It's never too late to change.

The surprise being that you might have to do the most changing. When I was a teacher we used to say, "If it's not working then don't do it!" Obviously you are finding that out now.

As a married parent and previouslyl single dad of 15 years I found parenting courses very helpful eg. Step Program or Parent Effectiveness Training. These usually cost little but do mean a level of commitment from you. I found it worth it.

From my teaching I was always surprised to learn that even the most abused and neglected children loved their parent/s. Know that even though your children are misbehaving and perhaps failing in your eyes, they love you. It may not be evdient in their behaviour but they do.

Don'g give up on them. Go the extra mile yourself and make some positive changes.

Have you tried asking him why he is behaving like this?Did you explain to him and his sister that this is a bad example for  their little sister?I know you are stretched to the limmit,but I feel there must be a reason for his agressive,bashing things behaviour.My sons used to do this as a reaction to frustration at my not listening to them.Once I taught myself to remain calm and ask questions and listen before going off the handle,things gradually got better.It takes time as this(bashing things)becomes a learned behavioural pattern/habit.Maybe you could try family board games as a way of pulling the kids closer(two older ones)you also get to watch how they react to one another from start to finish.And possibly find ways of diffusing the agro between them.Reward any positive behaviour immediately,children respond quicker to positive methods rather than negative ones.Try finding something your son is passionate about and perhaps every-one could become involved.Same for your daughter,May be there is something both of them could be responsible for together.Something that requires them to have to co-operate.This child growing is never easy let us know how you go regards Merle

I have a 12 year old girl who I have problems with. At this age, the hormones are changing as their bodies develop plus they get attitude from their friends. What I do with her, and my other kids, is take away what they love the most as punishment. For instance, my son and daughter both love Playstation - if they misbehave they cannot play it. My daughter refuses to get her room clean so she is not allowed on Playstation or the computer until she does. 

I also do time out by sitting them on a kitchen chair. They don't care if they get sent to their room as they just play in there so I start with 5 minutes on a chair, staring at a wall, doing nothing. If they argue, the time goes up a minute for each time they say something.

You're son's bashing things is his way of trying to get to you. Ignore it. Continue with the grounding and when he starts bashing things either let him know you don't care if he destroys his things or add to the length of the grounding. Maybe if he's bashing something of his you could take it away, telling him that if that's how he is going to treat his things then you will give it away.

Another thing that helped with my daughter to some extent - I told her I'd send her to a foster home. One night we had a big argument and I told her that was it, I'd had enough, and asked her to fetch me the phone book. She then started to say she was sorry and please don't send her away. I told her it was too late, that she had pushed me too far. I sent her to bed and the next morning I showed her I had the number to arrange foster care written down. She bawled and again apologised, begging not to be sent away. This may sound a little harsh, but I was at my wits end, and it did give her a wake up call. She and I still have our moments (esp when she has PMS) but she has improved.

A girl I know had problems with her parents, always arguing as she got up to a lot of mischief. She told me that what made her wake up to herself was her father packed her bags and took her to a Detention Centre, telling her he was having her put in there. He took her right into the centre! She got the fright of her life and was much better behaved after that!