Re: greving child
Asked by dvpotter

Question:

Should a child who has lost both parents be forced to attend funeral if they do not want to. His age is ten. He has lived with his great grandparents sence he was two with visitation

to his parents.

My Advice:

As a child, i lost both my parents.... i was 8 when my dad died, and 9 when my mum died and unfortunately i witnessed both deaths.
Children grieve in so many different ways, alot of children become angry, alot of children just keep living life happily as nothing happened (due to denial and not wanting to see that something tragic happened) and alot of children become very quiet and reserved - shutting everyone and everything out.

I never went to my fathers funeral as i didn't want to - and for my mothers funeral, i was in hospital as i was severely injured in the accident that killed her.

If the child doesn't want to attend the funeral, it's best not to force the issue. You need to realise that even though you have been through something tragic, the child is now feeling alone and wondering "why?" this happened to him and this is such a tragic ordeal for him.

My advice to you, is to let the child grieve in his own way. Let him talk of his parents and if he doesnt know them well, ask him if he would like to know about who they are. Don't force anything upon him, as this will make him very resistant (remember he has suffered a terrible loss). Give him some time off school to adjust to his new life without his parents as he will need time to think. Hang family pictures around the place and often talk abot the photos.

Also counselling is a must.... he has been through so much and may feel more comfortable talking to a stranger about his feelings. Childrens counsellors or special loss and grief counsellors often connect with children through drawings and other pictures.

I do sincerely hope this advice helps you and i am so very sorry for the loss you have all encoutered,

Much love, Kayla.