I think this discussion is great... It is how a discussion should be... We all express our ideas and opinions... then we take in what each other has to say and re-evaluate our opinions... And the more we talk the closer we get to discovering a real solution for this girl... good on you everyone for being so mature about a topic such as porn... this is one of the reasons i love minti so much...

I still think there is nothing wrong with a bit of porn... but I have acknowledged this is about trust and self esteam... And this couple needs counseling

Sorry all you femmes - I disagree with most of you.

PORN IS MAN TORN.

 I know because I suffered from this addiction too, having working as a photographer in a Federal Dept involved in the early 70's when porn was banned in OZ. I was only in my early 20's when introduced to porn through photographing contraband confiscated for viewing if needed in court. The effect that porn had on my life and mind at that time and in the future was disastrous.

The whole thing about Porn is it degrades women. It's about lust and not love. It's about satisfying me above you. It is a selfish degrading act on women and it's power to destroy relationships and maybe even end in violent abuse cannot be underestimated.

If you partner is delving into porn I would be worried ladies. All the reasons/ excuses you hear for them doing it are just that, excuses, and cannot justify a wrong action. Marriage is meant to be monogomous. Marriage vows hold onto this principle quite clearly.

My first marriage was affected greatly and even eneded due to my delving into porn before and during marriage. The act of making love became the act of having sex. There is a difference between the two. The latter relies on self-gratification and the former on selfless gratification where pleasing the other partner through loving and kind actions is paramount.

Porn encourages the participants to perform for the other rather than conform to the other.

No matter what you believe it is certain that with porn, whether light core or hard core, you parnter is fantasizing about someone other than you. That is adultery if you're married and cannot be healthy for a lasting, respectful and trusting relationship. I find it hard to comrehend that anyone can condone their partner fantasizing about another and expect their marriage/ relationship to endure.

Unfortunately porn addiction is like any other addiction - the user just wants more and is never satisfied. Often, and sadly, soft porn leads to harder porn and harder porn to violent porn. A point in case: There was a mass serial killer in US called Ted Bundy who had violently killed, raped and cut up at least 22 women. He was a well respected member of his community, a lawyer, attended church where he was an elder, had a loving wife [ignorant to his porn background] and chidlren.  Bundy was a man leading two lives. In one he was the well respected man about town and in the other was a hard and violent porn addict, often living out his fantasizes with prostitutes. But as mentioned before enough is never enough in porn and he had to turn from watching violent skin flicks to actually doing them 20 times  or more on young innnocent women. Ted Bundy was a monster created by porn.

On his last tapped conversation before his death, on death row, Bundy was adamant that porn had created the monster he had become. He was brought up in a well balanced and loving household but at an early age was exposed to soft porn through magazines that a neighbour frequently left in bins outside his home. Of course he kept his magazines secret from his family and as he grew into his teens developed an appetite for harder porn. His flest could not be satisfied and he looked at many ways he could do this. He frequented brothels and got into all kinds of sordid behavious with the prostitutes. And so it lead to death of the women, end of his marriage/ family and himself.

Bundy was allowed to conduct a survey of prisoners in death row who had perpetuated violent crimes against women. He discovered that in almost 100% of cases the men involved had been at some stage and mostly still involved with porn up until their capture. Bundy was adamant that porn should be banned from our society as  he believes it degrades women and leads to violent sexual behaviour.

Ladies, if  your partner is involved in porn, he needs help. It is not the end of your relationship but it should not be tolerated by you. However, it is an addiction and is not easily given up by the one dependant on it. Therefore professional help is imperative for the frequent user. 

I myself have been fighting the urge to return to porn for years  and years . After it devastated my first marriage i have made it my goal to not return to it. However the WWW is deadly for this as it is so easily to stumble into by accident. Try putting the word 'pussy' cat into google and see what comes up. Think about this as your kids might put in the same word quite innocently too. The effects of porn on young minds cannot be underestimated. Please consider net nanny's if your kids have access to the WWW because they'll eventually stumble into a porn site in their surfing. Let's just hope that it doesn't create a Ted Bundy.

My recommendation is put the word 'anti-porn' into google and read the wonderful sites around the world to fight porn.