Hi all. Just wanted to let everyone here on minti especially advice givers on this situation that i am currently getting organised to go to S.A to see the birth opf my 1st grandchild. My daughter was admitted for pre-eclampsia yesterday and to daty i found out that she is getting the gel on tomorrow night and will be induced on monday morning. I would like to thank everyone for their great advice. Th other thing that turned out well is the fact that my mother is unwell(not good) so will not be there for the birth of the baby......This my friends is a godsend as i will not have to be put into a situation where i am stressed at a time i do not need to be. I need to be strong for my daughter and her fiancee as he is worried too. I feel he will be a biyt happy that my mum will not be there as well since she gives him a hard time too. I will advise minti of the outcome and place pics as soon as i am able.. I will be up there for a week. this means a week away from my other 9 children.. I think they will deal with it lol lol. I will miss them heaps that is the only thing about being so far away from them.. hugs to all be back soon

WELL GUESS WHAT I AM GOING TO SEE THGE BIRTH OF MY FIRST GRANDCHILD. MY DAUGHTER WAS ADMITTED TO HOSPITAL TODAY FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SO WILL BE IN HOSPITAL UNTIL SHE  HAS THE BABY I GUESS. i AM AT THE MOMENT WAITING TO FIND OUT WHAT THE HOSPITAL SAYS AND WHAT THEY ARE GOING TO DO RE INDUCE OR C-SECTION HER IF BLOOD PRESSURE DOESN'T COME DOWN... SOOOOO EVERYONE WILL BE HAPPY TO KNOW THAT THEY HAVE HELPED IN MY DECISION AND INFLUENCED ME BY ADVICE LEFT REGARDING THE QUESTION AT HAND SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO?? tTHANK YOU TO EVERYONE FOR THEIR GREAT ADVICE AND GOODLUCK MESSAGES KINDEST REGARDS TO YOU ALL AND THANK YOU I WILL POST PICS AS SOON AS BABY IS BORN AND I GET HOME TO MY COMPUTER REGARDS AND THANKS AGAIN MICHELLE

you should definitely be there for your daughter. if she has asked you to be there, it means she values you and genuinely wants you to be there. perhaps if you are still uncertain, ask her again whether she wants you there at the actual birth, or just after it. most hospitals only allow a partner and one other person at the birthing so make sure she knows what the hospitals policy is too. you could always arrange to stay at your daughters place if you want to make yourself useful. just somebody washing the dishes, preparing meals, doing the laundry etc, takes a huge load off a new mother.

i appreciate that you think your own mother is trying to take over, but since she probably has no young children anymore, it is quite understandable that she's excited and wants to feel needed too.

as for "there's nothing left to buy for your grandchild", believe me when i say there's plenty you can buy. perhaps just a soft toy to begin with and later on just let your daughter know that if she needs or wants anything, that you'll be there for her. even a promise to her that for christmas she can tell you what she really wants you to buy her new baby would be better. also since you have 10 children, your daughter probably thinks that grandma is easier to have a good chat to than trying to catch you when you're not run off your feet. just be glad that your daughter can talk to someone about it.

i am a young mother too, and preferred to not have anyone other than my boyfriend at the birthing. it all comes down to the fact that your daughter would not have asked if she didn't want you there.

Hello Michelle,

l think you should be there for the birth of your first grandchild.......plus you daughter will love you being there as well for support. Dont be confused in making the choice to go or not as she will really be happy to see you, plus you get to see your grandchild alot sooner and give him/her heaps of cuddles.

From my experiance my mum came with my for the birth of my first child and she was so happy about it and so was l.....she comforted me through the birth. Plus she got to see the pain l went through as she never got to go through labor with me or my siblings and still to this day she thanks me for letting her be there, as she never made it to my other 3  childrens births as she lost her eye sight suddenly. It brought us closer.

yes i would just go be there for your daugher ,put all your feeling aside  this one event  that you should  be at .Not alot parents are ask to be there for the brith of there  grandchild.

To me i wouldn't worry about your mum buying things for the baby . As the the child grow out things , think of something to buy for the baby thats going to be there for years to come .Then gets things for the baby like colths when they come on specail so he or she can grow into to them next year and the same with toys .

being one to ask my mum to be there myself and having other people worming their way in on my sons birth, my mum still came. because of the rule at my hospital ( 2 people at a time only) i really hoped the midvife said something about it (coz i wanted the father and my mum to be in there with me only) i would have opted the worms to get out before my own mother.

just go there, your daughter asked you and she wouldn't kick you out of the birthing suite knowing you are her mother and travelled so many hours just to be there for her.

good luck,

xx channy

I really feel it is important for a mother to be there for her daughter at these times. Your daughter obviously loves you very much, and if she didn't want you there she wouldn't have asked you to be there for her support!
Maybe your daughter just turned to her grandmother because she wanted a much older persons advice or perspective on things, or how her grandmother dealt with pregnancy when she was having you!
My mother is deceased, and not having her here for support is really hard for me to deal with at times! but honestly, if it is getting to you, i would ask your daughter to have a talk to her grandmother about your feelings....as because she wants you there it might help if your daughter says something tactfully.
Goodluck!

i feel that you should be there, your daughter has asked ,this is the sort of thing that if you didn't go it could make or break your relationship and once the baby is  born it's too late for "i should have been" or "i am  sorry"  i have had three children all of which i would have loved my mother to have been there and my husband just said no and i have regreted not putting my foot down with each and every one of them
it's not worth missing this is a very special time for your daughter and yourself and you have  plenty of time to tell your mother if she cant be there and enjoy the moment or the privilige of being asked in the first place then should she stay at home
this is your daughter your relationship and your grandchild dont miss it for the world
be strong ,stand your ground and be there for your daughter
good luck with this sweetie
i wish you all the very best

It sounds to me that you have alot of un-solved issues with your mother, steming back many years that has caused you alot of mental anguish, well all that has to be put on the back burner until after the birth of your grandchild. And then when you feel abit stronger i would advise you to address some of these unlying issues with your mother.

But the most important thing at present is that your daughter  ASKED you to be there for the birth and that should be all that matters, of course you should go and be by her side if you didn't go , you would live with regret of not being there for a long time. Be strong for your daughter and yourself, try to ignore the presence of your mother.

As far as gifts for your grandchild or daughter why not ask her what she needs the most, then let her know in person that you will get it for her so your mother has no time to intervene.

My heartfelt thoughts are with you, be STRONG.

 

Don't punish your daughter for your own mother's actions.  It's not her fault.  She wants you there and you should be there.  Not going could actually cause her emotional pain which might come between you in the future.  She doesn't sound to me to be the mental age of 16.  Just a woman about to give birth to her first child and desperate to have her own mother present for support and comfort.  Your issue is with your own mother, not your daughter.  Go to the birth and claim your right to be there .

yes of course you should be there, no question about it, don't be put off by all the stuff your mother has bought, your baby is having a baby and all she wants from you is to be there... thats it. if you don't go your mother will win, and have somthing else to rub in... and if you want to be the victum of that then that's up to you, but there's another side to this situation... your daughters... and right now, she need's your support and love, DO NOT forget that.

I think you should go because she wants you to be there dont repeat what your mother did and you will be fine. It is a scary thing giving birth and she feel that as her mother you will help her in some way.

OMG you should deffiantely go, my mother didn't attend my first birth due to distance and i wish she had of, my nana came and she gave me bad advice (she told the nurses to give me an epidural, which i didn't know what it was and my labour had only just started and i'm really pissed of the nurse didn't tell me what it was) if my mum had of been there it never would have happened, pleeease go, your daughter with love you for it (i  also was 18 and 2 weeks old when i had my first baby, and i carry a little bit of anger towards my mum for not being there for me) my husband was there but thats different