Hi, It was my eleventh birthday when my Mum re-married & I was 12 and a half when he adopted my brother and I & I hated him until I was 17, then we became the best of friends and the most loving of father & daughter............what changed, I moved out of home for the first time.

My Mum & I have an unusually close bond, a wonderful ballance of Mother and friend was establlished from when I was five years old.  Dad wanted to be as close to Mum as my brother and especially I was, and was jellous so we clashed and clashed and clashed.  I know this to be true because we discussed it before I got married 2.5 years ago, which I'm glad of, because he passed away a year ago.

He was very very strict through my tweens and teens and puberty and strictness are like oil on water, they are only ever going to repel and rebel, never mix well.

You can't have especially a hormonally vulnerable girl & a Dictator Dad & expect it to work.  She is biologically designed at this stage in her life to rebel, your hubby is giving her the PERFECT target of said rebellion.  the best thing you could do is sit him down & explain what it's like for a girl going through puberty, because it is almost opposite to a boy, so he will be completely in the dark.  Suggest to him a more suitable approach to use with her.

Re-adjust your house rules for her to include a couple of area's where she can prove her self to be responsible as a young adult (indulge her, that's what she thinks she is....remember), little later bed time, slightly more pocket money for slightly more mature chores with more responsibilty.  I began baby sitting for other people at age 13 every second weekend, my school friend and I shared, one weekend off each in turn.  They paid us, picked us up & dropped us off, our parents knew them etc.

I wasn't by nature an out an out rebel, because mainly of the respect for my Mum.  I held back because I didn't want to upset her.  I made up for it in my 20's.

You can't avoid it, it's a rite of passage & you are all going to have to sit down & work out the easiest path through the forrest of hell.

Good Luck

Unfortunately, I don't think there's a whole lot you can do. This is a difficult time regardless. Just keep reminding your daughter how much your husband loves her and that what he's reacting to is her behaviour, not her, and it's because he loves her that he cares what happens to her. I think most kids get hit with an incredible slap of insecurity the second they enter puberty and despite it being entirely counterintuitive, what they need from us is more reassurance (of course this is while they are being complete booger-heads to us ) more attention and more guidance. There are some people who argue that it is even more important to spend time with your kids when they are teenagers than when they are little bitty.