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Teenage Emotions?
Help! I'm looking for advice on how to deal with teenage emotions.
My darling wonderful daughter has turned into a tween and suddenly the helpful sweet angel I used to know morphed into a snarling snapping set of claws...
There are days that we bump heads constantly and it's emotionally exhausting at times..
I'm looking for ideas or suggestions on how to diffuse the negative emotions and ideas on how to turn these moments into positive ones. Does anyone have any good advice, helpful words of wisdom or experiences with new "teens" that might shed some light on ways to deal with the emotional roller coaster?
Vikki
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Teenage Emotions?
First are what I think are important foundations.
1. Routine.
A reasonable routine of life’s daily essentials are important as being able to know where they are and what's expected of them makes them feel secure.
You know your self that when you are un sure about any situation you may feel anxious etc. Kids (what ever age), know one thing for sure and that is that they are NOT in total control of their own life. How ever knowing what is expected of them does a lot to alleviate their anxiety, especially when they are at the age when they are ready to contribute etc.
2. Knowing the boundaries.
You might think it's a given, that they should know how far you can be pushed by now. But she is at the age where she is going to constantly keep checking, to be sure you haven't moved the line. When you ask her to do something or tell her, explain why it has to be done and what will happen if it is not done properly or at all, right from the start.
eg. "Will you please clean your room, if you don't do it properly by the time dinners ready then you wont get any tv time tonight, it'll be dinner, home work and bed, off you go now."
All easily stated. If she begins to argue with you. Simply say
"You’re wasting your own time, I am not going to listen to her argument right now. If it's not done there won't be any TV and if you waste my time as well there won’t be any special activity on the weekend either, your choice."
If she makes the wrong choice, keep your cool, and do EXACTLY what you said. Follow through. I guarantee you, you will find she does what she's asked more often than she won't. She will also respect you. She will respect you because she knows where she stands with you, she knows you are a woman of your word and she can trust you and what you say. This is VERY important.
3. Learning Consequences.
Well it all goes back to sticking to your guns and making good on what you say, good or bad. If she does what she's supposed to do, then she gets good consequences, if not, bad.
4. Consistency.
Very important. More often than not you have to try and remain consistent in what your rules in your house are.
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Teenage Emotions?
Get a book
to write her grievances in before you will listen to her.
It is not for you to read, but for her to sit down and write what she feel's etc, effectively getting it out of her system somewhat, and organising her thoughts, before coming to you with them.
Give her a book, (a nice hard cover OR you get an exercise book and together cover it with paper or papier mache toilet paper which when dry gives an old leather effect that when painted a brown colour looks really good.)
You DON'T read it. When she's having one of her tantrums, YOU calmly say,
"Child's name" I'm not going to listen to you rave. Go and write everything down in your book and get back to me when you can speak to me calmly and make some sense. I will be happy to sit down with you and listen to you then".
She probably at first will continue to rant and rave. Ignore it, big time ignore. Walk away, close the door, go out side, Remain Calm, or at least appear to remain calm.
When you give her the book, explain what it's for. Tell her you know that when you get upset. You have a million and one thoughts racing through your brain at the same time and it can make things worse and frustrating, so if she writes them down first it will make all the difference and you will LISTEN to her.
Everyone can have one as well. Not a diary, only written in when necessary. It's a grievance book, or a thought straightener.
Okay.
You are a great Parent.
Having a plan of what to do with her and how you are going to react to difficult situations with her will help you too, a lot I think.
No one reacts at their best when they are stressed tired and or upset, KNOWING what to do will make a lot of difference
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Teenage Emotions?
My daughter is sixteen and my son is fourteen. You're right, they do morph into strangers overnight. One thing I'm consistent with though is the respect issue and how they speak to me. When they are rude I stare at them blankly, let the silence take its toll.....ask if anything bothering them, and would they like to try again? I get a lot of stomping, eye rolling, ect. but I don't ever want them to think its okay to disrespect me or talk to me like they would one of their friends. When they are in 'good moods' I joke with them, talk to them, share some of my past experiences both good and bad, and how I felt about my teen years and how they effected me. One common thread is that we all feel that sense of insecurity, no matter what generation you're from. Those things are a constant. On a whole though, the rules remain the same consistency, following through, and respect.
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Teenage Emotions?
Hi Vikki,
I am a mother of two teenage girls and a step mother of one. two of the girls have now reached 18....thank goodness......but one is sixteen. i watched as all three entered their first year of high school, the fantastic friendship i had with them died overnight and i was left bewildered and confused. the girls who were my best friends were now my greatest enermies. i was often left in tears. a few times i wondered if this was going to get physcial, but thank goodness it did not. i ended up writing my eldest girl a letter and poured out all i wanted to say and all she didnt have the time to listen to (this is a girl who spoke to me about everything before, conversing had never been a problem before) i told her about me at that age and the amount of times i have appologized to my mother since having my girls. it is fantastic how it comes back to bite us. LMAO. i never pressured her about reading the letter and was happy when she wrote back six months later. i found that she had read the letter often, but didnt know how to deal with it. through all the pain they put me through and the 16 year old still is (sometime the light is on at the end of the tunnel) i would try and do little things that showed i love them, but didnt push it in their face, example: a flower left on the bed, a chocolate, just silly little things that helped to re-enforce that i loved them. when they questions those gifts that cost me so little if anything, i just smiled and said because i love you, even if your attitude suxs, but you will out grow it and we will survive. sometimes the response was negative, on these occasions i would bite my tongue to the negative then thank them for stomping on my heart when all i wasnted was to make them smile. then i would usually cry to myself in the bedroom, but htis has now paid off more than i can say my horriable whatever i dont care teenager is 18 and my best friend, her and i now have the relationship i always wanted. it has been hard and painful but worth it. as for the step-daughter i just dream of that, but she lives with her mother. and the 16 year old, the light comes on more and more each day, all will be well ONE DAY. i hope for the sooner than the latter, but i leave her special things, send her corny text, and try to be a friend. not like a school friend, just an honest friend.
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