I'm not sure where in australia you are, but there is help out there.  I had a very angry 3 year old who is now a helpful and more controlled child.  I got help from www.theheartofparenting.com.au and there are lots of links to other non-violent communication sites there.  There are even people who give advice via skype.  Don't give up, and Good Luck

When my boy was going through his extremely violent biting stage his day care made him a necklace of his own out of a thick string and a rubber tube. They told him it was his "chewey". They told him to bite down on his "chewey" whenever he would get angry. That helped keep him from biting himself and others and it helped calm him down some because he had an outlet for his aggression.

Hi I have a niece very similar and have looked into advise for my brother. The parent helpline suggest child care so they sort it out and there is a parenting course that teaches you how to control their temper. The other thing is CAMHS for counselling. All these are government funded and or assisted . Try to do this before he goes to pre-school. if you dont take him to pre-school he might be older before he out grows it and might mean it will have at school. It is not unusal for 3 year olds to do this, but not standard, but at the same time most are just testing you and will out grow it. Naughty corner will take many many tantrums and refusual way before it starts to work, like with any other new disapline. I was told that if you fix it before school the chances are extremely high.

My neice hurts my baby which is scary but we all hope they will fix her. The main problem they have is no consitiency in disapline and the mum can get very short and nasty, then next time she gives her a love while telling her off when she threw a kid on the floor.

Also my nephew is normally a good boy but has reactions to food additivies. when he has some numbers in food he goes crazy - like trying to do wrestling moves on his brother. But almost instantly he was taken off processed foods and every food item checked, and he is a different kid. He has not had any other issues and has no troubles at school. I forget the numbers but try this as it is the quickest and easiest thing to try. If you want to know which ones, let me know and I will ask my brother.

Hi Darl sounds like you have your hands full. ADHD is a chemical inbalance to the brain which makes the messages to the brain scramble at times so the child dosnt really know what to do. Take him to a specialist and tell him your concerns and maybe try the medication they have on offer as I did with my son and he went from a horror child even at school to receiving an outstanding attendance award and numerous good behaviour cards from school.  Good Luck

Dear singe mom

Be petaince right now  your son is going thru a phrase. I feel he will out grow it.It could be he missed a father figure.I hope I didn't get you upset more.But I have 11 years old son and get gets mad and start yelling.

Mickey

Firstly you are not a bad mum. It is sometimes hard to control your childs actions.  I have three one Austic and he has behavioural problems.  When very upset will  bite very hard anyone in the area at home and  his best friend.  Sometimes I see the warning signs and move him away from everyone however very hard as he is seven and very strong.    I Move the knives to somewhere higher or locked cupboard.  2. He is  saying things that are mean.  3. Calmly tell him No stop saying that.  Willnot sit in corner on mat. Need to turn him in corner facing wall and hold him for a short time .  This will take a lot of time on your part to do this.  If goes to care must be followed at centre as well.  Otherwise You could try a book of pictures Him throwing things next page in corner sad mummy faceNext page boy using bad words next page boy in corner Sad mummy. Boy playing happyly Happy mummy face Mummy playing happly with boy. I hope one of these ideas works for you good luck. 

Is he a heathy normal child. You have to be in charge don't let him take controll. tell you love hold  but he does not have the right hirt any one. You may put him a separate room when angry or mad and tell him that's what  to people who hirt others. No one like's people who hirt others in time they will in up in jails. As he get's older he maybe stand what you saying. But  you can tell him still love him.

I have 2boys with Aspergers and ADHD. I can only suggest you find a child psychologist in your area who deals with Aspergers. We found our wonderful pschologist listed with Austism Queensland. We went through the public health system and they were useless. Ring your state Autism support group and ask for recommended psychologists. The psychologist gives you strategies to help deal with the behaviour.  Don't leave it too long to seek help as the waiting lists are sometimes long. Trust your instinct no matter what the professionals tell you. Keep seeking until you and your son get the help you so desperately need.

When my son was 3, he also became aggressive. It's good that your son is just mainly watching educational shows, but I found I had to stop all cartoon shows such as spiderman and batman (which his older brother was watching). His aggression was also triggered by an emotional upset when the house we lived in was being sold and people were coming through looking in all the rooms.

If your son does start daycare, I would talk to them about your concerns as they have the resources to support and help you. I also found my son's behaviour  was always more difficult for me. He was generally well behaved for others. My son is now 9 and he still struggles to a certain degree with anger. When he was 7 he too started threatening with knives. This behaviour needs to be dealt with immediately before he harms someone or himself. My son being older saw a psychologist and this helped tremendously, they also helped me with strategies to deal with situations. .

Your local community centre might be a good place to start as they have access to psychiatrists, psychologists and other programs that may benefit you and your son.  As someone else said your GP can also help you and refer you to the right places.

Hang in there, all the best.

I to had a very violent three year old in fact it lasted until he started school i found that the one thing that worked for me (most of the time) was the 1,2,3 Magic where basically he ended up being put in his room. Where I might add he continued to throw things at walls doors etc, but I soon learnt having numerous people tell me he had ADHD that it was not the case it was the fact that I had returned to work and he just wanted my attention. I placed him in Day care explained to them what he was about and I found once I was gone he was great. But at home a different story back to that raging bull. But with the 1,2,3 it gave not only him time out but me, I actually turned the lock around on his door knob so that it could be locked from outside which I only had to do for a short amount of time before he learnt that he could not get out ,then I didn,t have to use it as he thought once the door was closed he would not be able to come out with out me unlocking it first, as I said he throw anything that was not nailed down at the doors, but as he threw things I would remove them and he soon also realised that his toys were slowly dissappearing  I would not return for 1 week anything I had to remove. I am pleased to say he is now almost 7 and one of the most loveliest little boys you would ever meet. Its really just pick a method and no matter what stick to it. I do know there is a book and a Video/DVD available on the 1,2,3 method. Hope this helps? But not all bad behave is ADHD some children just want and demand more attention than others. Hang in there and choose your method and stick to it. Good Luck.

I have one of those 3 year olds too!! You are not alone.  It sounds a little more severe than my situation, but I'm not trying to do it alone like you.  I take my hat off to you!  My 3 1/2 year old boy is starting to slowly grow out of it.  But it's taken a long time of finding ways to snap him out of it and I know it's really frustrating when they are that violent towards you, I find it really hard not to lash-out at him when he's like that with me.  It may not work for you, but I tried stopping what I'm doing and give him full attention and try to find out what's making him cranky.  Maybe he has a wet nappy (if he's still in nappies) Maybe he's teething and has a sore mouth.  Since I started giving him opportunity to talk to me about what his problem is he's stopped being so bad.....he still getting cranky not now sometimes when I try to talk to him he comes back with "I JUST CRANKY" and that's when I either walk away and leave him be or if there are other kids around and he's being violent I just pick him up put him in his bed and say "good night, have a sleep and when you can behave you can come and join us again"  Walk out and shut the door!  Normally it's because he's tired or unwell (ie teething or cold or headache or something)  Sleep is the best cure for any of those things.  You are not alone.  Hang in there.  find a friend who also has little kids and go hang out for a coffee and a play.....If you're in canberra email me and you can come have coffee with me.

Hi, don't loose faith! Check his diet, there are so many nasties in foods nowadays that set kids off. I know it sounds boring but its so true. We have tried our kids on no crap diets and it really has made a huge difference. Go to the library or bookshop(as its probably one of the best books you'll buy)and grab a copy of Sue Dengate's "Fed Up". It seems like its too hard at the beginning but once you are in a routine it magic. Good Luck!

 Hi there singlemama,

I was just wondering how you were holding up? Seems to me you're wading through some of the most difficult issues in your life and you're doing a darn good job of keeping afloat.  Congratulations for reaching out seeking help. I wish there was more I could offer but I wanted to let you know that we are listening and we are here in the sidelines cheering you on.

Whatever happens, reading your initial post I feel you are a very caring and hard working mother who is putting her all into helping her son. As a parent, that is the best we can do.  And even though there are  times when you think that's not enough, remember, you're a hero. A lesser person would have given him some brain-numbing drowsy drugs and not sought further help.

Keep up the good work and I look forward to hearing good news from you in the future. 

 hi i read ur blog from Jan 14 and maybe his behaviour is due to ur family members? R u still living with ur parents?  I dont mean to offend at all but by the sound of the blog they are not helping. U say ur sister swears infront of him and that they have let him sip wine? Children soak up everything they see or hear. I remember when my baby brother was 5yrs old he swore in front of mum when she told him off for it he just replied - "but u say it?!" And so I try not to swear infront of my son, even though he is only 6months old! Maybe u can ask a referral from ur doctor for a child phycologist? 

I know how hard it is to be a single mother and it just means we have to be extra strong for our kids.  I hope everything goes well 4 u n ur lil boy. Try to play with him and hug him and let him know that he is loved by mum! If u need someone to chat to, complain to or just to say hello to u can drop me an email gigi_krisma@hotmail.com. good luck!

I am so sorry that you are in such a situation with your child. All i can say is i hope it improves soon if you go and do get professional help for him and you like people have suggested below. Trying to handle it yourself will eat you up and would get worst.

I understand your situation in a way by reading your past blogs. I feel your son might of got traumatised or got ideas from your parents? (because your living with them) and they disciplined him differently to how you started to discipline him. You mentioned that he was given hidings instead of being put on the naughty chair. Do you still live with them or did you manage to find your own place? I think the environment your son was in while you were at work is the cause of why he is like this now.

For now, i know it is going to be hard but try and spend time with him doing things he likes and do try getting some professional help.

Take care and keep us updated...

P.S. People here do care whether they are single parents or not. They do want to help you and if they say something that you dont like to here, dont take it the wrong way as they are not trying to put you down, sometimes our emotions get in the way and we dont read things the right way...

Just a thought.  Go onto a website called nami.com.  It is about borderline personality disorder.  If your son experienced or saw any abuse whether verbal, emotional or otherwise it can affect your child.  I always thought my daughter might be bipolar.  After I was referred to this sight I found it fits her to a T.  If it does look like he fits some of the categories I would get him to a counselor asap.  My daughter is in her 30's and she has a long road ahead of her.  Good luck and God bless.

What I read here is a Mom that needs help.  This can't go on for everyone's sake. You are heart broken but I think you are in the right direction looking for help.  You have gotten some great answers here so start with those and the doctor.  Then on to other professionals.  Some times the answers are so easy when we find out how.  I would look at his diet too and cut all artifical foods, take out sugars and refinded things and also anything with artifical colours.  You have to be firm and loving and reverse what has gone on here.  He will love you even more when he can enjoy his own life and be calm. You will figure it all out, best of luck.

This is quite serious but I must agree with the previous comments, how does he get access to knives they should be well out of the way for his little hands. he does need a regular routine and you should be in charge of him it rather looks as if he in charge. It must be frightening for you too. What about a visit to his doctor and go on from there

Hope all gets sorted for you

Love Pauline

I'm struggling to understand how a 3 year old understands how to use a razor, sharp knife and comprehends what to do with it and that it injures people. Which leads me to the next question, what was his father like? Was he abusive sexually or physically? Your son may be lashing out. That is my 2 cents as 3 year olds shouldn't even know what a knife is, or be using the word "hate", how to hit with a closed fist (normally 3 year olds would slap). Something doesn't add up and I suggest you see a children's psychologist STRAIGHT AWAY before this gets out of hand. If you don't do something about it now your son's behaviour could get out control and he may even kill someone, if not you, or himself, another innocent child or person.

I would get him assessed professionally and don't wait.  Mothers instincts are usually spot on.  It may be nothing much to worry about but it will give you the answers you need.  I don't know where you live, but there would either be something in the front pages of your phone book, or your GP can steer you in the right direction.  Good luck

Julie

 It sounds to me that you have tried everything, this is definitely not normal behaviour for a  3 year old. You need professional help, I would be getting him off to see a doctor ASAP....this also sounds like a dangerous situation for you and others, as Izzy stated I would making sure knives and any sharp objects are securely locked away out of his reach.

I hope you can get some answers and treatment so you can feel safe and  be able to enjoy your son.

I agree with the others. This is not normal behavior for a 3 year old. I suggest that your first course of action be with a doctor (either a pediatrician or psychologist). The other should be that your child should not have access to knives. Get child locks for your drawers, or if you think your child can get around it, then put your knives somewhere else.

You are being controlled by your child and it really should be the other way around. Please seek any help that is available to you, from parenting resources to medical specialists.

good luck.

Wow, that is a mind blowing story.  Get him to a doctor.  That is definitely not normal behaviour for any child.  Until you can get him to a doctor you need to look at the following things:

1. Why does he have access to knives and breakables in the kitchen?  I have twins and unconditionally they are not allowed in the kitchen.

2. Does he have a routine? Do you have wake time, breakfast, get dressed, clean teeth, then structure your day (i.e. something educational, free playtime, morning tea, then repeat until lunch, afternoon tea, dinner).  Include play where he can use up a lot of energy.

3.  What foods is he eating?  As hard as it is (being a single mother and trying to manage anyting - I take my hat off to you) I would try and only give him fresh food, nothing pre-made.  That way you will limit preservatives, sugars and food colouring that is often linked to behavioural issues.

4. Behaviour chart - we didn't find the naughty mat really work at all, although we send them (3 yo in July) to the "laundry".  They dont' like that.  With the behaviour chart, they have to earn 10 stickers (displayed on a chart, they get to choose which sticker, which is a reward in itself) then get a reward, it doesn't have to be a big reward but it must be something he wants, it could be a treat or it could be going somewhere like the zoo etc.  BUT it is important to never take stickers away at this age otherwise they will feel all their good work is undone so why bother.  You need to reward him with a sticker for every good thing you see him do something good.  This is to promote good behaviour e.g. using manners, setting the table, sharing, doing something you ask, being well behaved (I use this one when they are in a bad mood and tell them if they are happy until lunchtime they can have a stick - works a treat), the list could go on.  But this is the best thing we have used.  About 5 months ago I started seeing an angry 2yo in my girl, this chart beat that and I very rarely see her (I mean maybe once every few months). Plus it is important each time he earns a stick you give him heaps of praise, make it a big deal!

6. Talk to him - he is almost 3 and understands way more than we ever give them credit for.  Explain to him what he is doing and how it is affecting you. Tell him how you are going to change it.  Get him to help you with the reward chart, get him to help choose the fresh meals etc...

The more you include and love and laugh perhaps it may help.  But as the previous person said this may being something much deeper than these simple remedies.  Wishing you  all the best!

Kirra

Hi Singlemama,

When your son starts with his tantrum, get in quick and try to extinguish the situation by totally changing the subject and leave the room, in a fun excited voice, like eg: ooohhhhh !!!! the postie has just arrived, race you to the letter box? Then go. (Without you there, what is he going to do?. When he starts with the outbursts don't answer back, LEAVE THE ROOM. He will get to understand that it is not acceptable behavour and if your not there, he will stop. Sometimes little ones like to control everyone, so as an idea try to get in quick and defuse the situation, don't let him injure you, grab him and hold him tight even if it means laying on the floor to stop him kicking (watch out for the teeth). Hold his arms close to so he can't hit you or grab things to hit you with, talk in a soothing voice (as much as you can) Let him know you love him and he wouldn't want you to hurt him in the same way. You may have to hold him tight to you for sometime, but what have you got to loose. You have to try and get him to learn empathy, FAST. Only then will he understand that it isn't right to lash out. Try to get him outside and burn some energy off, being a tired boy may cool him down too. Make it fun, kicking a ball at the park, chasing butterflys, anything to burn off the energy outside. Even just running together from letter box to the next letter box in the street. Time and good times are the best things you can do for a trouble some child. Switch off the TV, (if you have one) and read books. Good luck, my thoughts are will you. Email me back if you want. gailnew23@hotmail.com

I hate to be the one to say it but what you need to do is get him into see a doctor what he has at the least is oppostional defiance disorder most likely at the worst I will leave that blank my best advice is get help it will not be easy given his age but as a parents we know things

I went through the same things with my oldest in the end I lost the battle she no longer can stay with us for she became too much of a danger this does not have to be the case but the sooner one gets help maybe there can be a solution but trutst me believing it will stop wont work and blaming yourself wont make it different either I use to and still do rake over every memory in my head wodnering if only and in the end I know what I know and that is none of it matters it would of been the same good luck