Parenting Question and Answers - Teenager Threatening Suicide - Minti

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ethrin | November 2006

Teenager Threatening Suicide

Please I am looking for some answers . My 13 year old is a troubled child and has been interested in suicidefor some time I at first thought it was an attention seaking thing but I am not so sure anymore .She is in councelling and has the watch on at school but she chats with kids on the net & in her life about how she can do it . This child had terriable trauma as a small child and it is felt that that is the problem .Please any ideas on how to deal with this are welcome .

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	January 2009 \| Oliveme

Re: Teenager Threatening Suicide

This is serious - not something to be taken lightly. I have a 14 yr old son who has been depressed since the beginning of the school year. He also has experienced trauma among some major life changing events recently (divorce; aunt with terminal cancer) and I too thought that the suicide talk was him seeking attention from me. Coincidentally, I took him to a counselor just last night who did NOT take this lightly at all even though my son had no specific plans on how he would commit the act nor had he discussed this at length with anyone other than me (so he says). The counselor insisted that he rate his desire to commit suicide (which he did - at a 2 on a scale of 1-10) and also insisted that he look at me and promise he would not act on this and that he name three people he would talk to if he had these feelings again. I was told that I may have to take him directly to an inpatient psychiatric hospital after leaving the counselors office. It wasn't until he spoke with my son at length alone that he desided he did not need immediate placement. It wasn't until last night that I realized the seriousness of the situation and my sons statements. Please, please, please get your child counseling immediately. Children of this age DO NOT understand the finality of suicide or the impact it can have on their loved ones. You must get her help today. I hope you are able to find assistance with this. Please if you need help finding resources I would be happy to do some research for you. God Bless.

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	December 2006 \| ethrin

Teenager Threatening Suicide

Thank you everyone .This child has been through all those stages that you are talking about . We had an appointment with Mental health today but she refused to go . This is always the same with a new step . I can only advise her but if I start to insist she becomes aggressive and violent or she stormes out of the house . She seems to have calmed down today as I have cancelled the appointment . We had some great times over the last few weeks when we traveled to Mackay & Rockhampton so I guess I should be content with that . Thanks again for all your advice .

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	November 2006 \| claudine1

Teenager Threatening Suicide

i feel for you. You need to verity if she is not on any kind of drugs, try to do it secretly. that garbage brings a lot of teenager depressions. i am not saying she's on it but verify. i don't know what happened when she was small but she needs to know she can talk to you about it when she feels like it and you are there to listen. my brother committed suicide when he was 42 and it was because he couldn't forgive himself for not being with my brother of 17 when he drowned. he committed suicide 22 years later. the last place he went before doing that was the spot where they use to go as teenagers. your daughter need to go talk to people who went threw the same as her or simular but was able to get better. one nice thing to do is start leaving nice notes or encouraging notes to her in her lunch or on her pillow, where she will find them when you are not around. wishing you all the best.

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	November 2006 \| violeta

Teenager Threatening Suicide

what ever you do do not ignore the problem, I have depresion for a long time and I have thouth of that but I know and everyone knows that I can never do it as my son needs me and I dont think that will solve my problems but it will create some for him, so as much as I say it I would not do it. but some people expecialy young people think that its the only way out and I do understand that. make sure she knows that you love her and you are doing all you can to help her, be her friend as much as you are her mother. dont live it all to the profesinals she can be there 2 hours a day but 22 are without their help and reasurance. Thats where you should step in. I am not saying that you dont already I am saying what the situation is looking from a person like her (like me). good luck

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	November 2006 \| Practical-Princess

Teenager Threatening Suicide

A lot of times when someone is threatening suicide, it is simply that - a threat. She may also be trying to sound tough to the people she chats to. Both are attention seeking and that may be all she wants - attention.

Of course, you want and need to take it seriously as you can never be sure. You say she suffered trauma when younger - are there any help groups in your area for the trauma she suffered? Often talking to someone who has been through the same thing helps. Get her to counselling - that may help. I'm sure you talk to her - reinforce how much she is loved and wanted. Show her you are interested in her life by asking her about school, her friends, whatever. Make time together to do things. Basically, show her you are her friend as well as her mother and hopefully she will open up to you.

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	November 2006 \| jenlemen

Teenager Threatening Suicide

i'm not sure what the protocol is where you live, but in my city, if a child is threatening suicide, the child would be hospitalized until the situation was stable--meaning counseling in place, meds prescribed and taken, plan for further help, etc. i hope and pray something works out soon and you both have some kind of breakthrough.

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	November 2006 \| upinchina

Teenager Threatening Suicide

I don't know what your home situation is so I am going on how I felt at that age. I was lonely (my sisters were older than me so I felt like an only child) and a lot of it had to do with self-esteem issues. I was too fat, too thin, wore ugly glasses, then like 2 yrs later I blossomed. I know you can't wait that long but I know it helped when I got more involved with girl scouts, band, etc. I guess it kept me busy...

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	November 2006 \| pumba

Teenager Threatening Suicide

My only sugestion would be to sit down with your daughter and talk with her try to get her to open up cause there might be communication brakedown it is quite common at her age and figure out why she feels that way it might be as simple as miss understanding what she is feeling she maybe scared of something or someone communication with your daughter is the key to the problem i hope this helped good luck

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	November 2006 \| ethrin

Teenager Threatening Suicide

Thank you we are doing all that .

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	November 2006 \| monyq83

Teenager Threatening Suicide

Wow. That is so terrible, you must be beside yourself. Its wonderful that she is having counselling, thats a great start. I dont know if doctors would put someone so young on anti-depressant medication, but sometimes it really can help. I know medication isnt always the answer, but when your child's life is at stake, maybe its worth looking into. Good luck on this one, its a biggy.

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	November 2006 \| ethrin

Teenager Threatening Suicide

We are trying to get her back on her meds but she wont take anyting any more . We are hoping to get her a psyc assessment when we can get an appointment . She is agreeing to this .Thank you for your advice .It is great to have some bounced back

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	November 2006 \| monyq83

Teenager Threatening Suicide

I really wish you the best of luck with your daughter, would you be able to let me know how she goes with the doctor? The main reason Im so concerned is I was in the same shoes as her when I was her age. It does get better with time, (thats if you can manage to get through it) but honest to god, its hard. Real hard. A word of advice from someone that's been there- give her something to live for. Im sure she knows you love her very much, but Im urging you, REALLY REALLY REALLY emphasise the fact. Also, if you think she's willing to talk to an outsider, im no shrink but i can certainly relate to where she's coming from, and id be more than happy to give you my msn or yahoo id's or even talk to her thru minti mail if you think it will help. My heart goes out to you.

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	November 2006 \| blackwidowkate

Teenager Threatening Suicide

Biggest hugs.....to you and your daughter.....
My 15 year old at that age wanted to kill herself as well. Luckily enough she didn't but she still has some days. She has been seeing a counsellor so that she can talk through her feelings with someone who is not going to tell me everything. She discusses with Megan what she wants to tell me and what she should tell me.
Get your daughter a book that is hers alone to write her thoughts into. A computer online diary that no one can be a good idea. She writes in it everything that she wants to as if she is talking to a friend.
If you can look at your daughter all over and see if there is any unexplained scratches cuts marks anything that may look like she is self harming which is often the first step.
Watch her with what she eats as they usually go through a major eating cycles. One day they eat everything then don't eat again for ages but make it look like they are.
Tell your daughter how much you love her and cuddle her like a baby....first you usually get a lot of anger and eventually they start talking when they relise you are not going away and will love them no matter what. No matter how horrible or nasty they are.
A lot is self esteem how the others are treating her how shes getting on at school All these cause major trigger factors....

Email me anytime if you like and if your daughter wants she can talk on msn messenger with my daughter....once she realises shes not alone in her feelings it can often help
Luv Deb

Ps I think it does get better maybe even easier

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	December 2006 \| ethrin

Teenager Threatening Suicide

Thank you for that support . Today Crystal was to go to see Mental health for assessment but she became very agressive when I suggested we go . I cancelled the appointment and she is a lot calmer now . Thanks for your support.

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	January 2009 \| Oliveme

Re: Teenager Threatening Suicide

My 14 yr old son hates the idea of going to counseling and would refuse to go voluntarily also. He threatened suicide a couple of weeks ago (he's done this before but this was most recent) so I made an appointment unbeknownst to him, picked him up from school and drove him straight there. By the time we were inside and he realized what was going on the counselor had come out to the waiting room to get us. Thankfully, he didn't create a scene and followed the counselor; not without throwing me some vicious looks first. For the first 40 minutes of the appointment he refused to speak or even look up at the counselor. He sat on the couch with his head in his hands and ignored the questions. I pulled him close to me (he pulled away but i was persistant) and he layed his head in my lap and I rubbed his back. I wanted to show him that even though I was forcing him to do something I knew he didn't want to do; I love him. The counselor told him that if he didn't answer his questions about the suicide threat he would insist that I drive him straight to an inpatient psych facility for admission. He finally lifted his head and spoke; very little but enough that the counselor was able to assess that he wasn't immediate risk. I was asked to leave the room so that they could speak privately for abou 10 minutes. My point is that if you can GET her to the appointment; even if you have to be sneaky about it - once you're there the counselor can make his/her assessment of the seriousness of the situation. I just think that its extremely important that you get her to a professional; regardless of how she feels about this. She is not mature enough nor in the right frame of mind to make this decision for herself. I know this is a difficult time as i've had many a sleepless night myself but you must both get help. This won't go away on its own. I sincerely wish you the best of luck and wish you peace in this challenging time. Hugs!

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