sibling rivalry

with a 14 month old and a 3 year old (can you guess who was the perpetrator?, lol) sibling rivalry had been rife in my house, but i have finally found a 'cure'.  the first thing i did was to have a one on one with my three year old,

not an intense sit down look in the eye session, but a non confrontational and informal crafting together chat. i started (with as few words as possible) telling her how lucky she was to have a sister and that it was your job as a sister to help and love one another. i then switched the conversation back to 'wow thats some good glittering' etc for a few minutes to help her digest this and have the opportunity to ask any question she may have had (and she did have one or two). After some time (5 mins max) i continued by adding that if you make your sister feel hurt or sad then you would have your dolly (her most prized possesion that she never goes anywhere without) taken away until further notice. i left the convo it there to let her comprehend what she was being told.   not long after zo waking up we had our first test of the 'new' rule. the dolly was taken away until bedtime. there was screaming and crying, a major tantrum but i stuck to my guns and didn't give in. and she remembered. we didnt have another 'incident' for two weeks, and at that time the dolly again was taken away til bedtime, screaming and crying ensued just as it did the first time but once again, i didnt give in. and she remembered.  over the past 6 months we have had a total of 4 'slip-ups' (this is opposed to previously when it was four plus events a day) and none in the last month. the other thing i have been doing is at every opportnity drawing attention to good behaviour between them and making little comments such as 'wow you're great sisters', or 'zoe loves you so much' (the last time i said this hiraani told me she loves zoe too- AWWW heart!).

so in summary: sibling rivalry does NOT have to be par for the course (as many people told me it was) and that you can do something about it. have a non threatening POSITIVE (dont draw attention to the negative behaviour) conversation to you child (or children if they are both old enough) outlining in a simple straightforward way what the were expected to do (help and love) and what would happen if they didn't (dolly goes bye-bye). dont forget to use what they want to your advantage, kids are really quick to learn what the fastest way to get what they want is (in this case hiraani wanted dolly, so she had to be a good sister) and NEVER GIVE IN- the moment you do you have lost all control in the situation. young children need to know who's boss. if they start to think that the management is shaky you can bet that they'll start trying to take charge.

cheers

hollie8452