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How to manage the mistaken behaviour of children |
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by Ngairi  (June 2008) (rank 57th) |
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Children who misbehave usually have one of 4 primary behavioural goals. These are:
- Attention Seeking
- Power (control)
- Revenge
- Inadequacy or situational avoidance
To identify and understand the purpose or reason behind a child's behaviour is to determine the feelings the children's behaviour evokes in us.
- ATTENTION SEEKING
When we feeled annoyed, bothered or irritated you can be fairly certain that the children's goal is ATTENTION.
When we give attention, the child temporarily stops the irritating behaviour, but it soon returns when our attention reduces.
- POWER / CONTROL
When children resist doing what is asked of them (or do the opposite of what is asked of them) this is the POWER SEEKING BEHAVIOUR. Temper tantrums are an example of this.
We may feel threatened, provoked, or even intimidated. Our feeling of losing control makes us determined to gain control of the child's behaviour or to force compliance. We may threaten the child or attempt to assert our authority.
- REVENGE
Children may feel defiant, sullen, hostile or vindictive and may attempt to "get even" with us.
Typically we feel hurt and this may be experience by us as anger, resentment or even dislike of the child.
- INADEQUACY AND AVOIDANCE
Children don't enjoy failing and may avoid situations and circumstances where failure is a likely outcome. For example: If activities are too hard, rules are too rigid, or they don't understand what is required of them.
Children may become so discouraged that they withdraw and stop trying. Often we feel helpless, uncertain of what to do and very discouraged. We may also give up on the child. This only REINFORCES the child's feelings of inadequacy.
When we understand the behaviours of the children, we can then work on ways of dealing with each situation in a calm. loving and logical manner. As you look at how the situation makes you feel, you can then work out the behaviour.
This is not going to be the same in every situation or even with every child. However it is a guide to some behaviours.
