My 7 year old godson (and his 3 year old sister) were taken away from the family and their father for 6 months. Circumstances have changed and they now live with their father and the rest of the family has seen them (mom is no longer in the picture). They are very excited to be back in our lives and feel all the love that we give them. We know that they have been traumatized by some things their mother has done to them...hot sauce in the mouth, breaking crab legs right in front of their faces and I'm sure there are a lot of other things that we don't know about. Whenever we ask our godson a question, he says he doesn't know or just shrugs. We think he is afraid that he might get in trouble if he tells us something we don't want to hear. For the past week and a half, a bully at school has been taking his snack and his lunch and he was afraid that we would get mad at him for it. It has now been taken care of. What can we do that would help him to be more open about answering our questions? We assure him that we won't get mad at him but it doesn't help.
Everyone has given you excellent advice, don't be to hard on yourself but this will take time and it could take a very long time. Abuse of any sort leaves scars, most victims retreat into thier shell and it takes times to heal those scars. Be there for him, keep assuring him that no matter what he wants to talk about he will not be in trouble, he will need to feel safe to open up.
Gday snit I'm so glad that he is in a loving family now it saddens me when children have come from such a horrid family life. I think you are doing a fantastic job as it is and the more he finds out at his own pace that you guys are going to help him instead of blame him, he will open up on his own. I know you guys would feel better if he opened up more but he's going to be a bit like a flower at the moment, opening up slowly at his own pace. I've seen this happen in a few families, he is learning to trust again and it's very important to let him do it at his own pace. If he feels just a little bit of pressure he may try to hide away again. You're doing an excellent job keep it up!
Totally agree with whats been written, counselling is must for both children. I'd like to suggest making life fun. Taking them out and doing fun things, like playgrounds, movies, fun craft activities. Things that you can do together that enforce the family bond. Cooking is another great activity that help bring children out of their shells. We make rainbow cookies, cakes and I even teach my eldest to cook meals, shes very shy. She becomes relaxed and chats away with out thinking. I hope this helps.
Sounds to me like you're doing the right things now... just keep being there, modelling a "safe place" (including the fact that it's ok when he DOESN'T tell you every thing), and showing him that he will not suffer for opening up and telling you stuff.... He'll do that more and more, in his own time.
Ahh poor kiddies. No he won't share secrets until he is safe. He has to feel safe on his terms. You asking might push him further into himself as he did when he needed help with the bully. He is not use to the most important adult he has known up until now being a safe place to go so you will have to try extra hard to be patient and secure for them both. All the assuring means nothing as he needs to see that in action to satisfy his own mind. Best of luck.
Gosh, what a young age to have experience so much :-( I think you need to ask a psychiatrist or psychologist what strategies to use, I know in Aust there are workshops they have to help children cope with social situations, reading non verbal ques etc. But most of all, I think you should just wrap him up in cotton wool for a bit and make him feel ultra secure - nothin' wrong with making a kid feel safe - which it sounds like you are. Also, it is always good to get an impartial 3rd party to go into a school and observe the child and staff to ensure they are dealing with things in a proactive manner. Schools thrive and really do well by the child when they are given clear guidelines on what to do when a b or c happens, and it also has the bonus of being tailored to your godson. Have you thought about home schooling for a while, with supervised social activities with his peers? He may find this of great benefit to his confidence.
My heart goes out to your godchildren, and bless you for being so concientious
I guessthis poor boy has been through alot so it going to take time he is going to be feeling very insecure.Just be there for him the best you can . Keep reminding him you are always there if there is anything he wantst o talk about. Keep reassuring him he isnt going to be in trouble andi ts OK to talk to you even f he wants to shout thats ok too as ongas he gets it out. I s he seeing a councellor this could be set up through the school or his GP.
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