A friend of mine is transgender and underwent gender reassignment surgery in 2001. She was born a man, but knew from a very young age that she wanted to be a woman. She was gay- as a man she had relationships with women- in the main very successful and loving, and is now a lesbian woman. As her issues were purely gender related, rather than based on sexuality, when she was evaluated psychiatrically she was considered to be the most 'stable' and 'normal' transgender candidate that the doctor had seen, pretty much ever. There is a requirement in Australia that before undergoing this kind of surgery you undergo extensive evalution over a period of many years (I think it is 3 at least) and that you 'live' in your chosen gender for that time also (prior to the surgery she dressed, took hormones and presented herself as a woman in her private and public life, including at work).
So there are options for people who feel they have been 'born in the wrong body'.
This is not an easy road though, and I feel that if your daughter is serious about living as a man she will need to examine her motives and really think about some of the consequences. In the case of my friend (bearing in mind that I always supported her decision and love her regardless) here have been some of the major drawbacks:
1) As a gay transgender person, your options for life partnership are definately limited. My friend is not attracted to men, but even if she was, many men would not want to be with a woman who used to be a man. On the other side of the coin, in the lesbian community, many women find it difficult to reconcile being with a woman who used to be a man. I'm not saying that the feelings are right or wrong, they just are. As a man, my friend had many successful and loving relationships. I don't believe she has had any as a woman, despite being a vivacious and clever person with a great personality. It has made her feel very lonely and isolated.
2) My friend had a very poor male role model- her father was an abusive drunk. I have often wondered if this did not 'push' her into feeling being a man was unacceptable. Obviously you are a loving and caring mother- your question here and the fact that your daughter confided in you demonstrate that, but has she had other negative experiences that may have 'put her off' being a woman? Something to ask at any rate.
3) A large percentage of transgender patients do not make it through the first 5 years post surgery-many take their own lives due to post operative depression. Also, as permissive as modern society is, the pressure to live so far out of the norm is enormous. How would your daughter cope in this situation? Is she strong enough to fight to be her, every day for the rest of her life?
4) Gender reassignment surgery is permanent. There's no going back. The female to male operation is particularly brutal and not always successful. Sexual function can be limited, and again, a gay man may not want to be in a relationship where the man used to be a woman. Certainly it would create issues.
I don't wish to be negative or to frighten you or your daughter. This is a situation that I hav seen first hand so I wanted to give my honest feedback. At the time of her op, I fully supported my friend's decision. Years down the track though, I see that her life has not turned out as she would have wished and I sometimes wonder if she made the right choice.
Mintythistle
