i was with the father of my unborn baby for nearly a year , i mis carried with my 1s baby, when i was preg the 1st time my exwould make comments about him hoping i would lost the baby and i f had it he would make sure i neva saw the baby. he has made comments about kidnapping my baby when its born (the only im preg with now) and so had his mother. He is also an alcoholic and a pokie and drug addict (addicted to Pot) when i was preg the 1st time he would push and shove me (as he has while im preg now) he was sexually abusive to the point id if id say no to having sex he would rip up my clothes and make me feel guilty, he has tried to kick my doors in and threated to smash windows, ect..
What are my rights to have supervised visitation and things like that, he ex is unable to look after himself.. as in bath him self make sure he has food and things like that. He also has a stomach ulcer and pancratitis and talks abou t wanting to killhimself and how bad his life is all the time, i dont want this influence around my baby.. what do i do?
Do you really want to put his name on the birth certificate?
If you do he automatically gets rights, if you don't he has to prove he is the father which costs money.
Just a thought.
I'm sorry to hear what your going through. I'm dealing with the same kind of ex you are. I have I have sole legal and physical custody of my 5 yr old daughter. I got that because my ex abused me too and I call police and they took pic's of my injuries. I got a restraining order right away and then got 2 more until 2yrs later when I couldn't prove he was still a threat. He also is a alcoholic,consistly unemployed so he won't pay C.S.,homeless and a druggie also. I am taking him to court for unpaided C.S. But, he has supervised visitation,because of those problems,at his parents house. I just found out that for the past 3 yrs they have been neglecting my daughter. Not to mention the times she has gotten headlice and I guess there is a cockroach problem. I'm fighting to end visitation with all of them! I have to go but if you have any ?'s I'll talk to you later.
the things he is saying are downright low. go to the police, explain everything to them (he may have been the cause of your miscarriage!) then see a solicitor and take the father to court befor the baby is born. This child does not need to have a father like him especially if he cannot look after himself let alone a child, and takes drugs! There are plenty of men out there who would be happy to be a father to your child and also treat you with respect. Please, do everything before the baby is born, you dont need the troubles after baby comes into this world.
i hope this helps,
I was in your situation in june 2005! I really do think it's time to go to the police, no matter of how afraid you are! This immature loser you are with is committing serious crimes, and if it not put to a stop, things could get worse!
I think you should tell the police what has been happening and tell them you want an AVO taken out on the father of the baby, chances are you will be granted one for 12 months and then you will have to renew it! If you cannot afford a lawyer then pay a visit to legal aid, they are a great help!
MizzJay - you need to run. If you possibly can, just dissapear. Don't listen to a man who says he is going to change. Violent men don't change - not with someone who they have already been violent with anyway and, even then, it's extremely rare. Remember that children learn what they live so you don't want your child around this man. At the same time, notwistanding all of his faults, the courts will not necessarily make the decisions that you want with regard to access, particularly if his mother is involved and willing to act as a "supervisor". I would run. If that mean leaving myself with no support structure though, then I would contact Family Services and start getting my support networks up and running before the baby arrives. Th isis the first of many decisions you will have to make in the interests of your child. Good luck.
Get up get out NOW!!!!!!!!! By staying there you are placing you and your unborn child at risk! Go to a women's shelter if need be, but get out and stop feeling sorry for him and his conditions, his choice of lifestyle has brought him to where he is today! You need to seperate yourself from this family completely living in fear in not healthy for you or you unborn child! This cannot be said often enough or strongly enough GET OUT NOW!!!!!!
For your baby and your safety, get out of there now before it gets worse, been there and it is not pretty, if he is anything like my ex he is going to be a dead beat dad. Go to a womens shelter,they will keep you out of harms way until you can get a better grip on your life. Don't take it anymore please. Ring LIFELINE and get help
keep a diary of all the things he has said to you and things he tries to do, there is no way a judge would give custody to an acholic and pot addict, go to the police get an avo if he has a history of aabusing you and you are scared for your life and your unborn babies go to the police explain the situation they will tell you your rights. can you stay at your parents place, or do you live by yourself? if you are scared make sure you have someone with you, iam terribly sorry this is happening to you but no one whether in a realationship or not has the right to demand sex that is sexual assualt, it might be hard but you nedd to out you and your babies safety first, i hope this can help you.and good luck, i am truly sorry this is happening to you. Britt xx
I would start with an AVO. Go to the police and have him charged. He is not allowed to touch you like that. As for ripping your clothes off and forcing you to have sex. Thats sexual assault. Don't stand for it any more. You have to think of yourself and your baby now. Go seek help. Places like life line can help you to get the help you need. Please for your sake walk away before it's to late.
Yeah, good point he should be charged, and remember you are NOT a cow. He is an ANIMAL.
The best addvice I was ever given, the first time a man hits you its his fault. each time after that its the womans for staying. good luck and you will be a great mum
unfortunately running doesn't solve anything, and if it did, i would have been one of the first to do it!
alot of people don't recognise the strength or the mindset of a drug addict and alcoholic in one! There strength is far more powerful than that of a normal person, and their mindset is so stuffed that they'll do anything to find the people in which they threatened, no matter how far he has to travel!
I have experienced this, and it wasn't a very nice thing!
I agreed with the others get avo out on him and also if he ringing you you can do the same with that , as theres a 1,000 dallors fine if hes does ring you. legal aid will point you t o the place .
Also i suguest that you move if you can afford it. Theres the other thing that you said as well he rip your colthes off , i think that be class as rape ,i would see where you stand on thoses grounds as well.
It be good as well if there other poeple around that wittness the abuses that been happening to you as it all go in your fravoure at the end of the day .Please take care and get help i be thinking of you my heart goes out to you
Yes, an AVO is a great idea. very easy to get, just go to your local court house. People like this dont need to be near babies. i think like merle said once child maintenance comes looking he will lose interest. Anglicare organise supervised visits, maybe go have a chat with legal aid or similar, im sure you'll find everyone is on you side, do you have family support?
Ive thought about that, but he said he is going to try and change and everything else, i dont want to be a Cow about it and make it come across like im just trying to control and stop him seeing his baby, do you think i should wait til the baby is born and then tell him that its only going to be supervised visits, to see how he reacts or just get it done? i want to do whats best for my baby and i dont want to take my baby away from its daddy, but i am terrified that if he has the baby for a weekend he will take off with the baby, and if i get the AVo i also have to deal with his mother who has also threated to take my baby, she thinks that becoz she works ful time, and becoz i suffer a social phobia and anxiety that she can take my baby.. can she?
Please take AVO's out against both...........they have to prove they are fit to be around you and the baby,leopards like this rarely change their spots.You can be optomistic about the ex from a distance.....put all the necessary protection in place you owe it to both of you.
Sweet heart get an avo against him for a start,next step go to family services with your fears and get some advice and pointers on how to protect yourself against him.I would move to make sure he can only have supervised access.Chances are once child maintenance comes into the equation he wont want any-thing to do with your Baby.I can't stress strongly enough to put into place the legal steps to protect you and the Baby.Keep us posted on how you go.Our thoughts and love are with you regards Merle
i agree a avo is the best way to do it. try and stay away from him as much as possible. sounds likes a similar situation my sister was in with her ex but she had 3 kids with him.anyways she ended up just taking the kids and not looking back got an avo and didnt tell him where she lived.i hope you work things out. love francine
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xx channy
