Hi guys – As some of you know this was once a series that I had on Minti but due to personal reasons I removed the series. Since that time I have completely rewritten the series . . . So here is the first installment, I hope you all enjoy
this series and that many find it useful.
For many women the decision on whether or whether not to have a child is a fairly conflicting time as there is so much to think about. “Is it the right time?” or “Can I really do this”, there are so many variable and different things to weigh up. Then there are our partners to consider!
As I said for many this can be a difficult decision. I have spoken to a lot of mums, friends and associates in order to put this together. I am in the lucky situation of being able to speak to many new mums through my volunteer work and also through my local community. .
Here are some things to think about and some advice to help those of you out there who are currently deciding on whether or whether not to have a baby:
Your Domestic Situation
As we all know our domestic situation can really affect how we live and how we cope with every day life. For this reason it should also be seriously considered when we look into having a baby. I personally think that we all need to think about what kind of environment we have to offer to a child.
For instance – If you are still living at home or you are arguing with your parents will a baby be able to thrive in this environment? If you and you partner are disagreeing more often than agreeing then you need to also ask yourself if this is a good environment for a vulnerable baby.
Yes it’s true and is very often the case the local Government will often help to home a single parent or even a young family BUT this should never be a reason to have a baby. . IF you are in the process of setting up a new home whether by yourself or with a partner then you also need to decide as to whether or not you can afford a baby. It’s important that you take into account all the furniture, clothing, nappies etc that a baby will need.
Your Financial Situation
We ALL know without a doubt that babies are not cheap, even the most care-fullest of budgeters can find supporting a baby a huge stretch. This being said with very careful planning and commitment many will find the way to financially fund a baby but it is important to think things through with a very level head and not get carried away.
For instance – If you are at college right now then a baby is most likely going to make it really tough for you and it will only get harder as your baby gets older. Will you be prepared to make the sacrifices that are needed with your education?
Then there is a career, juggling parenthood with a career can be just as daunting so you will need to take into account if your employer offers any support or benefits. Does you employer offer maternity leave or paternity leave and just how flexible will your employer be if you need to leave because your baby is ill or if you are unable to find someone to mind your baby in an emergency?
If you are single and will be reliant upon government assistance or payments then can you cope? Do you think you will be able to fund having a baby and coping with all the stress’s that may occur? What about help from family or friends, child minding etc.
Your Emotional Situation
Think about things, if you have been feeling down, lonely or even unloved it can be very easy to think that having a baby will be the solution. (Many many teens make the decision to have a baby for this reason alone.) While it is true, a baby may love you totally unconditionally the truth is that unless YOU feel very good about yourself then you most likely will not be able to meet your babies emotional needs in return. Quite often you will not realise this at the time.
It’s important that you feel stable and fulfilled within yourself if you wish to give your baby a loving and peaceful home. Look hard and try not to be tempted into having a baby just to feel your emotional hole.
It’s also important to make sure that you are able to talk openly about how you feel about your life and your emotional status. If you have a partner then be sure that you feel you can talk openly with your partner, does your partner share your desire to have a child and is your partner prepared to make any sacrifice that may be needed.
Another and often forgot about emotional situation is to consider how you may behave as a parent under pressure. Some babies are harder than others and as they grow some toddlers and even small children can be very difficult at times. You need to ask yourself if you are absolutely sure that you will be able to keep your cool!
Remember though that we ALL learn more and more parenting skills as we go but its important to make sure that we will not lose our tempers and do something we will regret. This is often one issue that we won’t know until we are in that situation BUT we need to ask ourselves if we would be prepared to take anger management courses in order to prevent anything from happening.
Your long-term situation
It’s also important to take into account that whilst a newborn baby doesn’t take up much space eat a great deal or demand gifts this will change as your baby grows. In time you will be faced with childcare, schooling and out of school activities. There is also bigger furniture which means more room will be needed.
Being a parent is one of the most rewarding experiences a person can do but it is important to remember that in can also be very demanding. It’s important that you think far beyond “cute” when you consider having a baby.
Whatever type of question you have about being or becoming a parent there is usually good advice to be found out and about your local community. Remember that at the end of the day it is still “your” choice but my making an informed decision you are not only helping you but also your child.
Thankyou for taking the time to read this and I look forward to your comments. I hope that some-one will find this useful . .
Cheers Kellzacar
© Copyright 2008 Kellzacar. . All writings by Kellzacar remain the property of Kellzacar and should not be republished or copied without written permission. Kellzacar can be emailed via Minti. Any similarities are by coincidence only as all writings etc are the research and or thoughts of the writer. All links are to websites used or visited whilst writing this article.
