How embrassing it is to say I was dragged up in an abusive destructive alcohol intoxicated envrioment. I was introducted to many suitations at an early age that I should never have even knowen. I will never put my children thru the same thing or even tell them what I enjured, untill they are old enoguh. I still find it hard how ever to try and NOT rasie them with the same instructions that I was given. Like the saying seen and not been heard, Your the oldest one you should.... Most of all Swearing, Smacking, and Intimidation tactics. I dont feel very good as a parent. But I do know that I can only tech my children what I have been tought. Which wasnt much!! I make no EXCUSESS. I can only try and better my self for the better UPBRINGING of my children. And I will seek the help I need to provide my children with stable, caring, open, loving, compassionate, and honest relasionships they need and deserve. I hope that my children live thier lives without knowing the hurt, anger, pain, and heartache of a shit up bringing. That creates a bitter and twisted emotionaley unblanced parent. I know I am doing an okay job for a person of my back ground. But I still have the fear of never been good enough. And I will be a failer regaurdless of what I try and do. I really dont rember what I was trying to say but Thank you all any way