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Hi I just wanted to share my experience of having a daughter who's father can not take the time to see her. We met when I was fifteen and he was seventeen we were only together for five months and then had been broken up for two months before I
even found out I was pregnant. For my own personal reasons I decided to keep her and raise her the best I could. My daughter is the light of my life she kept me alive when my second daughter died of SIDS and is now ten years old. To start with her father was in jail by the time she was two months old and as I would not take a baby to a prison didn't see her until she was 5 months old. I took her to visit him on and off for a year but as he was not a very stable person I wouldn't leave her there with him.
He continued to go to jail on and off over the years sometimes leaving it for a year or two before he would tell me he was out again. So I would take her when he was out but sometimes there were months to years between visits. The last time she was seeing him was about a couple of hours per fortnight she still wouldn't be there with out me as she didn't even know him well enough he started not showing up after I had told her where we were going. I by this time had had enough and decided to just not arrange any more visits unless he arranged it himself. My daughter was by this age wondering what was going on so I told her in very simple terms as nicely as I could that her father loves her but he takes drugs and drinks a lot of alchol and people that did those things had problems that made them only care about getting more and nothing else mattered., I felt very sorry for her but she wasn't attached to him and took it pretty well she thinks that he puts those things above her therefore she doesn't see him as her top priority either.
She now does not care about him which I find sad but it is better for her not to see him than to get lead a long by promises that will never come true. My husband has done more for her know than her father ever did and she loves her step father greatly. I find that in situations where fathers cannot be bothered to see the child that it is of extreme importance that the child is not lied to about why the parent is not there to visit and that they are totally not the cause of the parents disinterest. My daughter after being told why he doesn't bother was then a lot more comfortable with the fact that she was a gorgeous little girl any one would be proud of and her father will miss out on how great she is through his own fault.
I urge anyone who's child is forgotten by the other parent to reassure that you can love them enough for two people and they will never lose your care attention and love.
Thankyou.
(June 2008) (
