, trust me on this one.
I can tell you this because I went through the above experiences. Marriage is a choice.
I made a choice to keep my marriage and asked my husband if he was willing to try also, he agreed, ( It takes both) we gave it a try and it eventually became new and refreshing gradually. Divorce is not the answer. Not always, anyway. Although, sometimes it is. Read on….
YOUR RESPONSIBILITY IS TO YOUR PARTNER FIRST, the children are not going anywhere. They are not going to find a new mommy or daddy. (understand ?)
A friend once told me something I remember frequently , she was married and I was single at that time. I asked, "what is love like after you're married"?
She gave a long sigh and said, " Well, Fabi. It's like the love of a family, It’s the love that families have for each other"
A few years after marriage I realized what she meant. I say married love is:
It’s the love of families. It’s the love that should tolerate, and believe, and support, and encourage. It's the love of friends. It's the love that commits and trusts.
It’s the love that takes years to build. …..
Lastly, in some relationships no matter what you both do, there is no resolution. The solution is to part, because you bring out the worse in
each other. If this is your lot, be encouraged and know that no matter where you stand today. Hope is something you create and life gives you
many more opportunities to find love. At any age.
Love is everywhere and I hope that you have the wisdom to recognize it when you see it.
Sincerely,
Dear Fabi
