I must say that l do agree with the others. My advice is  that you should contact your daughter and explain that you are upset and wish to sit down and talk to her about your feelings. It would help to meet on neutral territory for this - say meet somewhere for lunch, (DO NOT ARGUE though) if she starts yelling or whatever then calmly state that obviously now is not the right time to discuss this and you will try again when she is more receptive to hearing your thoughts and feelings, also calmly tell her if she doesnt calm down then you will leave and you can stand up and leave telling her that when she calms down  she could  contact you to make another date or you will try again some other time. Sort of throw the ball back into her court so they are HER choices and she cannot blame you. Point out to her that she is an adult now and therefore must support herself and be responsible for her own decisions in life. Tell her you would like to see her finish her course and why ...  as it would open the doors for her for many job aspects etc and that there is government assistance available to pay for this (HECS or HELP) that SHE could apply for then you would not have to pay for it. Tell her that you would prefer she stayed in Australia (and why) ... because you will miss her terribly, like you did when you first came to Australia and how heart-broken you were that SHE and her brother decided not to move here as previously planned.  Remind her to look back at what she had in New Caledonia  and compare it to her life and opportunities here. After you have finished, throw the ball into her court by stating ...  "but it's up to you about what you want to do with your life and where you want to live -you are an adult now and l cannot choose for you anymore. It's your choice."  Your daughter may not like her course and may be looking for an excuse to drop out so you could raise this point and suggest she study something else, she may  really just be using you paying as her way out. Comment on how if she doesn't like the way things are that she could change things (but be specific) like buy her own curtains for her room or she could save up and get her own apartment where she could have everything just as she wants it if she is not happy living in YOUR house. (You could joke that round the corner would be best though, as you would prefer that she be close by). Life is full of many decisions to make and every decision has a consequence; for whatever choices we make in life, we must accept the consequences that arise from that decision. I hope this helps you and that everything works for you both. And remember don't blame yourself, she is responsible for her own decisions.  Good luck

One thing you should remember and maybe put straight with your daughter is about the long separation. This really isn't your fault. This wasn't your choice. Your intentions were to move here and have your children move a few months later, it was there choice to come over. They sent you a letter saying they'd changed their minds, not you. You are taking something on board as your mistake, your fault and it isn't. It was a choice made by your children. Don't feel guilty for that. Your daughter is an adult now, if she doesn't like your choice of curtains, fine, she will have to go buy her own for the room. If she wants to rule the house, she needs one of her own to do it in, not yours. You have tried your best and have not done anything wrong, don't allow her to manipulate you into believing otherwise....Good Luck Matey!!

Hi there Okay I might be way out of line here or on the wrong wave length but I feel you are letting her do this to you due to the fact you feel some sort of guilt for something that happened and you have not written...... I have been there with my 16 year old and fell into a trap of i felt guilty so he got everything he wanted pysically and finacially this nearly killed me. You need to look back indentify what it is you feel guilty for and deal with it. My guilt was that I had kept him in a domestic violent relationship for so long and this caused him all sort of mental problems. Yes I did this yes it was wrong but at the time I did not realise this. I had to say to him I am sorry I did this but nothing I do or say is going to change what happened all I can do is support you now with what I know  and be there with and for you as much as you need me but I will not and can not handle the emotional blackmail you are using on me. (I was told by a cousellor to do this) This worked for me. She needs to be told how you feel and what you are wiling to do for her. Stand your ground with her and remember you are her mum not a pawn in a punishment game. And by the way hugs for support
cheers Angie

It is very hard to separate yourself from a needy child and unfortunately some know how to play the game very well. YOu have done well to have counselling and to have made your decisions, stick with them. You have done the best you can now it is her turn. If she choses not to return to study then accept her decision, dont try to persuade her because I suspect her plan is to have you ringing up after Christmas pleading with her to come back and finish, dont fall into the trap, dont even mention her coming back, wait and see what she says and then calmy state that you arent able to assist her, if she wants to return to study she can find her own means and that includes accomodation. At 26 she is quite capable of looking after herself, it is my hope that by that age so will my oldest and youngest 24 and 20 respectively the two in the middle are fine and very independant not sure what went wrong with the other two, we have just rescued my 24 yr old who was living flour and water for several weeks, it cost us $3000 to get him home we are hopeful he has learnt a valuable lesson...who knows.... you can only do so much though and we have told both that we arent able to help them much more than provide a place to live. 

I hope you do not give in to your daughters emotional blackmail as I had a son who was like this and i stood up to him told him to stand on his own feet and he now is very close to me and would do anything for me.