I also have a very angry 10 year old and many holes in walls because of his temper. I even had to remove his bedroom door because he had damaged it so badly. Being separated from his father this temper ebbs and flows depending on the amount of time spent with dad.

The biggest success I have had in controlling his anger this year has been giving him added responsibility. I have asked that he be responsible for walking his 7yr old brother too and from school ( not far down our street ), he has completed this task successfully for six months. In addition he is responsible for working off the cost of any repairs that need to be done from his actions. This one slowed the incidence of holes.

With resposibility comes trust. And in my case it was trust that he needed. Being the second eldest of four he didn't have any real responsibility before. Now the tamtrums are really just excess energy which my 12 yr old is dealing with also, so I encourage physical activity for them both. And that is fantastic.

Take him out in the yard and throw a ball or something when you feel this is coming on.

Hi there I am sure this is really hard for you. I agree with the answers you have at the moment definately a professional. A child psychologist they are fantastic.... I swear by them. I just want to say something I do not know if it is appropriate but my son also did this sort of thing when he started to have problems (nat saying you are having the same problems just the same sort of behaviour) and the psychologist told us the reason we see this sort of behaviour from him and the outside world not so much is because he trusts us. No matter what he does he knows we will love him. So just keep that in mind okay keep your chin up and have a merry christmas

cheers

Angie

ps. sorry for all the spelling errors

Thanx so much for all the addvise guys i like the sound of making him have a shower or bath and the music i'm going to try that for now as it is school holidays no school counceler and also was wondering what a a Keineisologist and a Bowen Therapist was as i have never hear of them befor

thanx again for every ones addvise will keep u posted

I know how you must feel.  Our Stepson 6 has gone through a few problems in the past few months and has a very high anger level.  But was misdirecting the anger at the wrong persons.  Hopefully now things are sorting out for him. 

Could anything in the past have set of this anger in your son.  Have a think back.  Try  and talk to him what he is worried about.  Tell him it is okay to be upset at some things.  Try and keep calm.

I also agree with the other ladies.  My 10 yr old also gets very angry and frustrated at times.  I worry about him too.  My son doesnt lash out physically though.  I think to a degree it is just his age and new hormones he is getting.  Testosterone is a very powerful drug, look at how many wars it has started!  I dont know what you do when your son starts hitting and kicking but when my son gets to agitated I either send him to his room to calm down, he is not allowed back out until the big scowl is off his face (gets sent straight back if the attitude is still there) or I make him have a shower.  I dont know what it is about the shower/bath but ever since he was a baby it has calmed his tantrums down.  When he comes out I calmly ask him specific questions about his day.  Eg did you have a bad day?  Did you have a fight with a friend? did you get into trouble at school etc...  I usually get grunts for answers but if something bad has happened it comes out eventually.   Then I ask him things like "do you think it's fair that you take your mood out on others that haven't caused your problem"  Or "how do you think Mummy feels when you are so mean to her"  Im not trying to emotionally black mail him but I have always taught my son to try to see from other peoples perspective.  He is pretty kind to others and I suppose thats why he gets so frustrated, he cant understand why others would deliberately try to hurt him when he would never do that to them. When he has finished venting he is usually in a better mood. 

I am sorry to hear about your problem.  I have read the other 2 replies you have received and I would like to advise something totally different.  I do believe in alternative therapy and I believe that a trip to a Bowen Therapist would help your son a great deal.  The other thing I would also try (finances permitting) is a Keineisologist.  I have had fantastic results from both these 2 professionals for not only my husband and son but for a lot of the foster children and friends.  I would also try playing a relaxation tape in his room when he goes to bed.  I would suggest - rainforest magic or a dolphin one - put it on repeat and let it play through maybe 2 or 3 times or until you yourself go to bed.  I wish you all the love and best wishes whichever you decide to do.

love and light your angelic friend june

This must be very upsetting for the whole family your son included.I agree with tadexpress this is as you know not typical behaviour.I would seek proffessional help.and in the mean time get some anger management help from school councillors or neighbour hood centre staff.I would not react to his anger with  anger as it will only compound the problem.You can only protect the youger ones as best you can until you find the required help.Keep us informed regards Merle

Yes you do have a real problem and you are right to be concerned. My advice would be to get him seen by a counsellor, it's not atypical behaviour. There will be one at his school, it may mean visit to the school psychologist but all avenues should be explored to see whats the source of his problem. Is he being bullied at school and bringing it home? Dont escalate the issue by arguing with him its a no won situation, when he's yelling stay calm and be firm state please speak to me politely, its takes a while but the message gets through. Remain optimistic and positive when he does the right thing, reinforce the behavious that you want not the ones you dont want.