Thanks blink, funny you should say that, we actually had a civil talk via sms earlier and we decided that tonight were gonna do absolutely nothing other than spend quality time with the kids and once they're in bed, ALONE! We are going to go out for dinner (so much for my cabbage diet, its gonna have to go on hold i think) with the kids, then hire a movie, (he suggested an action movie) followed by some drinks and a bubble bath. I think Ive finally gotten thru to him. Plus, he said he wanted to spend more time together doing family things on teh weekend, so i just bought us a 6 man tent off ebay so that we can go camping and im gonna get some more fishing supplies coz i think the kids would really love that. Wish me luck for tonight people!!!

***SIGHS*** Ok, I know its not the fact that hes too afraid, because we were back in the sack a week after my son was born and that was 6mths ago. So its not that.

Ive tried dressing sexy, not slutty, and conservative all at the same time, and he goes and calls me a 'posh bitch' because im not in a pair of tracky dacks and a baggy tshirt.

Ive tried everything. Alcohol, toys, a night out without the kids, you name it ive tried it. And yesterday Id had jack of it and totally blew my nut at him and we had the most massive argument ever. And you know what? I still dont have an answer from him!

Last night as a way to apologise, I asked him if he wanted to watch a movie together when the kids went to bed, and I tried cuddling up to him and actually had to grab his arm and put it around me coz he wouldnt do it by himself. He used to be such a loving and kind person, and now all i feel is coldness coming from him.

And then this morning I get a txt msg from him, saying that he wants to make love tonight, so I wrote back saying are you doing this because you want to or because i want to? And he replied with 'both' anyway we got to talking and i really feel like he is only offering to make love tonight to shut me up and i really dont want to have to do it if his heart's not in it. I really thought he loved me but now im starting to doubt it. Im so upset!

I know what works with my hubby but I can't say it here!

I will say I had the same problem after i had my daughter but thats because after watching the labor he was afraid he would hurt me or it wouldnt be the same but after he reliased it was pretty much safe and it was still the same or similar it was no problem!

Also have you tried spicing it up? Role playing, cream and strawberries or fire and ice even toys and costumes just for fun can sometimes make a difference.

Ask him what his fantasies are and maybe take turns trying each others fantasies?

There are many books out there about how to spice it up.

i've been going through the same, it happened when i was still pregnant, i went on a shopping spree, i bought clothes that made me feel sexy, i went home waited for my man to return, with a BIG smile.

Being pregnant you don't feel attractive, so SHORT skirts and nice maternity tops made my man feel more attractive.

If that's not you maybe try going out for dinner or lunch, just the two of you like you's probably did before kids. Men get so caught up with work and we are working plus keeping the family together, we lose sight of each other the best way i found was remember how you got him and do it again, if it worked the first time it will win back his soul.

Talk to him ( and I don't mean dirty), He may not relise how you feel? He may not even be aware of the problem (after all he is a man!) Set aside some time when there will be no distractions and be honest and up front and ask him to be the same.

Well, I remember the first 3 months after giving birth with our 2 girls, and it was I who was not in the mood. This is how I felt, that my best friend had just seen me inside and out, and wow, our relations had produced a human--we don't want another one right away, I was scared. Maybe that is what he is going through. My husband was just patient with me...we'd cuddle and nothing more. We didn't "get it on" until about the 9th month...I know that sounds like a long time but that's what it took. Also, I had an episiotomy so I was so afraid of how it would feel.  Sex still hurts a little.

Hi,

Confidence goes a long way. Don't seem upset or agitated by the situation. Dress concervatively not provocative. Not entirely conservative but look nice,  and be upbeat. Sometimes the obvious (eg. dressing sexy )is not the answer. He may be looking for a soul mate not a conquest. It also puts you on the upper side since you don't look like you are trying to attract him, or not attract him. Keep him guessing.l

 

It is hard to try and answer this one with out details as such.. For example are you both in the mood at different times?  Are you saying that you don't feel he loves you any more?

If it is just a case of your moods not being in the same place at the same time, maybe you should start out by giving in to him a few times. I found this helpped.. Because the more you get the more you want and eventually we got back into the swing of things....  (I hope this helps.)

As for the love, that one is a little harder...  Maybe a few romantic not touch nights, go out with out the kiddies, take a walk. Make a few dates.. Try starting from the beginning.. I'm sorry I don't really ahve answers for that one...

God, we must be married to the same guy.  In my hubby's case I think he smokes and drinks too much and it has shot his sex drive in the B---s so to speak.

If you work it out let me know, I'm feeling very lonely these days, has been going on for years.