Together or go at alone!

Hey look, yes it is better for a relationship to disolve and go seperately, than to stay in an unhealthy situation. But in saying that, it is also much easier to say it sitting on the sidelines, than actually being on the playing field, so to speak.

A lot of times in situations like these, one member of the partnership (the dominant one) has drilled and persuaded the other person that they really are not worthy of anyone or anything better than what they;ve got. And after a while of someone constantly telling you that, you really do believe it, and believe that there is no other life and you deserve this. Even when there aren't children involved it is really hard as there may be other contributing factors like financial commitments, businesses or other assets. Adding kids to the equation makes it even harder, because the subordinate partner doesn't have the self-esteem to believe in themselves  that they are doing the right thing for themselves and thier kids.

Leaving a partner like this is probably one of the hardest things I have ever done, but also one of the most rewarding. When I finally left my ex (for good) I was pregnant and I felt I had reclaimed my dignity and self-worth.

And I'm not having a go at you or anything, because prior to that relationship I was  independant, stubborn and thought I would never have a relationship like that. I would always say the same thing about people in the very situation I ended up in..."why doesn't she/he just leave them?.....Cos it's a whole lot harder than you can ever imagine. And the more friends/relatives say that your partner is no good for you, the more determiined you are to prove them wrong. So sometimes we dig ourselves in a bit deeper, so it's all the more harder to get back out.

My mum was with my dad for 17years. My mumw as abused, physically, mentally and emotionally. It took her 17yrs to leave him. Some people think they will change and i think this is how the person feels your talking about. My mum still loved my dad even tho he had bashed her everyday for his own mistakes eg: blew his hole pay on pokies so would take it out on my mum.

Yes my mum felt bad that we had to watch her get bashed but i can understand why she stayed, it would be pretty hard to leave the only man yuou had ever been with. My mum had never been alone and had also lost her friends from my dad. Finally she got the courage and walked out with us and never got back with him.

so my point is, its not as easy as said to walk out, people truely believ there partner will change and dont know any better. 

I know this article sounds preachy but I have my own personal reasons why I set this out for debate and discussion.  When you personally witness the desruction of a family, because the husband is a drunk and causes a fatal car accident which in turn causes the loss of life for two of your blood; then yes you try everything in your power to prevent the same event from occuring again.
Yes as a man it seems easier to say just leave the bum. I realize that but each case is different.

 Agree. No dad is better than a bad dad. At least then the kids don't have to put up with hearing the fighting.

I totally agree here.

There are some ppl that think it will get better and I have been there, but now when I look back I wish so bad I had seen it and left.

Touchy subject for me.

Tee

Women and men are usually in these relationships because of low self esteem, not because they are happy, it's so easy to look in from the outside, judge and have an opinion, but so much different when your living it...  Perhaps you sil is happy and loves this man, or perhaps she doesn't have the courage and strength to get out and do it alone as many don't....  So easier said then done!!!

I lived in a relationship very much the same as this one. Before this man, i was very assertive and stood my ground, but for this man (I have no idea why) he had a control over me. It was aweful, i wasnt happy. I did end up leaving him. But while this was easy for me, it may be difficult for others. I had no children with this man, no strings, no commitments. I could easily walk away.

If your SIL has been with this man for 10 years, there must be something good in their relationship. Things are always different behind closed doors.