thank you all for your input it has really helped, i am not going to make any hasty decisions yet just ride it out and see how it goes for a while ..

Thank you all once again..

          Skylee

 

Hi my answers are very different to those here.. I guess that is why i did walk for my own sake and sanity and for the kids but only u cna decide on what is right.

#1: when i was sick he ignored it and i had to keep doing everyday chores

#2:When i was down he jsut ignored it or told me how he was feeling instead

#3: He would normally not want to anything but play the playstaion. I love doing things as a famliy on these days but after arguing and tryin to get him moving it jsut got to the stage ya give up.

#4: When he got home from work around 6pm all he would want to do is sit and watch the tv and play the playstation. I would try and make time for us to spend quality time but he was never interested

#5:He would ignore most of what i say or grunt back at me . Or pretend he was listening but when u ask what u said he wouldnt know.

#6: He would be totally oblivious to the fact i would be on the verge of loosing it... for three weeks b4 i walked i was like this but not once did he notice

#7: he would never go play in the yard or anything with them one day the neighbour (adult) was playing cricket with the kids but he was playing the playstation after this the kids asked y he hated them so much cos he never did anything with them.

As i said my answers were very different to those here already... I have never regretted my disision and the kids seem happier now. but as i said only u can decide what is best for u n yr kids

I was in a bad relationship so my answers aren't very encouraging so I apologise in advance.
1) Be sympathetic for a day then say I had passed it on to him and he had it worse
2) Told me to pull myself together I was upsetting the kids
3) He would generally tell us he was going on volunteer ambulance duty and give me money to take boys somewhere
4) Would work away all week then choose to do volunteer duty at weekends bu then call me hundreds of times on the phone to see what I was doing
5) sometimes but usually cross if I had an opposing opinion to his, didn't like me doing anything he was not involved in
6) Been there, he made it 100 times worse by playing mind games and making me believe I was having a breakdown or looking for sympathy from others
7) No the children were always with me, it was my duty to keep them out of his way, would do some nice things with them but that would usually be taking them to see an event he was covering volunteer duty on. Rarely did anything with the youngest he was "hard work!" (not my  opinion) But now since the separation trying to get Father of the Year award.

I'm really sorry this is so negative

hi there, i'm 25 yrs old and married with 1 child for 3 yrs. My hubby and i get along most of the time. but there are times when i wish my choice of man was different.

when i'm sick, he usually massages me, and helps out a little or mostly only on request,

when i'm down, he just leaves me to be down until i snap out of it. he doesnt really make any effort to understand why i'm down, and doesnt do much to pick me up. that s ok sometimes. other times i wish he'd try ,

on special occations, he'd only do something on request,

we spend all our time together, almost every minute of the day, sometimes i let leave him alone to watch movies so that i too have my time alone,

not always interested in what i say, or he will listen, but not always have a reaction, and sometimes even start talking about the next subject. that aggrivates me so i just stop the conversation all together. he does have input into our talks when i need it. when things are well with us, we have conversations for hours,

the only way he would know if i'm really breaking down, is if i cry. when i do he usually hugs me and tells me he loves me and a few other encouraging words. he usually reminds me that i must be patient and that the Almighty is testing me.

he does join in with the baby's activities. also, once again, i sometimes have to ask him to help out

Even though my hubby is not always perfect, i respect him and cherish him, because he doesnt abuse me , he is never rude to me, he respects my family and he's a loving dad,

Hope my answers have helped you out in your decision making. Try not to be too petty or too selfish, but know for sure, what makes you happy and what it is exactly that you need from your partner. Remember that if you dont communicate your needs, he will never really know, and like some men, he wont try to understand them.

I wish you all the best.

B

Hmm i really think all men are the same in one way or another, but i am going to say something. alot of people may think what i say is crap, and others may not, but i say what i feel!
I think problems in relationships come from so many doubts because of previous letdowns in relationships.
I think if we focus more on the positive then it will attract more positive things! Don't focus on the negative as it will only give you negative things!
You need to think about what you appreciate about your partner, and when a problem occurs, find a positive in it and learn from it, don't focus on the negative!
Men see life as meaning to be simple- emotion free! Some men have no emotion- other men have too much!
Australia day isn't really something that i see worth celebrating- sure i love my country- i sang at the paralympic games in sydney in the yr 2000 in a huge choir, i just don't see some public holidays worth celebrating!
Everyone needs space! If he's a hard worker he may just want to veg on his own for a little while each day....give him a chance to relax!
Alot of men don't have much interest in anything unless its sex! Some men will listen to there girl approx 75% of the time, then the other 25% they will just pretend!
Some men will join in, others prefer to just watch! Not all men like being active!
But skylee, please don't search for the bad, as it will only bring more bad things into the relationship! Please try focusing on the good things and what you appreciate about him, and things will soon turn around for you!

I've only been going out with my man for a little over a year.  We've had our ups and downs and there are somethings we're working on improving.  I think the main thing that keeps me going even when I'm not sure is that, no matter what, he's always willing to work on improving the relationship.  Even if its slow going (ie. not done yesterday.  LOL!) there's always improvement.  Plus he really gets me going... (know what I mean, hee hee...).  Anyway, enough of the introduction, these are my answers to your questions.:

#1  When you are sick, he: feels sorry for me.  Usually encourages me to try and relax and get to bed (cause that's usually what's wrong).  Sometimes gives me a shoulder rub. 

#2  when you are down he: tells me I'm beautiful and intelligent and sexy etc.  Tells me he loves me.  Listens to whatever it is that's bothering me and sympathises.

#3 On special occasions Like australia day, boxing day and any other event like that where there are celebrations going on he / you all: Depends on the event.  If it's my birthday or our anniversary, he goes to a lot of effort, then acts like it's nothing and didn't mean much (crazy idiot!).  If it's just something like Australia Day, then if he's not working (which he usually does on public holidays) he'll come with me to do what I'm doing.  But that's not set in stone.  It really depends on the situation.

#4 he spends how much time with you on average: We usually hang out on average 3 to 4 times a week and he'll sleep over 1 or 2 nights each week.  Remember, though, that we're still dating not living together.  Often hanging out means watching the TV together and making comments on what we're watching, not necessarily going out and doing stuff.

#5 is he generally interested in what you say / do: Mainly.  I think he's probably more interested than I give him credit for sometimes.  But sometimes he just is distracted by his own stuff or cause he's tired.  Or puts down my ideas without thinking about what I'm sharing with him.  This is one of the things we're working on!  And I must admit that since we talked about it, it's definitely improving. 

#6 if you where really starting to break down or getting depressed he would:  get really quiet.  He hates it when I cry - usually cause it makes him cry too (and he hates that!).  But he'd usually give me a hug and listen to me and tell me I'm beautiful (see #2 above).

#7 does he join in with the childrens activites, wheather he likes doing it or not: No - another thing we're working on. He'll be around them and respond to them if they talk to him, but he's not yet all that comfortable with them.  They don't seem to care and include him regardless and crawl all over him and tell him to do this and that in their games.  He does that without complaining and I was impressed at the thoughtfulness and effort he went to for Christmas and their birthday presents this year.  But its certainly not natural for him.

I hope things work out for you.  If I could offer one piece of advice: work out exactly what's bothering you and - before you give up completely - talk to him about everything, even if you think it would hurt him.  If he loves you and wants to make it work he'll listen and make an effort.  It may be that there are things you both need to do.  If, on the other hand, he dismisses your genuine concerns for your relationship, then you deserve better.  You deserve a guy you recognises your worth and treats you like you are truly valued by him.

Good luck! 

When I am sick I have to tell him what to do/or that I can't do something/need rest before he helps.

I don't really get down (funny since depression runs in my family) I don't let things get on top of me. If I can't change it then ther is no point worrying about it. If something is getting to me I vent/ring someone for a chat or another vent.

On special occasions like that I get to have sleep in if I beg for weeks before hand- the trade off is he gets to do something in the arvo usually fishing. My boys aren't old enough yet to enjoy the celebrations on those days so when they are I will trade him going fishing for half a day of family time.

#4 do you mean one on one time or family time. we get time together probably an hour a night 5 times a week (when he;s not working away)- this works for us, sometimes we crave spending time together other times I try everyhting to encourage him to visit friends. Our familky works best when he works away.

He listens to what I say- knows where my passions lay, encourages me to do what I want as long as it doesn't interfere with the family. He laughs when I get on my sopabox but I know he has listened to every word because I've busted him passing the words to others.

If I was really to lose the plot he would help me or get help for me- I think he would be very concerned since I don't let things get to me like that and I've never been depressed so yeah I think he'd be more worried then anything. He'd probably find someone to take the kids off my hands for a little while.

He'd probably love to do more of the kids activities but the physical things they want him to do he can't so he reads to them and will do bath time if I need him to.

I think you need to take your relationship based on what you want and what makes you happy. Just becasue one situation works for one family does not mean that it works for you( I like when my partner works away because I have my own routine and I appreciate him when he comes home). I don't mind if he was to go fishing everynight as long as I got something in return(even if it was just fresh fuish for dinner). we also have some same and some different interests so its no always necessary for us to be together to relax.  Last year I knew that I required some time to myself and since my partner can't look after both kids for more then a couple of hours I put my youngest in daycare one day a week. Now I get Fridays off to do what I want. I've learnt that most men can't be expected to know what you want some take hints others require a sledghammer. If you really are having problems see a cousnellor and if hes one of those men that won't go to one you can always go by yourself.

Hope this helps

When I am sick, my husband asks "What can I do?"  If he is working he says call me if you need anything. And once has come home from work because I was unable to look after Francis.

When I am upset he asks me what is wrong. And even if I don't know the reason he will try to make me smile.  He will ask what it is he can do for me. And if I ask to just let me sit and cry a little he will.. He does not like it when I cry but if that is what I ask he will....

On special occasions depending on what it is if it is family we are always together, if either one of our friends has made plans and we want to go off with our friends he or I are always invited and we chose weather or not we want to go.. (If you know what I mean there.) Basically we make the plans and if I want to do something and he does not well he will not stop me from going. And I won't make him come.. Unless it is family.... :)

I can't really say how much time on average we spend together but I'd assume it is a lot because we are home most of the time.. Although it would depend on how much time I spend in the basement on the computer..

I'd say he is interested in what I say 80% of the time.. The rest of the time he is great at pretending...

And if I really start getting depressed he really tries hard to figure out what my problem is.. For example....  I had been here in Canada for two years, and I started crying every day and did not have a reason why...  He could not work it out so called his step mum to take me out to dinner..  They figure out I was home sick so sent me to Australia for a month and what do you know they were right.. Ever since that first holiday to Australia I have never been as bad as it was back then...

Yes he joins in the kids activities even if he does not want to.. Some times you just have too..

I don't know if that helps but I know that no matter what I ask my hubby will do his best to see that I get what I need... I am not a greedy person but he does look after me very well and I love him for that... And of course many other things.. :)

#1  When you are sick, he: well, if he's home and not working, he might tuck me into bed and handle the kids (thankfully they are old enough now that they all take care of me - not that I get sick all that often, I'm too busy to be sick).

#2  when you are down he: mostly gives me a hug and tells me he loves me, but sometimes he compares how I feel to how he feels (almost like it's a competition and that he suffers more?!).

#3 On special occasions Like australia day, boxing day and any other event like that where there are celebrations going on he / you all: go out together or have a family vote to decide what we feel like doing.

#4 he spends how much time with you on average: We try and go for a walk/jog each weeknight because it's the only time we get to talk besides weekends... probably an hour all up.

#5 is he generally interested in what you say / do: yes, mostly... and I, him.

#6 if you where really starting to break down or getting depressed he would: bend over backwards to help me and we talk. Alot.

#7 does he join in with the childrens activites, wheather he likes doing it or not: most of the time :)

But there are other things which bug the sh*t out of me which aren't listed here... such as his complete inability to do any kind of housework whatsoever and how he compares how hard he works and how far he travels to what I do like it's a competition.

But that's just the way it is.

He is lovely in many other ways so it's always good with the bad - and you have to weigh it up.

If you are seriously thinking about ending your relationship, consider counselling first. There is a book called "Too Good To Leave, Too Bad To Stay" to help you decide... I found it helpful many years ago.

Good luck.

its not my personal relationship but my best buddys she has been in a relationship for 10 years with 2 children and her other half is very wierd i think they have only been back together for about 1 year after a split for 2 months but when she is sick he just lets her do what she usuly does (the mothers duty's) when she is down he tells her to smile and walks away on a special oc he has only just spent aussie day with her but befor that he was out with the boys drinkin and workin on cars and he spends about 3 night a week at home but he is always asleep on the couch they have not had sex since they have been back together he has only been to 2 of her boys footy matches since i hope this helps i personly tell her to find happiness somewhere else cause her man is not worth spiting on for support he is just another child 

When I am sick my husband offers to take time off work to stay and help me. He will do everything except change a stinky nappy as it makes him vomit (poor thing)

When I am down he makes me smile no matter how down I am feeling. When Two of my closest friends died he was there for me very step of the way. telling me it was ok to cry.

We don't do special occasions but that is a mutual thing

We don't get to spend lots of time together but that's not through choice

He listens to all my opinions as I do his and he will give me his opinion truthfully.

He would make me see my consellor if I was at all depressed.

He loves taking the kids places and doing things with them when he has the time.

I hope this helps

 Lexi xxx

Okay, I have been married for 10 yrs this year but altogether its been 12 . . .  so here are some of my answers  . Hope they help.

When i am sick - my hubby tucks me into bed with a hot cuppa tells me he loves me and keeps coming to make sure i'm okay. BUT her also tells me that him and the kids DONT want my germs so stay away from them all . . . 

When i am down - my hubby walks up to me and smiles, wraps his arms around me and says "I love you" . .   and holds tight for a while.

Special events - my hubby makes specail with his own little jokes and specail littles extra's . . like on birthdays he insists the birthday persons gets to choose the meal and on Australia day he cracks aussie jokes (our eyes all roll) and he makes us all laugh

Time on average - Everynight we spend at least 1-2 cuddled up on the couch and always in bed.

Generally interested - Hubby always stops and listens when i am talking to him about something as i do the same for him.

Really getting depressed - this has happened as i had Post natal depression after my last two kids . . Hubby was the 1st to notice the change and got to to a Dr quick and gave me all the support he could.

Joining in - hubby is the 1st to join in with the kids and games etc. Our kids ages range from 9 months -15yrs and hubby can can with them all and laugh and have fun and it isn't an effort.

PLEASE before you walk really think hard if its what you want or if there's something you can both do. Maybe a trip down memory lane and some time out together is what you need . . . Maybe you have both lost you way but that doesn't mean it should be over it just means you need to find a way to reconnect a way to open the communication lines again . . . . .

Goodluck . . Kellz

Thanks for that... gee did you use esp and steal my answers??? yes would love to join your group thanks for the invite...

Skylee

Before Answering I would like to say,all relationships lose their shine at times.The trick is to put back the zig before it zags off completely. 1.usually commiserates but thats it 2. says to not dwell on it and then gets impatient 3.stay at home and generally do nothing........sigh 4.a lot of time 5. sometimes 6.get upset tell me to get help and wring his hands in frustration(i do have bipolar though) 7.Yes he is a great Dad generally. I think in my situation we are very stressed at the moment so are not at our most attentive.Some Men just do not hold a lot of what we need as important.They don't get it.........for those Lucky women that have loving attentive appreciative husbands CHERISH them. I continually review my own relationship as well,I cannot make an objective decision in our case until some of our circumstances change.If you need more support I can invite you to my private group unhappy chappies.Good luck  hugs Merle