A child born of deciet is not going to have a very happy upbringing.  Please do not decieve your partner like this because it will end very badly.

The reason why he may be saying he isn't ready is because he suffered a loss too.  It was the baby you had created together, so you both lost it.  This is a normal reaction.  it is the typical male self preservation working.  He doesn't want to be hurt again (grieving hurts), so he is pushing away the fact he wants a baby.  And, he is denying he wanted that one to start with as a way to justify his lack of interest in any more.

You both need to get counselling so that you can grieve together and heal together.  Until that is done, neither of you are going to be happy.  Your wanting a baby is a classic response to your own grief, but you need to grieve properly before you will be even close to ready to try again.

he will feel liked you trapped him. but you could get pregnant and raise it yourself.

Well... you said there is no right or wrong answer so I'm just going to say it.

1. I think "forgetting" to take the pill is extremely selfish. Even if you're happy with the man not being in your life, have you stopped to think about how this could affect him? He'll have to pay child support, be forced to grow up when he clearly has things he wants to achieve or live his younger years until he's ready to have a family. It will become harder for him to find the right girl to settle down with as now he comes with a kid too. You say the responsibility is on you, well it's not having a kid takes two and regardless of whether you raise the kid or not, your parter will ALWAYS have a responsibility. A responsibility for something he was tricked in to.

2. He places his trust in you and you're completely abusing it. He trusts that you're taking the pill and will respect his wishes. If you don't have trust, you really don't have anything in your relationship.

3. What about the affects on your child? I'm not saying that single parents are incapable of providing for their children but in my personal opinion it's still an advantage to bring children up in a loving home with the ability to live with both parents. If he doesn't stick around, what are you going to tell your child? He may think that his father doesn't love him, he may grow with self esteem problems, a male role model is important in a child's life, when they get older they may grow to hate you and they may grow to hate their father. What story are you going to pop out? Are you going to lie to your child too? Or are you going to risk your own relationship with them?

4. Saying that he didn't really want the baby anyway when you just had a miscarriage is completely insensitive and wrong, whether he meant it or not. You are still in a fragile state of mind and it was so wrong of him on so many levels. Do you really want a child to this man? If this is his kind of attitude and he has access to see his kid, the kid could have so many emotional and behavioural problems. If there is bitterness between the two of you the kid might blame themselves and think that it is their fault.

5. You are capable of having a loving relationship with the right person who wants the same kind of things out of life and is ready to have a family. Don't be in such a hurry, you'll find him. If not why not go to a sperm donor, where men WILLINGLY give their sperm.

Give yourself a little bit more time and I am sure he will come round maybe he just needs a little time. I'm glad you are not happy about trapping him

Hope all goes well

Love Pauline

He's still hurting from the loss and to try with out his consent is decietful and only cause a bigger rift between the two of you. Only time can heal the wounds left after a miscarriage. You don't want him to hate the new baby or resent you. It's best for both of you to get counselling and wait till you are both ready to try again. Many relationships break up over a miscarriages because of the pain and hurt and need to replace what is lost. The truth is you can never replace the cherub that was lost and happiness won't come from having another baby. You have to become comfortable with what happened to you. I know it's not easy but you have to heal first, I know because I've been there. I didn't enjoy my elder son's pregnancy and his birth was traumatic and frightening for me because I didn't heal and become comfortable with what happened. This is a time for patiences, understanding and healing, so when you do try again it is a pleasant, exciting experience that you both look back at with fond memories not a terrible experience that you can't forget or erase from your memory.

Don't do it, you'll regret it for the rest of your life.

Raven

There have been some valid points already about the relationship issues of deceit and mistrust (that I happen to agree with), so I wont go into that any further.  I would like to add some extra thoughts, however.

1- I noticed your miscarriage was at 20 weeks.  That must have been truly devastating.  as it happened only 2.5 months ago you would still be going through the grief of your loss and may not be in an emtional place right now to make such big decisions.  You could try some counselling, either on your own or as a couple.

2- Also with that 2nd trimester miscarriage being so recent- your body is probably not ready to have another baby and you carry a high risk of miscarrying again.  It might be wise to wait a bit longer to let your body and mind recover from your loss so you don't have to go through that again.

3- you are 19.  I know that you are an adult and can make your own decisions, but you are still young, and if I may make the assumption that your partner is young too, its OK for him to not be ready for a baby.  If you don't want the same things out of life, then perhaps he is not the man you should settle with.  You have plenty of time to settle and have babies.  like you, I was also in a hurry to have babies and make a home....but I settled with the wrong man!

hope this gives you a few more points to consider before jumping into this multi-life altering (not only your life) decision.  I am sure you will do what is right.,

xx josie

Good relationships are built on honesty and trust... This would be the ultimate deceit, you may or may not be found out, however dishonesty has a way of poisoning relationships regardless of whether the truth is found out or not. 

Accidentally becoming pregnant makes a relationship rocky enough; you question what you could have done to avoid it etc.  Unless you are happy to be a single mum, perhaps you should give up this fantasy and either wait until your partner is ready emotionally and financially, or question whether or not you are in the right relationship to start a family.

Hi littlemiss,

I'm not sure this is the way to go.  But only you can make this decision.  I think you need to put yourself into your partners place for a minute, and ask yourself how you would feel if the roles were reversed??  Myabe sit down and talk to him further, maybe he only wants to wait a year or 6 months.  Having a baby is hard, hard work and you need a soild relationship to start with otherwise it can all go south from there.

You also say you just want your baby, ask yourself if you weren't in a relationship, do you want a baby so bad that you would be willing to use donor sperm??? 

I am in no way judging you, I understand the feeling of lose that comes with a miscarriage I have had one too.  Just think it thru properly, maybe talk to your partner more.  I wish you the best of luck whichever why you decide to go.

*big hugs*

I am very sad that you lost your baby.  I have not personally gone through a miscarriage, but I do know some other that have.

Everybody reacts in a different way.  Some, feel very little and are ready to move on very quickly, others feel the loss very deeply. Perhaps you should try and speak to someone about your miscarriage.  Ensure that your need to have a baby is not trying to replace the one that you have lost.

Onto whether you should 'forget' to take your pill..  I'm sorry, but this is wrong.  Women do do it, but that can never make it right.  If you value your relationship with your partner then you need to be open and honest with him about your need to have a baby.  If he really doesn't want to try just yet then you need to respect that wish.

I wish you all the best of luck, whichever way you go.

"forgetting" to take the pill is dishonest . It is a deliberate act to fall pregnant !

I'm not saying don't do it .

Just know there are consequences for your actions.

If a guy believes a woman is taking care of contraception and would otherwise take measures to avoid a pregnancy if given the opportunity then any child born from that deceit in my opinion he is not responsible for.

So if you are prepared to become a single mother and you are prepared for the hurt and betrayal your partner will feel if he finds out you deliberately"forgot" to take your pill and not tell him or give him the chance to wear a condom or abstain from sex, 

then go right ahead get your own way at your baby and your partners expense  !

You asked ! 

that is how i fell preg with my son, cept i didnt forget to take the pill i ran out two days before payday.  but i wouldnt change how it happened he is the greatest thing around.
you are not trapping him, you shouldnt be responsible to  have to take the pill everytime ( plus after a while certain pills your body becomes used to) just "forget" and if you fall preg tell him the pill might have stopped working.