i neednt say more there are some great tips and advice on this page , good luck her self worth  is very important ( i also think the other girls are jealous of her  abilitys )

GC...I hate the thought that girls are still going through this even in the 21st century.  If you don't get at it now, it will be the same always.  My son, who has adhd, went through the same thing last year, with boys.  Although boys are nowhere near as bad as girls can be, we got to the point where he didn't want to go to school.

I arranged a meeting with the school principal, the deputy, the year teacher, the home room teacher, the school counsellor, a rep from the education department, a child mental health advocate and a lawyer.  I put it to them that they were failing in their duty of care to let things get to the point they were, that they were not inspiring the sort of confidence in them that would allow my child to feel as if he could come to them with a problem and that unless something was done NOW, I had legal recourse to turn to.

Within days, they had the whole school locked into anti-bullying programmes, the children responsible were taken to task and by the end of the year, my son was actually looking forward to school.  This year he went eagerly.  Ok, he may never be the most popular kid in school, he may never have the throngs of friends that I wish for him, but he now knows that if you stand up for yourself, if you refuse to lie down and be a doormat, that things can change for the better.

Good luck with your daughter...we all love her even if we haven't met her.  Let her know that, ok?

kd

Ok so everyone is meeting and talking to your girl what about the other girls has anione talked to them???? How about the teachers siting down with them and get to the bottom of it. that sort of abuse should not be tolerated and they should be punished. try and work it out soon with the school if not change school. your girl deserves the best and this school by the sound of it is not providing the best for her. good luck

Hi

I will not offer the included story as advice, because it was not handled in the best way. I will tho give you the story of what happened when my daughter was harrassed at high school.

I actually turned up unanounced to the school walked through the school until I located my daughter. I then made her point out the other girls involved, upon doing so I gathered these girls together and asked the question why?.

None of them could give me a straight answer. In the mean time a teacher arrived to see what was happening, I told him I was not leaving until this issue is resolved. We all sat there for an hour talking and by the time I left they had aplogised to me and my daughter.

She has not had another problem since. So I don't know if this will help.

Good luck

I have been there done this and all I can say is move her schools. That way she might get a fresh start and I think some selfconfidence classes will be of great value also. Karate is a great way to build self esteem.

 Lexi xxx

I experienced a similar thing in year 8 too as it happens!  I remember one of the teachers commenting at the time that this was extremley typical behaviour among year 8 girls and I believe it.  I very nearly changed schools too, but decided to stick it out till the end of the school year rather than changing mid-year.  Things improved in that time so I ended up staying at the school till the end of high school.

It's hard to say if a new school will help.  I hate to say it, but I think the real problem you have on your hands is your daughter's self-confidence and sense of self-worth.  Partly this is an age thing because in year 8 you're still trying to determine your own identity.  But a new school won't be what fixes that problem - though it may relieve the symptoms for a while. Perhaps a new school, plus something to help your daughter with her confidence may help.  She may benefit from an outside female counsellor (not the school one who would have their own agenda) or even just being involved in some outside interests.  For example a sport, swimming team, acting lessons (that's what i did), or something else that allows her to make friends in a new environment and to be successful in a new way.

Good luck with everything.  I really feel for you and your daughter and I hope the situation improves.

Anyone going through High School with any deficiency other than perfection as appraised by the 'in group' is bound to go through torment to a greater or lesser degree than your daughter. Boys are not immune from this kind of persecution either, as I being a victim at HS can testify.

There are a few things to consider about a child who is targetted by others: Is it self-perpetuated? Sometimes the victims reaction to taunting, teasing  and bullying invites the perpetrators to continue what they consider is a game. If the victim does not play the rules of their game, that is they don't react or show any concern over time, then the perpetrators may lose interest. Is the behaviour of the victim inviting torment? Sometimes the victim may use language, behavour patterns, dress sense that is way out of field with the rest of the peer group and we know how important peer group pressure is in the teens. This 'out of field'  behaviour can be modified or changed so that the child is not so noticed. Thirdly, is the victim over-reacting to situations, thus perpetrating disdain from the peer group. We all know how 'groups' love to put the boot in when someone's down. Perhaps your daughter doesn't fit any of these categories but from my experience of bullying over my teaching career the victims often make the situation worse by the way they react to threats, teasing etc. Those that survive best are those thate learn coping mechanisms to deal with the abuse.

A few things to consider about changing schools:

• what is it saying to your daughter to change schools. Is it saying, "When the going gets tough, the tough get going?" In other words is it teaching her to flee from her problems rather than face them? I believe that no problem is insurmountable and cannot be dealt with through proper problem solving techniques. Why don't you and your daughter brainstorm all possible solutions, then look at each one and discuss the pros and cons, then prioritise your solutions and choose the best one to act upon.
• a new school may contain students who know or are related to those in the group who are vicimising your daughter, thereby the problem can just be transferred.
• will your daughter have developed strategies for coping with future teasing and taunts from students at her new school if and when it happens?
• is the 'Anti-Bullying Policy' at the new school going to protect your daughter?

It sounds to me that the High School your daughter attends has little understanding in implementing a sound anti-bullying program. We had 2 brothers in our school who were bullying all aged students and were adept at avoiding being caught by teachers. Most witnesses were too frightened to give evidence in fear of retaliation. The Principal with consultation with the staff came up with a 'Bully Busters' concept. The students in all grades were told that each class would have 2 Bully Busters and that no one other than the teacher and Principal would know who they were. These Bully Busters would report to the Principal directly of any bullying in their classroom or whilst on breaktime. It worked a treat because the victim when reporting bullying was not seen as the 'dobber' as the teacher or principal always told the bully that the 'Bully Buster' had seen what they had done or said. The bully was appropriately put on a playground or class monitoring card and parents informed. The bullying soon ceased when the bully got sick of looking over  his shoulder and not knowing who the informer was. I put this in as an example of a school that took positive action on bullying, You need to see the Principal and express your disapproval at the existing 'Anti-Bullying Policy' of the school because it is obviously not working.

Have you thought about 'Conflict Resolution' classes for your daughter? I am sure if you approached Health and Community bodies that they would be able to steer you in the right direction. Maybe your daughter could also do a 'Communication Course' where self assertiveness is taught. Martial arts is of course and option but  a pretty dangerous one in these days of litigation and school policies on violence.

You have an absolute right to be concerned for your daughter but please do not rush into a decision without thorough consideration of the consequences because all they will all have an effect on your daughter future schooling and life.

I am only new to this site but your letter touched me.  I read most of the comments already made and there are some really good advice and direction there.

What I recognise in your letter is that your daughter is a very talented and beautiful young lady.  She has a personality that other girls would "die" for and as such, can cause resentment, jealousy and envy.  In other words, there is not really anything you can do or anywhere you can turn to, to take this away from her, for she will find that what she has is something that is internal, that is, it is part of her character and personality and she oozes with it.  Unless she is confident in who she is herself and what she is capable of at such a young age, then she will always be plagued by those who feel inferior to her.  I do not mean that she overpowers them, or that she has done anything, in fact she does not have to do a thing for this to happen.  It is only a few whose paths are bound with such challenges and your daughter is one of them, just as I was.  I am 44 years of age now, and I still have to battle with jealousy, resentment and envy from others, specifically female. 

What I have learned is unless you are confident and sure of who you are, you will always be dragged down.  Your daughter has been gifted from God with a special essence that gives off beauty that is beyond skin deep.  Those who are lacking in any part of their lives, big or small, will battle with your daughter.  This is a hard time for young ladies, especially sensitive ones and they do need to be encouraged, uplifted and supported emotionally in order to overcome.  If she cannot find a friend to like her for herself, then don't bother.  Let them come to her.  Whatever talent or ability she already has, use it, but use it to draw others to her and not away from her.  Another is to meet the rumours head on.  Instead of becoming upset by what is being said, turn it around.  When she meets someone for the first time, tell them of the rumours that are going around about her, but add a twist to them.  Something like..."You'll most probably hear some out there news about me like.....  But that's alright.  I just hope that you will not be too hard on those who tell you, they have had it hard, and don't have anyone to pick on, that's where I come in...It gets a bit much sometimes, but at the end of it, it is making me a stronger person inside.  Of course, if you believe them, then that's alright too,  I guess we all can't be decent, honest people, otherwise who would the ratbags talk about"...

Of course, those are my words but I am sure you get the gist.  A difficult thing for all people to overcome is the stigma of being liked...a people pleaser!  Don't fall into this trap it will take away from you what is you.  Instead look at it differently, you are not here to please people, but to please God and as long as he is pleased with your daughter, no-one else's opinion matters.  I write like this for I have my own personal relationship with God and know when he directs me anywhere, and in this case this letter.  He has shown me your daughter has the same challenging path to walk ahead of her, but if she can draw into Him he will guide her footsteps and when the time is right, (and it could take years) all those who have attacked her will bow down to her, so long as she remains the loving, caring, helpful and abiding child that I believe she is.  As for the males, you as mother, can deal with them and put them in their place and then let them know that if things get worse for your daughter, you will hold them responsible.  After all, they were put on this earth to protect, and ensure safety and security.  Not sure if this helps, I only hope it opens you and your daughter up to the wondrous possibilities that will work for you to achieve peace in amidst turmoil. 

I've come to the conclusion that teenage girls are among the cruelest creatures on the planet.  I had the same sort of thing at school.  It took me a long time, but eventually I learned to stand up for myself and I learned how to deal with it.

On the idea of moving her to a private school, be very aware that private school kids can be a lot worse.  If there is another public school she can go to I'd recommend at least taking a look at it.

The idea of having a meeting with the parents of the other children could go a long way towards making things a lot better, but there may be one or two of the girls who have less than desirable parents that will actually make things worse for her.  Though having one or two girls picking on your daughter harshly would be a lot better than having all of them picking on her.

If she has a maturity level good enough, let her watch the movie "Romey and Michelle's High School Reunion".  It may give her some assurance that she isn't the only one, that enough girls go through that stuff that someone actually made a movie about it, and that years later, what is important at school suddenly doesn't matter anymore once the adult world is entered.

You could be describing me when I started year 8. I had a group of girls that would follow me around calling me names and pushing me around just becasue they could. I was called a s**t becasue I had boobs. My mothers solution worked for me but may not for everyone.

She started me in martial arts (Kyokoshin Karate) and also rang the school principle and very firmly but politely told her that if something wasn't done to stop the bullying then a formal complaint would be made to the education minister.  I don't think mum talking to the pronciple made the slightest difference what did was the martial arts gave me self confidence and when the time came for the final push these girls gave me (they surrounded me in that back of the school and tried to beat me up) I was able to defend myself in such a way that they never came near me again. But even before that came I had changed I no longer looked down when I wlaked I smiled and I also made friends outside school. Friends who had no way of getting involved with the girls at school.

Not sure if this helps

hi

there is not much more i can say that has not already been said but i know what u r going through as my son had the same problem and we shifted 3 times from jimboomba to killarney to sunshine coast and every school was the same - he is now on a pension and doing support work 2 days a week and living in his own unit with no girlfriend - and i feel a lot of his problems were brought on because of the bullying at school.  I really feel for u and hope you are able to sort things out but in the mean time i send you all the love and support i can

love and light your angelic friend june