Hi There, there isn't much a four year old isn't going to be keen to TRY & participate in if it's with her big sis & her Mum, so aim a fun activity towards the 12 year old that is also going to be at least partially doable for the 4 year old.  YOU get to help the 4 year old.

 Involving yourself in the life of your 12 year old is very important, it's where a lot of parents lose track of what's REALLY going on with their teenagers, they just fall right out of the loop.

My Mum was involved in most everything my brother sis & I did (though we are all close in age), If we were in a play Mum did Props back stage for example.  She also had us involved with her & dads stuff like Lions Club fund raising stuff.  It meant none of us ever felt we couldn't talk to especially Mum (she involved herself with us a bit more than dad) about anything at anytime of our teen years, which is rare but a beautiful thing.

So not only will you be getting your eldest to play with your youngest but you will be building a stronger bond at a pivital time in your nearly teenage daughters life that will just naturally progress into Miss Fours when her time comes.

You can do mega girly stuff, like trying out new hair doo's, paint toe nails, both can be done with a four year old on the receiving end of a 12 year old and you doing the 12 year old.

I have posted a couple of Articals for things to do with you Tween & Teen Girls, which have some inexpensive limited expense artsy crafty activities that I'm sure you could involve them both (with your help) in.  You will all have a wonderful time to boot.

Do you ever get Miss 12 to babysit Miss 4 for payment????  Perhaps you could offer her $5- to take her bike riding in your local park (if that's a possibility) for an hour, it means she has to spend time with her, but she is also learning responsibility and what near teen doesn't want money????  If you combine all these suggestions you might find it all begins to work a bit smoother.

Good Luck

I never been in this situation yet. But I grew up with older sisters, the closest sister was 6 years older than me. I remember we got along very well, I think it because my mom always made us do thing together. Such as she made us helping my mom making cookies together, shopping together, did girly things, etc. I remember having sisters were really fun. There were times that older sisters wanted to be on their own, understandable I suppose. So, I don't know whether this would help on your case. But give it a try, maybe the 8 years gap might be the cause of the distance. You just have to try some stuff, included yourself in it, to create better bond between your daughters.