Re: Troubled 10yr old
Asked by joeagles

Question:

I have a 10yr old boy who can be a devil most of the time and an angel, who is very helpful and fun to be with occasionally. He is constantly reaching for an angry

reaction from me by hurting or annoying his little brother and sisters (4 siblings). I want to reach him in a new way. I have tried to get him involved in sports and activities, and involved myself in them to try and reach him, with no success. I am a single mother, which does make it harder on him and requires him to help in dayly tasks without putting much responsabilty on his shoulders, but even asking him creates an argument with him.

As he is the oldest of 5 he is setting examples for the the others, and making the household very unsettled a lot of the time.

Please help, any advice will be appreciated? thank you.

My Advice:

i have a son with asburgers he is very inteligent and learnt to play his mother at age 2 1/2 he was like jecle and hyde just persavere and find what he likes to open comunication and talk with him he is now 15 and still stubborn (my side) if he wants to be however i can talk him arround because he is really good kid just troubled and impatient have him checked by doctor for ailments (as i found asburgers is like autism but mild version) give him love and attention but not exclusively or you wil put other children off side and explain things to him you might be amaised at the reasults

you also need to channel the anger so it does not become dangerous to others as both my son and i have this problem find the cause ... real cause not just the last thing to trigger it my son has 2 triggers first is boredom . even when in active state he gets bored easily this i changed with first talking to him about accetable behavior and then he goes quietly into his room for his alone time where he has an assortment of things ... books computer etc and these are becoming less frequent now

the seccond trigger is harder to controll as he does not like to be told to do things but likes to be asked to do things and at school the attitude oh some teachers is me boss you just do what told after many discussions with staff (some got scared for their safety) they now try and ask without the bossy attitude and he picked up some grades however some teachers are still old school and will not change so he rebells quietly (they call it passive resistance )wich i think is better than forcefull attitude.

at 10 he can still learn but due to his age will be done with tolerance and undrestanding encorage him to help and reward him when things go good but dont scold or beat him if he relapses just talk and if necessary timeout etc while this is not foolproof listen to him and compromise where allowed  remember to list actions according to severity eg will this matter in 1 hour 1 day 1 week 1 year  like is dishes are not done right now reality it is not life threatining so re-action should reflect severity as lower than if he was drying cat in microwave oven sort out your own priorities then set ground rules but be a little flexible and listen to why once you have set punishment then you have to be consistant and firm this is where you cannot back down unless it can be shown that you were mis-infor