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personality clash with my husband--what would you do?
okay, minti mavens--i need your wisdom!
several months ago i bought tickets for my husband and i to go to new york to hear a favorite band play this saturday. we were both looking forward to the outing, but as the date has been approaching, my husband decided he could not go. his reasoning was he had a major paper due for his graduate school, and it was too much stress to think about trying to finish the paper in time and he would rather i just made plans to go without him. i was understandably disappointed, but seeing as he has done this kind of thing before, i wasn't too surprised and started to look forward to going alone or maybe with a friend in new york.
early this week, i asked him if he was certain that he could not go because i needed to finalize babysitting arrangements if he thought he could make it (i set up some things tenatively but never confirmed). he said, no, go without me. i let my babysitters know, they started to make other plans and that's the end of that.
now tonight he finds out that he might be able to go after all (the paper isn't do for another week and he's 75% done), but he won't know quite yet and asks if i have babysitting arranged just in case. aaaarrrrgggghhh! i tell him i don't and he asks me to set something up just in case he can make it. at this point, i'd have to ask someone else entirely as everyone else has made plans.
i have to leave on saturday morning, am gone all day tomorrow doing kid stuff and am kind of annoyed to be left hanging. so far, i haven't made a big deal with him about it since this has been a bad dynamic with us in the past (canceling vacations last minute and that kind of thing) but i'm leary to call another babysitter that i might have to cancel if he decides (again) at the last minute that he can go. i know he is very stressed right now and am trying to be patient, but i would also love to know what the plan is--especially if it involves leaving my children (who are expecting to stay home with their father).
the whole thing feels so silly and petty, but it's driving me crazy. what would you do if you were me???
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personality clash with my husband--what would you do?
Ok my dear, since your husband has known for sometime that you have tickets and since he also knows that you want him to go with you, and since he still has time to do his paper, and since you have once again set up a babysitter, it is now time to DIRECTLY ask him are you going or not, yes or no I need to know NOW! Stop playing the cat and mouse game with him, either he is going or he isn't! If not take a freind and let him stay home with the kids, and go and enjoy yourself, you do not have to do everything together. And might I suggest the next time you want to go someplace, just let him know a day or so before that you will be going out and he will need to be home to watch the kids. If you go out on yur own without him a couple of times, I am sure you will find that he will be alot more interested in your activities and want to join you once again, espically if you have had a blast and you let him know how much fun it was. So HAVE FUN!!!!!!!!!
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personality clash with my husband--what would you do?
I read your post, but haven't read the other answers yet, so I hope I am not repeating what someone else said.
Seems to me you have two issues here:
1. What to do about this Saturday
2. What to do to avoid something like this doesn't happen again.
I'd vote for setting up a babysitter--and if you have to cancel on her (or him), offer to pay her a portion of what she (would have been paid.
Then, after this episode is over--long after, not a day or two after--sit down and talk this out. I find it helps to listen first and then express my concerns/frustrations, whatever. The bottom line is, you and your husband need to figure out how things like this will work so neither of you are frustrated or angry with each other.
Ah, the joy of marriage--learning to make it work!
I hope you enjoy your concert--and I hope your husband goes too!
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oh dear, sounds familiar!
My hubby and I have been in similar situations before.
I know that horrid to and fro feeling. I am trying to think clearly here so i can say something sensible.
First- would you prefer him to go with you?
Second- is he just trying to say and/or do what he thinks you would like (although it may actually be difficult or stressful for him)
Third how will you feel if he cancels at the very last minute.
Try and clarify how you truly feel and then tell him and make a definite plan one way or another.
I know that is almost impossible while he is keeping you hanging- but dont let him do that. Say I need an answer darling. 
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oh dear, sounds familiar!
thanks chrysalis! just writing the question i felt in one part guilty for complaining about such a great guy and one part relieved just to put my feelings out there.
first, i would love him to go, but i do need to know. i know i can have a very good time if i have to go by myself, so i really could go either way.
second, i think he really does want to go (i assumed your suspicions were correct, but upon double checking earlier in the week, i think he does want to go)
third, this is the hard one. i don't care really if he goes or not, but it does get me very mad for some reason if he makes last minute decisions.
but your advice is well-taken, if i am more decisive here about what i want, i think he'll respond much more definitively. good point!
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only kidding.I would either go by yourself regrettably or see if you can have some-one who could go on standby(some-one who doesn't have a life)joking
maybesome-one who owes you a big favour.You obviously know he doesn't need any grief about it.But since it has happened before he shouldn't get up in the air if he can't go.Hope you enjoy your concert
