ADVICE RATING |
 5.00 (Highly recommend) from 11 votes (237 Visits) |
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Never Make a Promise You Can't Keep (well almost never) |
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by kevinb66  (July 3rd) (rank 500+) |
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My parents always loved dangling carrots in front of my face to get me to do things. The problem is that all too often when I reached the prize it wasn't even a reasonable facsimile of a carrot. It worked while I was a little kid but had the effect,
when I was in my teens, of creating distrust. So, when I had children of my own I made a concerted effort to never promise something that I couldn't deliver.
For example, if my son was struggling a bit in school, which happens to everyone from time to time, I may tell him that if he gets his grades back up I'll take him to a favorite place or spring for something for which he is saving money. All I do is make sure I take the time and energy to deliver on my promise when he comes through, and more often than not he has, and we both win. He generally learns that perhaps he wasn't doing everything he could have in the beginning and that he can set a goal and reach it and I maintain the respect and trust that is required in a healthy parent/child relationship.
The one thing you never do, and this is sometimes the hardest thing to not do, is to give the reward when the goal is not reached. All this will do is teach your kid that you will cave when they falter. This creates a bottom up control situation and you will surely find that your kid won't bother reaching their goal because they know they will receive the prize regardless of the outcome. It's difficult for a parent to watch their kid fail but sometimes that is the only way the lesson is learned.
Now you will from time to time run into an occasion where you must break a promise. It is inevitable. Maybe you promised to take you kid to a baseball game but had a last minute business trip scheduled. Maybe what you promised does not fit into this month's budget. But this is where free and open communication comes into play. You must be absolutely truthful about why you can't deliver on your promise. Then you have to make sure you make it up to them by delivering on your promise at a later date, if possible, or find a suitable substitution. If you are truthful and your reasons are sound your children will always understand.
This simple but effective technique has proved to be a winner in my house.
