That's a fair call I would probably do the same. I'd explain some positive traits in friendships and see whether he can work out for himself whether it is a good friendship to have or not. But if the child comes over just to specifically play with toys that's where I would put my foot down and say sorry but if you're not here to play with *insert your son's name here* then you need to go home and play with your own toys. If this other child is out all the time playing with neighbourhood kids it's probably no surprise that he tells your son to go home after 10 mins. This kids parents probably tell their son to go out and play every 10 minutes - the equivalent of "I don't want you here right now".

I was once the same child your child is. The fair-weather friend. I know that it is difficult to understand a child and the mind set of their actions at times but i firmly believe that it is all stemmed from somthing else. I doubt it has really anything to do with your son but the fact that he does "borrow" the toys with out interest in interacting with your son does need to end. I would tell the boy immediatly that the only way the he is able to play with your sons toys is to share them and to play together. I am sure that you have told your son that it has nothing to do with him and that it isnt his fault that this neighbor boy is this way. Encourage him to ask the boy himself why he does that. Let him stand up for him self and possibly show the neighbor that he isnt a push over. If the problem presists, I personally would step in for my child and say thats enough, no more. And since you say the parents are less then diserable, the problem may never change.

Good luck with this.. children can be so mean sometimes. Hopefully your son will get the better end of the deal!

Kids are pretty nasty to each other at times.  It makes me angry that they sometimes seem to lack any compassion, but that's what kids are.  The problem is that the recipient is usually hurt by this behaviour.

I would not allow toys to be borrowed (don't reward bad behaviour), but still allow your son to play with him if he wants to.  I would also set up and encourage play time with other children, so that your son doesn't get the idea that he is no fun or undesirable.  If he can form relationships with kids who are nice to him, he might bear the bad treatment without being hurt by it.

I know it probably sounds funny, but I wouldn't blame the next-door kid for his behaviour, because he hasn't learned how to treat other kids properly.

My daughter has a school friend who manipulates her, and I don't like it at all, but I don't see that there's anything I can do about it.  This girl tells her what to do quite a bit, and tries to separate her from any other friends.  My daughter usually gets around this, and I am gently trying to guide her to see that she doesn't have to do what this other girl says (and I'm happy to say she's getting better at it).  My worry is that my daughter will always be the kid who is manipulated by her friends.  She had a similar friend in kindergarten.

Perhaps you can keep talking to your son about this boy, and reinforce that the problem is not with your son. He'll hopefully grow away from the neighbour as he gets older.

How old are these kids? I think you are on the right track when you say that he has to choose his own playmates. The kid next door seems to be a product of his parents. I would not allow him to borrow any toys, and would encourage your child to try and find other kids to play with.

Having said that, do you know  why this child dislikes your child. Maybe he/ is a neglected child, and does not get the love or attention he needs from the parents.

Anyway, depending on their ages, the kids have to sort it out themselves.

Cheers,

grannyjack