You are trying to do the right thing by your family and that is commendable. You have been given some excellent advice here and reading this you have tried many times to be up front with your mother with no avail....since she is emailing you maybe one more go at trying to get your point across ( being as straight as you can be ) , is worth a another go.

I wish you well, this is not a nice place to be.

I only have to say that I think you are absolutely right...You have to do what is right for YOU as well as your kids...It makes me angry, upset and p*ssed off to hear that someone has dissed a child's parent to the child (especially when it isn't true)...

This hits close to home....but not my parents...I am one of the lucky ones, my parents were great...But I will say, I know where you are coming from!!!

Do what feels right for you and feels right to you..

Take Care...

T.

As a parent it is your duty to make decisions for your kids to ensure that they are safe, nurtured and cared for in a safe environment... Sounds like avoiding this person that gave birth to you is a very wise decision.

Since nothing else has worked, why don't you make a comprehensive list of what you would want from a perfect mother... Make a list of things that the mother in your worst nightmares would do and send that to your mum.  If she is too half baked to make sense of that and make some massive changes, then don't worry about it any more.

You guys are doing the very best you can for your kids, be proud of it, look after yourselves, your family and be happy!

as tough as it is i agree with all the other replys i've read. Sounds like you have more than done your bit and you have nothing to feel guilty about. Sometimes parents simply dont deserve their beautiful children or grandchildren.You really are doing the right thing  keep going the way you are.

It's sad to say but your kids need protecting from their grandmother. So no, I dont think you're doing the wrong thing. You have a few choices really - completely cutting her off, allowing the kids to ask to see her but not allowing her to initiate contact, or to set up an eg. once a year meet up so contact isnt completely broken but damage is kept to a minimum. All you can do really is tell your mum straight the reasons why you want to minimise/break contact, and as she has emailed you, I think I'd be tempted to send her a bullet-point list, as non-emotional as possible. Not easy, but your kids deserve not to be subjected to the emotional abuse you were on a regular basis. Good luck!

You're doing the right thing. If she won't respect your boundaries, do what is best for grandchildren, support your marriage then like my dad it's better to stop all communications. Specially when all they have to give is emotionally abuse. I haven't spoken to or seen my dad since chomper was 10 wks old (he's 8mths now). I  haven't really talked with him for almost 3 yrs after I caught him out in a lie over my nan's estate. ( He said she left me something in her will but she didn't and a whole bunch of other lies) I won't go into all the abuse I suffered at his hand, physically, mentally and emotional abuse plus no support for my 8 yrs of marriage ( my hubby and I paid for our own wedding, it was my first and only wedding). He hates my hubby! My point is you can only be a door mat for so long before it takes it's toll on your health, your childrens well being and martial health. Your children, marriage and your health are more valuable then your mothers toxic lifestyle. I let my dad see the kids when ever he wants but he choses not to probably because I can't stand his wife (no.3), She has a habit of telling me how I'm going to raise my kids and when they're going to see them. It hasn't happen since I told him she wasn't all that welcome at my house.

I hope this helps. Chin up and hang in there, Raven

Sounds to me like you've given her too many chances. You've put up with the abuse for long enough, she's abused your children by smoking in front of them and she's still ignorant to her behaviour and your feelings. If she doesn't get it by now then what chance do you think you honestly have? She's getting older and it's much harder to accept changes when you get older, you seem to become stuck to the same old routine and don't like change very much. She just doesn't get it and I think it's time for you to break away, grow wings and fly away to live the life you've always wanted to live. The last thing people with mental illness need is others with negative mind frames, they'll drag you down with them and you won't get any better. From one person with Bipolar II to another xox

Sad to say, but I think you're doing the right thing.  Here's my take on this issue, for what it's worth:

Normally I would say that it is important to try and maintain the relationship between children and their grandparents.  However, that no longer counts if the grandparent acts in a way that is destructive to the child in any way.  This could be physical, emotional or even spiritual.  I would absolutely draw the line if one of my parents or in-laws said anything against either me or my husband to my kids.  Depending on what was said, I'd give a strong warning, but if it went unheeded, then I'd have no hesitation in breaking contact with them.

If the problem was between me and my parents/in-laws, then I wouldn't stop my kids from seeing their grandparents.  I might stop seeing them myself, but if the kids are not being harmed, then I can't use them as leverage.

It's a tough decision for you to have to make, but your own family unit is your first priority.  I also know that it's hard to make that decision and then feel calm about it, especially if the other person won't stop trying to contact you.

You are absolutely 100% doing the right thing. DO NOT feel guilty! You have every right to protect yourself, your husband and your babies. We all give our families more chances than we would ever give anyone else, but sometimes a relationship is so toxic, so broken, and so dysfunctional that you have to let it go.

Her blatant disregard for your children's health, your husband and most importantly, your feelings....well it just isn't on. You should be her precious baby girl but she doesn't treat you like that and doesn't deserve you or your family.

Don't worry about the kids 'missing out' on a grandparent- they are better off with 3 loving grandparents that make them feel good about themselves. There is no benefit to be had from a 4th, poisonous grandparent.

I once had a friend in a similar situation who told their mother when she asked "Why don't you treat me like your mother?" "Because you don't act like a mother. Mothers protect nuture and love, all you do is abuse and destroy me". Such true words, and she cut ties with her mother for good. It was the best decision she ever made.

Hugs to you. You're a great mum and you deserve only love and support in your life.

K xoxo