Congratulations to me! And my 3-year-old! We have finally gone through the toilet-training process and emerged victoriously!

I have tried toilet-training him when he was 2+ during summer.  It did not work.  I guess we were not exactly ready then.  So I tried again as winter bade us

goodbye and spring came.

Some personal lessons which I have learned through this process :

1. Getting myself ready (not just physically, but mentally and emotionally) to clean up messes.

I closed one eye some times if it is just a puddle of 4cm diameter on the carpet and did not smell too much .  PATIENCE and CALMNESS are two mportant reminders for myself.  I failed sometimes and was discouraged and frustrated.  It is normal to feel this way but the importantly, we must deal with these feelings rightly.  To-be-avoided reactions are making the child feel guilty for the accidents and venting any anger on him.

2. Consistency and Persistence are two other important factors needed during toilet-training. 

I must say that it is not really easy to try staying home all through one or two weeks just to toilet train my son.  There were times when we had to go out for several hours or even longer.  It was during these times that I tended to slack and not persist with taking him to the public toilets. Additionally, I put my son in a pull-up diaper (Huggies Walker's Pants were great) in case we had an accident or could not find a toilet in time.  That made me a little reliant on them and so lazier .  My husband thought it was no big deal if he just did his pee in his pull-up diaper but I felt that I had to be consistent and persistent to get my son into a routine of using the toilet wherever we went.

When out and about, a large pack of wet tissues is very helpful for cleaning up public toilets! Or even when the child needs to pee on the grass in the park, wet tissues are handy for cleaning hands.

Pull-ups with wetness liner did not work as he did not feel uncomfortable when he pees.  They are also more costly.  Every child is different and it may work for some.  Underwear are truly the most effective for my son.  Once he wets his underwear with a diameter of 2cm, he realised it quickly and would ask for the toilet.  Obviously, we had our fair share of accidents when he peed in his underwear in the beginning.  Double layers of underwear did not help much.  It was just changing and washing underwear and pants whole day long! I wondered how I could convey to him that he had to let me know before the pee came so I could take him quickly to the toilet.  I worked it out and told him 'Samuel, if your pee wants to come out, ask it  to stop and quickly tell me'.  After a few accidents, he was able to get the idea.

I have no daughter but I gather that it is tougher to train boys.  I trained him to pee sitting on the toilet and I had to teach him to push his birdie down so that the pee does not shoot forward onto the toilet seat (I had to clean the toilet several times).  When we are out in the park, I made him stand and pee.  I had to teach him to lift his birdie up (or the pee goes onto his leg or pants).

3.  The right tools. 

It is worth investing in a step toilet trainer.  Looking for one during sales way before the toilet-training begins saves money. Recently, Toy R us here in Melbourne is selling PlayGro's step toilet trainer at half price (originally about A40).  If you can borrow a good one, all the better! I did and gave it a good wash before using.  The trainer which I am talking about has a step (ladder-style) which my son can step onto and sit onto an attached toilet seat  which has smaller hole and rests on the bigger one we adults use.  The trainer also has two handles at the sides so a child can hold onto them for added security and confidence.  This tool helped me a great deal as I did not have very strong back and did not have to constantly carry him up and down the toilet.  There are times when he said that he had pee coming and they were false alarms but I still had to carry him up the toilet.  So, imagine the many times I had to carry him up and down the toilet during the early part of toilet-training.  We did use a simple stool and a simple lay-it-over toilet seat in the beginning but I find that this trainer worked wonders for both Samuel and me. Yes there were a few times I had to rinse the whole trainer with water because pee accidentally went onto the seat or step but it was really quite alright for me compared to lifting a 16kg up and down the toilet! It could be different with every mum and child though.  Also, the trainer can be easily removed and stand on the side of the wall when not in use.

It helps to set an alarm (using mobile phone or kitchen timer) at home if we are juggling between chores and toilet-training.  I constantly asked him when the alarm went off if he needed to go to the toilet.

I find that it is also helpful to have a potty on standby in the morning when Samuel wakes up.  This is because he tends to pee in his night diaper once he wakes up and getting him to go to the toilet when he is still a little drowsy was a little difficult. Plus, it could cold in the morning especially in autumn or winter or even early spring! After his pee in the potty, I would put him in underwear and start the day of toilet-training, reminding that he had to let me know when he needed to use the toilet.

Also, taking the child to the toilet before/after his milk just prior to bedtime is great idea.  This was an advice given by another friend because I told her that Samuel always wakes up in the morning with his diaper super-heavy.  And many people and articles say that if the child's diaper is rather dry in the night, then he is ready for toilet-training.  I did not find that happening in Samuel's case.  Or perhaps I am the only mum who gives milk before bedtime? So when I followed this routine, his night diaper is relatively dry in the morning.

4. Rewards.

Rewards work for some children and dont for some.  I have a friend whose son told her that he did not want chocolate (which was his favourite) just because he did not want to use the toilet! Kids are really clever little creatures! We decided to give Samuel mini Smarties as rewards - one for using the toilet to pee and 3 for using it to poop.  Well, we were not very successful for the poop part as he resisted using the toilet for that.  He was fine with pee on the toilet and he got his one mini Smarties. He got to choose his colour which was the fun part of it.  Of course we showered him with loads of praises when he used it to pee. 

We did not force him to use the toilet to poo.  It was tough as he was in underwear and he did poo at least twice in his underwear during the toilet-training.  I had to clean up. To make things worse, he had no fixed time when he does his poop! I had to catch his signs (such as hiding away in his room, crouching a little). When I managed to catch his signs especially after a heavy lunch or dinner, I would take him to the toilet and sat him there.  There were many times when he told me he had no poop once he was on the toilet! He did not want to sit on it for long. Sometimes he totally forgot that he needed to poop.  Other times, after coming down and when I was distracted, he hid away and pooped in his underwear! So, patience is very important here.  I told him that if he did not want to use the toilet to poo, he must tell me when he wanted to and I would change him into diapers. I think a child can be still confused and not know how to communicate properly about his toilet needs.  Accidents are almost 100% guaranteed.  Be prepared for it and be understanding towards the child. 

Five days ago, I caught him again hiding away and managed to take him to the toilet, deep in my heart prepared that he would reject using the toilet to poop again. Amazingly, he decided that he would poo on the toilet!!! Wow, a change of heart! I was totally clueless and at a complete loss at how I am going to get him to sit on the toilet to poop.  I thought he could not sit and concentrate on the toilet as he always had to hide away standing and crouching and concentrating in his bedroom!  Well, he did it and got so much praises and Smarties.  Daddy came home and praised him again! And it made him feel like he has achieved something. 

I do not know how many children do this though but my son will tell me to leave him alone in the toilet with door closed.  He needed that privacy and time to concentrate! I respected his wishes, ensuring he sat comfortably on the seat and left him there.  When he was done, we had a peek at his poop in the toilet and he got to flush them down. 

Samuel is quite a clean freak so I would use this opportunity to tell him, 'Look, when you use the toilet, you dont get poop stuck to your backside. Isnt that great?' and he would nod his head.  This further reinforced that he had done a wonderful thing.

One sign to see that he was ready was also the fact that when he poops in his diapers nowadays, he would refuse to sit down anymore.  This shows that he was uncomfortable with poo in his diapers.  So, we used that to remind him again and again that pooping in the diaper is very uncomfortable.  We also told him that he was now a small boy and no longer a baby who needed diapers.  Well, that did not work earlier when he was resistant but now he totally agreed and declares that 'I am a boy!'

Hope this sharing helps with those struggling with toilet-training!