Parents, listen to your mouth. Do criticisms accidentally slip out instead of compliments? Criticism and compliments get different results. Which results do you want?
Criticisms get results:
"You'll never amount to anything!" "You're the laziest kid, I've ever seen!" "Don't be so stupid!"
Parents, do you get frustrated with your kids? Are you out of patience? Do you regret the things you say?
Listen. I know raising kids isn't easy. I know it's a full time job. I know you get frustrated.
On the other hand, it's a fact that when you tear your kids down, you get results. Imagine being the parent yelling, "Get out of here! Stop annoying me."
Become the child receiving these words:
• Look at your parent's face. What do you see?
• Hear your parent's tone. What do you hear?
• Experience your feelings. What do you feel?
Do you to want to please your parent? Are you angry, sad, or hurt? Would you feel like pleasing or rebelling?
Parents, it's important to realize that criticisms don't affirm but they do get results. They don't build up but they do tear down.
Criticisms prompt your kids to:
• Fester inside with pain, shame, and anger.
• Avoid a relationship with you.
• Fear more of your criticism.
• Feel self-hatred.
• Rebel.
Criticisms take on a life of their own:
• They become your child's inner self-talk and feelings.
• They get repeated by your kids to your grandchildren.
• They can recycle forever.
How to turn criticism into positive results:
Listen, parents. You can have a positive influence your child. You can resolve to change. You can be patient. You can think before you speak. All you need to do is:
1. Look in the mirror when criticizing your child and ask yourself,
"Is this the face I want my child to see and remember?
2. Decide to change.
3. Practice catching your child being good instead of bad.
4. Notice your child's face when you use compliments.
5. Replace criticism with positive praise everyday.
One more thing, you'll never regret using compliments. You'll never regret building your child up. You'll never regret the results."
About the Author
Jean Tracy, MSS, Edmonds, WA, USA
Jean Tracy, MSS, "Granny Jean" publishes "Tips and Tools for Character Builders, her Free top-rated Parenting Newsletter. Subscribe at her web site http://www.KidsDiscuss.com and receive 80 fun activities to share with your kids.
Treat your children to Granny Jean's Parent Affirmations: 75 to Build Character in Kids at KidsDiscuss.com.
Jean Tracy, MSS, Northwest author and speaker, is a former teacher, probation officer, and child/family counselor.
(August 2006) (
