ADVICE RATING |
 4.98 (Highly recommend) from 27 votes (333 Visits) |
After so many years of not allowing myself get along and love my mother i have just recently hit an emotion time in my life with so much regret. My mum,well i dont know where to start. For 36 yrs i have had a mother,something that not everyone has
had . This is hard for me to write as i sit here thinking of all the years that have gone past that i wish i could take back and do so differently. Due to so many childhood complications and a very dis fuctional family life i rebeled against i guess everything,one of those things,people,was my mum. I made myself stop loving, i found this easy to do to stop all the hurt i was feeling in life. So many horrible things i have said and done to my mother, i so wish i never had. About 3 yrs ago my mum on mothers day told me she had a lump in her throat and had to be seen to by a specialist. Yes it worried me at the time,but time passed and i didnt think of it much. Within the last 3 years that she had this lump growing,i starting to see the mother i had all along but never let myself love and allow her to love me back. I feel pregnant and had my wonderful little girl and during my pregnancy mum was a great support and helped me get through the hard times,as i was sick the whole 9 mths. She was there as soon as she was born and stayed up the 17 hrs i was in labour with my 3 other children. We have slowly made a daughter and mother reationship which i have cherished with all my heart. Mum had her operation 3 weeks ago to get her lump taken out of her throat,it was an enlarged Thyroid,it was meant to be a 1 and half hr op but was lengthend to a little over 4 hrs due to complications. Before she went in to the operating room she hugged me and said she loved me,those words,i can still hear them and still feel the sadness and happiness all in one as i sit here writting this. I didnt say them back to her,i wish i did. For 4 hrs i thought of how i could loose the mother i didnt try to get to know, what if i couldnt tell her i love her back when she came out. When the nurse came in to tell us that the lump was alot bigger than expected and it was going to be another cpl of hrs,i thought i had lost her..........i was scared, scared of how much i was going to hate myself if she wasnt going to pull through all this. The things i thought of,it seemed like such a long time, until i heard a bed being wheeled down the coridoor,it was mum coming from recovery. As i ran to her to hold her hand i couldnt hold back my tears, as i sobbed i said " mum i love you so much". I was able to tell her that i love her. Her Thyriod tests have come back in the last week and is clear of cancer. I have a second chance to love and respect my mum the way i should have all those years before. Im not going to dwell in the past anymore,i have a present and a future with mum now. All my anger has been replaced with love of this woman that i can truely call MY MOTHER. I love her so dearly and not going to waste another moment without her in my heart. Im not very good with words and not wonderful at expressing my feelings so this was hard for me to share. I just want to tell others that you need to love the moment,love the people you have in the moment. Cherish what you have now,not later as there might not be a later. Dont dwell on what you dont have in life,think of what you do have. I have 4 beautiful children,a wonderful,loving supportive husband AND my mum. I hope at least one person can learn from my small bit of advice.................
(June 2008) (
Anita XXX
