if labour has you that terrified id be going for a c-section .i would also be making a complain to the hospital about the way you were treated,maybe the doctor or nurse did not coach you well enough cause usually you should be able to push the baby out sometimes without ripping so bad id say the babys head was a bit big ,always huff the babys head out..how big was it ?

maybe even do a list for your doctor to see stating that you want the anestetic to take effect prior to stitches ,make sure you know you mean buisness in my last baby they broke her jaw cause they were in a rush adn wanted her out it hurt like crazy and i was amazed i did not rip but she had problems feeding for 3 mths becuase of it .you need better care so demand it but the fear if its that bad organise a c-section yourll be safer good luck

Sounds like you had a horrendous delivery with your first, i can somewhat relate to this one. I have just fallen pregnant with our second and got PND at the start as i couldnt comprehend going through labour again. (I dialated 9cm in 1 hour and went into shock after having my son, it took me about 7 weeks to recover, i was on pain killers for what felt like an eternity and this made it very  hard to bond with my child)- you have this image in your head with your first i think, that you push them out and that its all over, but after the delivery of baby sometimes can be harder. I also thought about going for c-section this time, but cant bring myself to do it as i am petrified of needles, no matter how many times i'm told that an epidural isnt that bad.

I think that if you feel you cant go thorugh another natural labour and that it will cause you stress and anxiety then dont do it, There is NO need to 'suck it up and get on with it' this is your body and no matter what you do your enduring alot! I think you need to go with what makes you feel at ease, does the thought of a c-section put your mind at rest? I have had 6 girlfriends have babies in the past few months 3 of which had c-sections, all of them felt great with in a could of days, one was on only panadol the next day. Like i said thought its about what makes you feel comfortable. If only babies really did come from stalks :)

Good luck with the decision that you choose to make, you will be fine. If you do go for a natural birthday and your worried about the doctor butchering you again then you need to make then stop, dont give them a choice until you can feel the local. Also there is the option of rubbing oil in these areas from 35wks i think- though i can remember what oil this is, and drinking rasberry leaf tea to help your body get ready for the delivery.

Every birth is different and the chances of that happening again would probably be unlikely but I can see why you are scared.

Graphic details?  I missed those! LOL.

Every birth is different.  Just because you had a bad experience with your first, doesn't mean it will be the same with the others.  Actually, it should be easier because your daughter has paved the way so to speak.

Talk with your medical staff about your experiences and what you want.  Especially about your fear of tearing like you did last time, as it can lead to prenatal depression.

I'm not an advocate of a C-section without a valid medical reason.  Recovery time is much longer, you aren't able to move around for the first few hours after delivery and post natal depression is more common amongst women who have c-sections.

In addition to that, women have a harder time trying to breastfeed because they are so sore and you can't lift anything heavier than your baby for several weeks, which makes doing anything hard.  Housework has to fall by the way because you just can't bend and stretch as normal, so keep that in mind.

Often, women can feel a sense of failure, even if a c-section is planned, and this can cause bonding issues with their baby, and onto the pnd.

On the upside, you know when your baby will be born, you don't have to be hours in labour and it is relatively pain free.

Ultimately, the choice is yours, but i prefer vaginal births because I can go home the same day and get my new normal going asap, which is important with so many kids (5! lol).  If you have friends who would be prepared to be with you when you give birth, who have had more kids than you and can keep calm and help you keep focused, then have them there.  I'd do it, but no transport! LOL.

Most of all, keep talking to your medical team, even raising your voice if they are brushing you off, so that you are treated like a person, not just another baby producing machine.

And no, you don't have to suck it up.  No one should ever tell you you should because they aren't you and don't know what you experienced.  Just read as much as you can and ask specific questions, we are more than happy to help after all.

HI There,

Firstly you shouldn't just have to "stuck it up"  I had a terrible natural birth with my first son, tore like you did, etc, massive infection agter, then surgery 4 months later to fix all the damage.  I had a c-section second time around.  I had a doctor who told me that chances of it happening again were slim.  But on the other hand I had a colorector surgoren tell me that if it went bad again I would end up in nappies, if you get my drift, and there was no way at 25 I was going to let that happen.

I went ahead with my c-section and for me it was much easier yes even the recovery than my first natural labour.   It is your body and your baby it's your choice to have a c-section.  No one can force you to have another natural birth.  Read up about it know the risks etc.  Go in to the hospital informed and knowing what you want.

Wish you the best.