Ok I do not have teenage children but I am a teenager and so is my little sister. I do however have a 20 month old son so I can also see things from a parents point of view. Sorry my response is so long winded but when my Mum

was trying to deal with us two she said she needed all the help and advice she could get her hands on. This isn't meant to favour your teenagers in anyway but I thought hearing things from a teen's point of view might help you understand better what is going on in our heads. Teenagers don't often share what they really want or what's going on in their lives so here is how you can help build a better realtionship with your teenager:

1. Keep the lines of communication open - nagging, yelling or telling them what to do doesn't count. I mean make sure that everyday you have just a little chat to them about anything even if you only talk for 5 minutes. This means the teenager won't feel confronted all the time if they know that you can still talk about simple things. It will also stop them from rebelling if they have no need to argue back to what you're saying.

2. Set boundaries. I know that teenagers rebel against boundaries but without any in place the teenager will feel lost and their behaviour will probably get worse as they try and find more and more ways to test you. For example my Mum wouldn't set any boundaries so I just kept finding more and more ways to push the limits such as going to parties without Mum's permission, sneaking out of the house, wagging school, taking on extra shifts at work, etc. If Mum had set boundaries I knew I could have only pushed so far.

3. Once you've set boundaries stick to them!! If you budge or go easy your teenager will know that they can get away with anything or sway you into letting them do whatever they want. As they get older or as their behaviour improves allow the boundaries to change and adapt with the teenager. For example a 15 year old's curfew may be 10pm but a 16 year old's may be 11pm.

4. Make sure you still do things with your teenagers. Yes they will roll their eyes and complain but deep down they will really appreciate it. Studies have shown that the one thing rebellious teenagers wanted more of in their lives was time with their parents they just didn't want to show it. I felt really left out when I got to that teenage stage because my Mum basically gave up on me and just assumed I didn't want to be included in family things anymore which just upset me further and made me even more difficult to handle. Deep down I was longing for a bit of one on one time with my Mum even if it was just to see a movie or go and grab a cup of coffee.

5. Don't ever supply your teenager with alcohol or cigarettes no matter how much they hate you for it!! This isn't promoting a healthy lifestyle for your teenager. I used to smoke and although Mum hated it she would let me smoke in her house (well out on the back verandah) and I hated that she let me do that. I knew what I was doing was wrong and I wanted her to be the parent and say "No you're underage and although I can't stop you from smoking I can stop you from bringing it into my house!"

6. Try not to refer to the house as yours, even though it is. Everytime I wanted to do something Mum would say "But it's my house" and although I knew that was true it felt like a home to both me and my sister. We didn't want a price put on our house, we wanted to feel as though we were all equally accepted in the household. This just felt like she didn't want us there.

7. If your teenager shows any signs of depression, suicidal behaviour, anxiety, etc. get them professional help immediately. I have suffered from depression for 11 years now and I had it the worst when I was in grade 11. What I really wanted from my Mum was for her to call in a professional or someone to visit the home who could evaluate me properly and give me the treatment I needed. Instead I got yelled at, called lazy and dirty because I was always too tired to shower. This didn't help it only made me feel worse as I hated the depression and I didn't know what was happening to me.

8. Try to understand your teenager's world. To you being a teenager might not seem stressful at all but trust me it is. Our bodies (especially girls) are going through immense changes, there is peer pressure from other school mates, there is also pressure from teachers, study and exams are extremely tiring and stressful and if you're working a part time job on top of that then it can be really hard.

9. Don't expect too much from your teenager. When I was in highschool we went to school for 35 hours a week and the on top of that I would work about 10-30 hours at my part time job after school. In spite of all f this Mum still expected me to pull my weight around the house yet she only worked a 25 hour a week job and had plenty of time left over for chores. Some weeks I was doing close to 70 hours even more when you combine school with part time work and study. I was just too exhausted to help out all the time and my one and only break from everything was Home and Away which clashed when Mum wanted the dishes done so needless to say there were plenty of fights over that one.

10. Learn to compromise. For example when it comes to chores if you want something done then set a time frame you would like it completed in, thank them for agreeing to do it, don't continue to nag about it and when they're done praise them. Whenever I did something for my Mum she would criticise it instead of praise it and that left me wondering why on earth I even bothered if she thought she could do the job better herself.

11. Go to parent teacher interviews. I loved when Mum paid an interest in how I was getting along.

12. Don't put off important conversations until later in life. When I was entering highschool and going through puberty I had no idea what was happening to my body and I was really scared and confused. When I tried asking mum about it she would just shrug me off or act embarassed so from  then on I never shared my bodily changes with her or my "birds and the bees" which is a real shame because I needed to know what was healthy and what wasn't.

14. The computer always involves lots of fights. When I was in year 12 my sister would sit on the computer and play games or do her year 10 homework and Mum would say I had to wait my turn. Year 12 was the most stressful year in my life and year 12 work is more important than year 10 work (which I always used to be able to complete from encyclopedias). This happened in my hubby's family as well. His older brother used the computer 24/7 for games and never got off for my hubby - the result was low year 12 marks. You need to recognise the importance of senior highschool years over games and earlier studies (such as primary, early high school). Needless to say my sister is in year 12 at the moment and feels horrible that she would never give up the computer for me as she realises now how much harder year 12 is to year 10 - it doesn't even compare.

13. Lastly there are some great books out there on the subject. You just have to keep your eyes and ears open! Hope this helps and good luck!! Raising teenagers can be a day to day battle.