June 2008
My son attempted suicide recently. One evening I walked into his room and found him hanging from his closet door. I instantly grabbed him and popped the door open by pushing the chair forward and lifted and pulled him him off the door hinge. i don't
know where I got the strength to lift him, but I did. It happened so fast.
As we fell to the floor he gasped for air, I loosened the belt from his neck. I don’t remember how long we laid their on the floor as I clutched him tightly as we both sobbed. Then I stood up and pulled him on his feet and lead him to my bed and told him, “I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I held him as he fell asleep with me. I cried and prayed, “Though I walk through the valley of death I will fear no evil.” I don’t know why I kept repeating it, but it calmed me down and finally slept with my arm around my son.
That morning I called his psychiatrist who instructed me to immediatly take him to the hospital. As he was being admitted the nurses noticed the cuts on his hand (which I never noticed because he wore long sleeve shirts). I was surprise how calm I was as I walked with him to the adolescent center which he was assigned. I didn't tell him that he was not coming home but staying for evaluation and care because I didn't want him to get upset. We finally got to the floor when he was stripped searched. It was then that he realized that he was staying. He asked me,"What is going on? i'm gonna see the doctor, right?" The nurses then asked me to leave and told him to go into a room where a group session was being held. Just then he looked straight into my eyes and cried, "Mom! I don't wanna stay here!" I stayed calmed and told him, "You need help, Babe. I'll be back to visit." He then started to cry louder as I turned and walked away. I didn't look back, but I could hear him whimpering.
As I walked through the corridor's out of the hospital, I felt like I had an out of body experience. I then realized that it took nine hours to have him admitted because the sun was setting over the horizon. As I opened my car door, I sat down in my seat and stared at the hospital and began to cry hystrically. I began pounding the steering whell with my fist. I don't know how long I sat there, but I realized that it became dark outside when I lifted up my head and notice the darkness around me. I drove myself home.
He stayed in the hospital for eight days 24/7. He had just turned 16 when he attempted suicide.
My son had been seeing a psychiatrist and therapist for a year. He had been misdiagnosed with ADHD and come to find out that the adderall was the worst thing he was prescribed. I found out that he sufferd from Bipolar NOS. I was shocked because I never heard of it before. I don’t understand how his doctors could have misdiagnosed him with ADHD. My son had been suffering for years.
The best advice I can give parents is keep searching for help. Listen to your kids, and don’t take their misbehavior as personal attack. They are confused and need guidance. I cried when I found out my son had Bipolar, but it has helped me to understand his behavior.
It's been very hard for me since his suicide attempt because I constantly get these flashbacks, I have uncontrollable crying spells suddenly without notice. I have nightmares, I can't sleep at night,. I want to just scream!
I'll get pass this, I have to be strong for him, I am stronger than I give myself credit.
July 2008
My son is doing better with his medication of Depakote and Bupirion along with therapy. He has his hard days when he get panic attacks and suddenly become withdrawn. When he becomes upset, I give him his space and walk away and we talk when he calms down, which I also do. I have learned to communicate with him by letting him tell me what his feeling wherein I acknowledge.
A conversation that caught me off guard once was what he told me when I picked up from the hospital where he said, "Mom, why didn't you just let me die?" I looked at him straight in his eyes and told him, "I'll never let you go, I love you." Then he began to cry and I hugged him and he told me he loved me.
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(July 2008) (
