I agree with what many of the other's have said. Definitely keep a journal of everything she does and collect as much evidence as you can. If she leaves anymore pictures, don't move it until you have taken a picture of it yourself. Try to collect as much information as you can... even things his daughter says to you guys... and write down the times and dates for everything.

Get a recorder that will hook up to your phone so that you can record her phone calls... you may not be able to use it against her in court, but your lawyer will get a better idea of how to approach things. If she sends emails, make sure you print out a copy of each one she sends (directly from your mail client) and keep them filed.

Definitely suggest having her see a counsellor... it sounds like she needs it regardless for what her mother is putting her through. She is doing everything that I describe as "divorce abuse" in the book I have recently published. If you guys don't find a way to put an end to it, it could adversely affect that little girl for the rest of her life.

If his ex's behavior doesn't start improving I would really suggest you both try to get full custody. It will do that little girl no good at all to have to live like that. His ex may be reacting because of fears, but if she can't get a grip and get the help she needs, their daughter shouldn't have to suffer for it.

Hope this helps and good luck!

Stop thinking about the hell you are going through, and start thinking about that poor little girl! If even half of what you say is true, than why isn't her father suing for full custody of his daughter? This to me sounds like a form of child abuse, and if her being so jealous of you and her exhusband is affecting the way in which she is raising her daughter, than I believe that he should be very concerned with his childs welfare! My suggestion is to get to his lawyer as soon as possible to see what he can do in regards to getting custody of his child! Often I have read of cases similar to yours where the ex will use the child to their advantage, and in the process they often do alot of emotional damage to their children by berating the other parent, or the new stepparent! a child as young as this little girl should be very open to receiving and giving love to people that she knows! this women does not want her daughter to have any connection with the outside world I feel for the simple reason that as her daughter gets older, she will start to question things that she has been told. Please for the sake of this little girl, ask your soon to be husband to look into getting full custody of his daughter until his ex wife can get the  help she needs to deal with her her anger and resentment and not take it out on a child who only wants to love and please BOTH of her parents!

Sounds like child abuse to me. Maybe you should think about getting full custody. You should be keeping a diary with every event written in it. VERY IMPORTANT Check with her teachers, is her schoolwork suffering? To be put in and pulled out of so many classes, how can the child be expected to keep up with the rest of children her age.

In all of this your concern seems to be for this little girl so you obviously care about her so here is my advice. When your husband goes to the court concilliation meeting tell him he should ask for his daughter to see a counsellor above all else. The ex is emotionally abusing this child and emotional abuse is still abuse. I really thing that a court appointed counsellor will not only get help for the child but it may mean that until the ex wakes up to herself and stops treating her child this way that you and your husband could get custody which in my opinion is what really needs to happen until the ex can get help herself.

Things like this are so hard to deal with but my first thought is always for the child and I believe that is what got me everything I wanted in my court case because my ex only thought of himself.

 

Dear Belle,

How are you. I do hope you will not be offended by my questions as I need to know certain things before I can advice you. Why did your finance and his ex break up?  Are you the reason for their breakup? Before you came into the picture did your finance have problems with his ex in relation to their daughter visiting him and staying over? Do please get in touch.

hi belle, what a hard time your having . this definately has to stop. the most important thing is that you and your partner never fight about this or discuss these problem near the children.  the most annoying thing you can do is keep being extremely nice, even to the point of over doing it when you talk about his EW near the kids as this will get back to her and majorly pee her off. nothing is more annoying than someone you hate being nice to you all the time.

It also seems that the lawyers will set some things straight for you too, but it is also a huge case of her being scared that you will be a better wife and mother than she was , and that she will lose her daughters love to you,(her daughter may have even accidentally referred to you in conversation as mum). As her daughter is getting on so well with your son and you are in a stable relationship  your family has become a threat to her. I have no doubt that she still loves your fiance and is finding it difficult to move on. that is not your problem though so you need to keep grinning and bearing it.

if you have put all the orders etc you legally can to keep her from doing these things then eventually she will find another lover and start to move on.

if you and your man can keep a united front then you will win. she is probably hoping to stress you into a break up, I think it is time you stood aside and let your man fight his own battles too, its not fair that you are feeling the brunt of this.

It will take time and you may have to put up with more but if you remember that you are the winner in this then it will effect you less as time moves on.

she will only be doing herself harm if she keeps it up as the courts will see that you are always friendlly and kind to her and her daughter. As for her doing everything for her daughter i feel it may be her fear of her growing up and not needing her anymore so she will try to keep her like a baby for as long  as she can, She may be overcompensating for her own lack of confidence by overdoing it with her.

the important thing is to be loving and kind to this child when she is over and she willalways remember that no matter what her mum tried to do to you ,you were always polite and loving to her.

That is the most significant outcome of all. i wish you all the luck in the world and im sorry if i rambled but just keep a loving hand on your familky and let her anger destroys hers .

OMGosh.

This is such a terrible thing.  I feel for that little girl. 

Is there anyway that you can record video footage of when she comes to visit your home to show her behaviour and emotions and footage of when she comes around.  I don't know the laws where you are from, but you need to show that this child is being
"poisened".  You can use this when there are questions or concerns about your parenting skills and what you have to deal with.  A nannycam is not just for the nanny.  I went through this when my two children were about the same age.  I finally got fed up and was talking to my brother about "the asshole" and my daughter heard me.  Don't do that.  My daughter was so pissed off at me ... in her mind i confirmed what their father was saying about me.  She started packing up her clothes to move out.  I had to sit her down and talk to her about why I was not with her father and that this would be something that she would understand when she was old enough.  I asked her to just enjoy the time with her father and the time with me.  She decided that she can do that and she did.

Then I sat them down and talked to them and we reached a decision to have joint custody.  The kids were happier about this agreement.  When they were old enough the decided to stay with me full time and visit their dad when they felt like it. 

Now my daughter is 17 and my son is 14.  I was not getting child support for over 7 years and i am fighting for it now.  Sheesh, things are getting ugly, but they are old enought to deal with it better and understand exactly why I left their father.

I know that this is not enough to solve the problems that you are having but .... it goes to show that will be a long battle and you just have to arm yourself with "evidence" and please be loving towards that poor child.  (I believe you are)  She will have to learn to be strong and will eventually see through the manipulation that her mother is doing.  Have her involved in outdoor activities and lots of fun things.  She will look forward to coming over and spending time with her second family.  Have lots of happy videos about her and her laughter and smiles.  It is good to have the proof of her being happy when she is visiting.  I trust that this will be a valuable tool when having to deal with any false claims and accusations that the ew is trying to do.

Good luck.