Whoa... That was a long title.

But really, I got thinking this morning. Ive dated a couple of people in the past who have never had kids, and for some, it can be a real shock to the system. My current boyfriend is great. And we've just sat down

and discussed a few key issues that we thought might help some single parents who are looking at starting a relationship with someone without children, and here are some of the things we thought that some members might find useful:

Dating someone with kids is not all it's cracked up to be.

Now I love kids. And so does my boyfriend. But god I'd like to sleep in til midday on weekends like he is used to doing. Id love to be able to have a kick-arse social life again... even just going out for dinner without the kids can be a hassle because until recently I didnt have a regular babysitter and my family dont help me very much with babysitting. And as for going on an official date? HA! I dont think my bf and I have had one yet..

What happens when it's time to discipline the kids?

This should be discussed first and foremost with your new partner.

It's important to voice your opinions regarding smacking and not smacking, and describe to him/her how you feel about it. This is a common cause for arguments amongst parents and their partners. Make your opinion clear and non-predjudice. Explain why you like and dislike certain methods of discipline and make sure you come to an agreement with your other half so that they stick with it and your authority with your child doesnt get compromised. Partners will come and go (well hopefully not, but you know what I mean) but kids will be there with you forever, so you have to be really firm on your beliefs. YOU are the parent, so in the end, YOU are the boss, and what YOU say goes. Your partner should be there to support you, and also another important thing is that if you disagree on something, dont let your kids see you disagreeing on it. Go into a private room and discuss it like adults. If a child sees one of the parents about to give in on something, they will take advantage of it, so it's best not to let them see or hear you discussing it. For example, the other day my son wanted to play the xbox. He was naughty at the start of the day (I mean real naughty) so I said no Xbox for the rest of the day. All was well and good until the afternoon when I had forgotten that he couldnt play the xbox all day and was just about to let him play the xbox when my bf reminded me what I'd said about him not playing it all day. Luckily I didnt cave and let him play it but I probably would have if my bf wasnt there to remind me!

Jealousy

Jealously is a natural emotion for your child to feel when you enter a new relationship.

Suddenly all that affection that you had rationed out to your child/children now needs to be divided with an extra person and they might feel that you dont have enough time for them anymore. I find that bedtime stories are a good way for your kids to know that you still love them. I hop into bed with my kids and we have a group cuddle (they have a double bed so lots of room for big group cuddles) and whilst reading stories they all get lots of hugs and kisses and they know they are still loved. I try my best to do this every night but it doesnt always happen. This is why I have made a point of telling my kids numerous times throughout the day that 'Mummy loves you'. And on my eldest son's lunch bag, since he is learning to read now, sometimes I will write 'Mummy loves Nathen' so that he knows Im thinking about him while he's at school. I even caught him writing it the other day which really surprised me.

Parenting laws

Does your partner know the current parenting laws in your state or jurisdiction? My partner (although he doesnt smack my kids) had no idea that the law in NSW when it comes to smacking your kids, is that anything that leaves a mark is illegal. Do you and your partner know the laws for where you live?

Communication

(sorry about the Bold from here on in, for some reason I cant take it off, will go in and re-edit it later.)

Sometimes kids need things explained to them. They will probably be very surprised when they see you showing someone else affection that is not their other parent, and they will most likely be a bit confused at first. With my kids I just simply explained to them that 'Mummy doesnt love Daddy anymore, she has a new boyfriend now, but Mummy and Daddy will always love you'. They were fine with such a simple explanation, but this depends on the age of your child. One thing I have found so far is that honesty has always been the best policy, but this would obviously change depending on your situation. Sometimes the best thing for a child is to lie to them so that they are protected from some nasty truths that often find their way into a family after a divorce.

Money

Whether they like it or not, there comes a time when your new partner will have to start financially supporting you and your family. In the beginning it might just start off with you needing a loaf of bread and asking your partner to pick one up on their way over, but as time goes on, they must be prepared to conjoin money and not every cent they earn will be spent on just themselves anymore. In time, they will have to start contributing to your household too, something that they might not be too keen on first, but it's just a fact of life.

Honeymoon period, kids cooling off.  - pushing you

As with all new relationships, there is always a honeymoon period. You might be lucky, your family might love the new partner that you have chosen, and things might be going great in the beginning, but as time goes on they will try and push your partner's buttons more and more just to see how much it takes to make them crack. Explain this to them, pre-warn them so they are prepared. Most of all, dont let the kids playing up come between you and your partner. If your partner hasnt been around kids before, they may very well think that they are now the spawn of satan and you have demon children, but just let them remember that kids will be kids, and it will pass soon, and they will be back to thier innocent little selves in no time.

Kids are all very different individuals.

As such, one child you have might be a total angel, and another child you have might be a real high needs kid. If this is the case, make sure you remind your partner that all kids are different, and this is what makes them unique. Maybe give them a copy of this advice to read lol it might help!

Alone Time

Often this only comes after the kids are in bed. And after a busy day of you running around after them, or you being at work all day, sometimes the last thing on your mind will be making love. Let your partner know that you love them but you're tired, and even though you really would love to be making love to them right now, sometimes a cuddle as you both fall asleep will be greater accepted and then you can make it up to them in the morning once you have a bit more energy. Set the alarm clock 15mins earlier in the morning and you will both be starting your day with very big smiles on your faces :)

Too good to be true- it probably is.

And finally, if you think your new relationship is too good to be true, it probably is. As single parents, often we find ourselves taking the first thing that comes along in the hopes that you will be a complete  happy family unit again. 2 parents and a child/ren and life is bliss right? Well, actually, not always, as member Nell18-3 found out with her ex husband. Sometimes the partner that you choose is actually not the best thing for your family and you may have to think again. See her advice here for things to be wary of. Granted, it might just be the honeymoon period that you are in and everything is great, but once that honeymoon period is over, if you notice any of the signs in Nell's article, I strongly urge you to reconsider the person that you've chosen to have around your kids.

I hope that this advice has taken some of the guess work out of whether or not its better being a single parent, or a partnered parent.

There are many more topics that I havent covered, but these are some of the most important ones. Good luck with your decision and I hope it's helped.