At school, the teacher can use peer pressure to get better results, and teachers aren't emotionally attached to your kid's behavior like you, so go easy on yourself.

Having said that, maybe it's time to ask yourself whether your expectations are realistic at home. No child ever sits quietly all the time, especially not after being quiet all day long at school.

If you are divorced or have lost your daughter's respect by betraying her trust, shaming her in front of others or something like that, try to find out what she feels about you. Whatever you do, stop going against her and start working with her, stop demanding and start respecting her.

You might want to visit Family Matters and search for "communication styles" and "love languages". I think you will find this information very useful in communicating with your daughter.

Good luck!

Ronit

Simple at school the routine is the same and at home can change without notice.  My Austic boy 8 loves school best behavior at school.  When at home has a meltdowns regularly will not do as he is told and trys to hurt his siblings.  At present we give him a visual timetable and state verberlly to do and let him know of changes in routine. It works most of the time. Ask your daughter  why she doesnt want to do?? Try to explain what will happen if she doesnt do as she is told them something that she love to have or do will go away or she will go into room for awhile up to 8 minutes.  Or you could try 1-2-3 magic explain she talks back firstly thats a 1 continues 2 and continues 3 in your room short explaination.  Times up no disscussion back to play or watching tv etc.  If she hurts anyone thats a three room straight away.  That one does work gives you chance to calm down before warning child and gives the child chances to behave.  Need more info look up in library as its a great disapline program for children 2-12yrs 

This is usually the case with kids starting at a very early age. I started my son in preschool at 2 years old and it was clear that he was much behaved at school than he is at home. My husband and I often joke that the teachers must be talking about some other kid when they come up to us and tell us how great our boy is.  Now, I'm not talking about naughty behavior that he does at home though. It's just that at school he is more likely to clean after himself, wash himself, pick up and stuff, but at home it's a struggle for me to make him pick up his toys.

In general though, you don't want to escalate to screaming in order to get your child to do what you ask for her. It's worth practicing other tactics at this time. As in, give consequences. Example - you can tell her that if you have to clean her toys that you will put them away where she can't find them for a whole day. And if you have to do it the 2nd time, you'll put it away for 2 days etcetera.  At school, there are a clear consequences for misbehaviors which is not often the case at home.

School had that effect my son  however he was really quiet at school very shy and when he got home he was himself not naughty but use to let alot of energy off. My freinds always thought he was this very quiet boy until they would see him at home they use to say he looks so sad at school he never liked the school environment. I would say this is just a phase but you will have to be firm and set some rules for her behaviour and try and stay calm because she is feeding of your mood and no she gets a reaction. Maybe no play mates over until she changes her attitude she has to see there are consequences for her actions.

Same with my child, at his parent teacher interview a couple of weeks ago his teacher was shocked when i said he is a shit of a child, hes a angel a school never gets in to trouble, good student, but at home he has auttide problem, yells screams wont do as he told.  But i would rather him good at school than be naughty that he is at home. It could be that age mine's 8 years old too.  

Wow I think you could have written this for me, my 10yr old daughter is exactually the same. We have tried everything with her but nothing seems to work, we have noticed that she will try and play me and her father against eachother. She can be great for her dad when Im not around but once Im there she changes. She is also really good in school now but very naughty at home. I wish you all the best and hope u find some answers to help you. I will keep looking for help myself. :)

I think you need to try another approach. Screaming and yelling is only encouraging her to scream and yell back. You can't teach a kid to stop yelling and screaming when you're doing the exact same thing. Screaming and yelling only creates hostility. If someone at worked screamed at you until you did something, are you more or less inclined to do what they ask? How would you feel about that person? Nagging, repeating yourself, yelling, screaming, long-winded lectures etc do not work. I know this because I had a father who did all of the above and in the end I just ended up hating him and not doing what he wanted to do on purpose to get a reaction out of him. Be involved. Take out the rubbish with her, run the bath water with her to the right temperature etc Build a relationship back up with her and she will be more inclined to do things. Yelling and screaming stops now unless you want to raise an adult who yells and screams to get what they want. You need to teach her appropriate communication skills.

Jacsmollen said exactly what i would have. But I think you have inspired me to write a new advice. Patience and Consisitency are critical with kids, as is the old phrase about turning the other cheek. Kids are what they see. If they see yelling, they yell. If they are treated like your equal, they will try to take that role. kids feel secure because there is an adult in control handling the things they have not physically, developmentally, matured enough to handle. The litterally are not capable of some things until certain ages as their brains do not have the capacity yet. Be patient and consistent, and remember that you are the adult and she is the child. If you stoop to childish behaviour, you have made yourselves equals. Not good. But there is a light, and there is hope. And Jacsmollen has outlined the answer for you perfectly.

Maybe you should take another approach....

Kids learn from us so we need to be quite mindful on how we do things. If you yell and scream at her she will come to the conclusion that this is what I can do at home. Instead of yelling and screaming (I know it can be hard especially when all has failed or when you are tired and had the last straw) but why don't you count to 10 or 20 in your mind and then quietly respond to her in a calm manner but direct and straight to the point.

Don't worry too much that she is showing her good behavior at school...that's great! you must be teaching and doing something right otherwise she wouldn't be doing it. I remember my mother said to me that kids will use their good behavior on the outside because they have to put on a show to the outside world, otherwise they will feel or get rejected. But at home they are secure in the knowledge that we love them no matter what.

Disrespect and disobeying are two different things.... for your daughter to show you respect you must give her respect and either way it is earned. You show her by not yelling or screaming your point across and by teaching her calm and direct to the point she will eventually learn. Disobeying is when she refuses to do what she has been asked you just then remove a privilege from her soon enough she will get the point and remember to be direct and importantly be consistent.

Consistency is the hardest thing to do we all tend to fail in that because we are either tired, too busy, can't be bothered, or whatever the case is. Just keep on persevering, your not alone.