I had similar problems with my son before my divorce. Things were really bad in the house and he obviously felt it. I asked several therapists about it & got (what I think was) good advice from a world-famous Marriage & Family Therapist - he said that both parents should sit with the child and tell him that we are ready for him to be big and that part of being big is using a toilet like a big person. He emphasized the importance of giving this message to the child together, saying that if the issue is not physical then it is one of control (the child feels he doesn't have enough control over his life - and this is something he has full control over). If the parents are working together, the child has less need for control.

I too went through the things you're talking about - offering prizes, rewarding him for going, making him change his own things, etc. My ex, unfortunately, was unwilling to try what the therapist suggested, so I don't know if it would have worked. I tried on my own, but the therapist told me that was missing the point.

My son's accidents (which had been daily, several times a day) ended the day after the divorce. It has now been four years and it never happened again.

Your son's case is probably very different, but if you've checked out the medical side, it may be worth checking the emotional side, particularly in terms of control.

 

It sounds funny or something. I've tried many things with my son when he was 3 years old, such as rewards. At the end I decided to let my son looked at my husband when he went to toilet and we bought him a little toilet sit and a stool.  Don't forget to praise them when they've done it and don't get mad if they leave you wet bed. It took times to do it, we just have to be patient. Try not to push the child too hard, just let him does it when he comfortable and ready to do it.

For bed time, we always take him to do wee in toilet before goes to bed and wake him up 11pm to do another one. At the end, his body just accept the routine and we don't have to wake him up at 11pm anymore.

Good luck.

Had two friends who have had major hassles potty-training.  Whilst one of them continues to have no luck and is stuck with pull-ups, the other had remarkable success taking the child into the bathroom with them when they go to the toilet - ie its normal, nothing to be scared of, the way grown up people do it etc. 

The mother didn't say anything, just whenever she went to the toilet, the child came with her.  (Mind you, she does have a powerful fan in the bathroom - not sure whether this would consist of inhumane and cruel punishment if it was a tiny loo with inadequate ventilation;->  Then whilst changing nappies, asks the child if they would like to try using the potty the next time, and offers them a reward that they will earn if they do use the pottty.

Lets the child model their own behaviour on the parents - something they have been doing since they were born.   Stops what is potentially a frightening and pressuring situation into something that is laid back, normal and the child controls.  gl:-)

Carrot and stick are the euphamisms representing training methods of reward and punishment right? Nearly everything in training a child works better when we focus on the carrot.

My mother has run a child day-care for 15 years and has single handedly potty trained near a hundred kids. 100% success. Some take more effort then others.

The carrot:
a bucket of little prizes that sits near the toilet. Each successfull potty gets a prize. (when he gets the hang of #1 then only reward #2.
And a really nice toy that he really wants sitting on the back of the toilet. He doesn't even get to touch it until he puts something solid in the bowl.

The stick:
Underwear. make the swith to bigboy pants and stick with it except at nap and bed time. Not pull-ups either. underwear feels yucky when soiled. If he still resists, turn it up a little. Accidents are cleaned up in a cold shower. Okay I don't mean ice-water here but cold enough to feel awefull. Yeah it sounds like abuse and torture, but real torture is letting him be "that kid" who soils himself at school.

I have heard if your child goes to the toilet at the same time each day... then anticipate it and place them on the potty.
Codi goes regularly after dinner and just before bath time. So in future I plan to use this time for training. He might already be ready... but I don't think I am yet! ;)

Psychologically, children can get very worried and stressed about producing something on the toilet. Like some people get writer's block, or frightened of heights. There's an uncertainty that frightens them. I may not be able to do it. That's why the advice is often to forget about it and not pressure the child too much. One alternative is to use a doll (called a transformational object). The child gets to simulate the process of pooing or weeing through the doll. Your child is in control of the process. The success of the doll and the sense of control he has over the doll's processes may lead him to loose his inhibitions about pooing and weeing. But it may not.
It is still important, I think, that you don't pressure him about it, and make it something positive. Make sure the reward for pooing or weeing is something he really wants and doesn't get very often. A really special present. And let him decide what it should be and when he would like to claim his prize.
I would not let him sit in soiled clothes or change dirty underwear himself. That only humiliates him. He should be reminded that being clean is important.
Finally, you could try and talk to him about being dirty and pooing in relation to animals. "What is that horse doing? He's doing a pooh. Why is that animal cleaning itself? Cause it will get sick, if its dirty?" Don't talk about him, but talk about animals or a doll. It enables him to rationalise the process so that it looks less intimidating. Maybe, he would like to pooh somewhere else. You could ask him how he would like to do it. Check out the advices on Minti.

Good luck

Wombat

http://www.minti.com/parenting-advice/167/Potty-Training/

There are number of tricks to make it fun - perhaps the most effective is to get a doll that pees and have him train the doll - then celebrate the doll's success :) Hope it helps!