Hi
The fact your mum yelled and swore at you shows that you made the right decision
She should have asked you if you minded looking after the kids say one day a week to start with and see how you go
Does the 14 year old have any problems...would your brother be a hassle for you
Would he do as he is told or cause you more grief.
As for the 5 and 7 year old they need more supervision than you can safely give them with a new baby. 
Your mother is being very unreasonable.
Daycare and family mums have rules and limits for this reason...so that one person is not overwhelmed by the amount of kids. 
If this situation was reversed ask her how she would feel...could she look after all the kids safely.....
The answer regardless is NO
My friend has 7 kids and some days she has trouble keeping a eye on the younger ones......i have 3 and cannot devote the time needed to them somedays
Ask her how are you supposed to cope in a emergency
Don't put your own children as risk from her selfishnes....she would not forgive you if something happened and one fo the kids were harmed....
Stand your ground and wait for her to cool down and then try to discuss it with her calmly....
If she persists in yelling and abusing you then she is not even a fir grandmother for your children
Good luck
Be strong and stick to your guns
Luv Deb

I think it would be great if the world was full of happy families ,but hey lrts face it , sometimes you unintentionally have to hurt someones fellings by being honest and admitting that you dont or can't for whatever reason do something that the other person wants you to  do.as there are alot of there are lots of things to be condidered eg.how is it going to effect your everyday life by taking on babysitting especially when you don't want to do it in the first place , will it affect your stress levels and if the answer is yes then that can effect your ability to cope with your own family in which should come first, and that would create a domino affect in other areas .so sometimes you have to be strong and stick to your guns and decide what is the best decision for you and that is not being selfish it is not only for you  you have to look at the big picture when making a decision as such. your mum may of been there for you but taking on such a responsible role of minding other people's children is a mighty big task and ask .I personally wouldn't like someone minding my children that did'nt want to do it. and anyway it is your choice and your mum's resonsibilty to mind her own children and if she chooses to fall out with you over not abliging her so be it ,remember it was her choise to isolate you .so be strong this.

Did you get her pregnant with her younger children????  That was very clever of you, I think you should donate your body to science right away.           How can she say that HER children were your responsibility?  YOUR children are YOUR responsibility if you care for anyone elses physically or emotionally that is a bonus apon humanity.

Your Mum is obviously under too much stress & pressure for her own good & she is turning to you to alleviate some of it & when that didn't work as she wanted she is blaming you for a situation she has created for herself no matter how neccessary she believes it to be or how unintentional it was in the making.

The help you need to give your Mum (if you want to) is to talk to her and tell her straight out that you can see that things are a bit much for her, that it is unfair of her to dump hER responsibilities onto you but you are willing to sit down with her and try and work out  way that might make life a little easier for her.

That might be finding out about some kind of financial assistance if thats why she has to go to work, finding a proffessional & regular child care facility or child carer to help her out, maybe if she changed jobs & created her own little business she could work hours that meant child care would not be an issue.  She could clean houses, or do family day care in her own home herself, if she's crafty or artistic she could sell things at markets and online, she could dress up and learn how to do face painting and rent herself out for kids parties on weekends for $100.00 an hour (trust me thats cheaper than my friend who's a fairy and does a 45 min. magic show, provides fairy party bags & face paints gets).  If you really put your mind to it you can find an un tapped or manopolised market and grab a bit of it.  She needs to change her mind set.  Point out what her priorities appear to be and then what they should be (but tactfully).  It appears that work is her top priority and her kids (you included) come beneath that & that is not right.  Yes it's important to have money a roof over your head and food on the table, but if you really want a full life, you need to find the ballance and her scales are severley tipped in the wrong direction.

If you feel comfortable with this, tell her maybe for a couple of hours one day a week you could help out, but 4 kids and one of them being 6 months old, that is a lot. I don't think a lot of people would be up for it. You did the right thing, sometimes being honest pisses people off, but you have to stand your ground. Good luck!

Hi honey,

Firstly i think you are being a FANTASTIC mum. By saying no to your mother (which must have been hard) you are saying that you know what your limitations are. That's what makes a GREAT parent. A great parent knows what they can handle and what they can't. WELL DONE.

Secondly I think you mum is being very unfair. As a mother she should realise that you have your own family and therefore your own responsibilites. Your mother should respect your decisions and accept them.

Give your mother time to calm down and then try talking to her again. If she still carries on my advice would be to ignore it. At the end of the day her children (your siblings) are YOUR MOTHER's responsabilty. There are many parents out there who use day careers or day care facilities.

Take care honey and know that you are a great mum!

Cheers Kellz

thats an awful lot of presure and responsibility placed on you did you just let her know that you just cant look after them the way that they should be looked after ? im sure the 14 year old can look after himself  unless hes a crazy teen ,, wait till she cools down and have a chat ,, is this the first time shes asked you ?? and why now ? did her sitter fall through? where do they usually go when shes working ? are they good kids? mabe an older one u could look after that didnt take much work and might be of a good help to you ?/ i dont know ,, its awuful though

omg thats awuful ,,,, poor you ,, how old are her kids?????            what da ,,,,,,,

She just trying made you guitly about the whole thing . you have your own kids now and they come frist .Let her chew over it for a couple of days  and she talk to you again  exspecaily if she no one to take care of her kids .

So don't get upset   enjoy your family

You are not being a bad daughter.  You are being a good mother and being thoughtful and sensible about what you know you can cope with.  Your mother obviously has major issues or she wouldn't be so blatantly trying to manipulate you.

I understand that this really hurts, and its hard to stand your ground in a small town where people talk, but you are not in the wrong here.  She needs to take responsibility for her own life as you have for yours. 

*hugs*

Talk about role reversal.  Isn't your mother the one that should be offering to help you out with your children given that you are the new mother?  Your mother needs to take responsibility for her own life I'm afraid.  If she's working then she will be able to afford some form of child care I daresay.  Don't allow yourself to feel guilty.  Look after your own family first.  It sounds a little bit like you've had to be the parent to your mother a bit in the past.  Now that you're a mother yourself, this is the time to stop. 

STAND your ground she is trying to bully you into doing what she wants in short she is throwing a tantrum and holding her breath.I would let it cool down a tad then try and perhaps work on a compromise or a reconciliation or both.It may be tough but she needs to be considerate of your needs as well as her own.good luck and my thoughts are with you hugs Merle