Hi there

I really feel for you.  My partner is exactly the same, seems to think that because he goes out to work he has the god given right to do nothing in the house and on the very rare occasion that he might cook dinner or sweep the floor he pretty much expects a round of applause for doing it! where I get absolutely no thanks for doing it all the time. I have two small children, one has just turned 2 and the other is 5 months (and an extremely bad night sleeper) and my partner works 7 days a week so I have to look after the children, do all the cooking, cleaning, washing, gardening and take care of all the finances 24/7. I feel alot of resentment towards him about it and despite numerous promises to help more he has got pregressively worse and worse over the years.

I can't really offer you any advice as I am in the same situation but wanted to let you know that you are not alone! I feel that I have lost my identity, I am solely here to look after the children and keep the house ticking over nicely. Theres got to be more to life that this!

Hey there well im the hubby and we have been together now for 11yrs and i have always been happy to clean up and wash up ,do the clothes washing and hang them out plus everything else she needs hand with even without getting asked too.I cant stand to see the house dirty which is hard considering 3 kids,1 with ADHD & ODD,1 teenager turning 14 shortly and another 9yrs old .I stay home now after 4yrs in 1 job and love to clean up whilst no-one home and keep it that way but that doesnt last.

Whilst wife was pregnant to last 2 kids i did it all by myself as she couldnt go in kitchen ,smell food make her crook,very bad morning sickness and yes didnt mind it at all either.I get great satisfaction out of sitting down later on and looking at the house and saying that clean,even though when the wife does housework also we clean up together and it looks great too,but with her working from 7am till 5-30pm its fine for me to do these things to help her out and make things better for the family also.She cleans up also mainly weekends when we have more of a chance but apart from that i dont mind at all,promise. 

I had to laugh as this is the point on which my husband and I disagree on. It is what our most heated discussions are about. For my husband, it all comes down to reward ... it's really a bit like Pavlov's dog!

I work 4 nights a week and half a day each weekend. Most nights I have dinner ready before I go to work.....well mostly ready. I had to start slowly ...so that he knows how long things need to be cooked , nuked or simply reheated and where those elusive settings are on the microwave. Lets face it....they will not starve. I tend to get the vegies cut up and the meat defrosted and get things started ( mostly so that I do get vegies and not a piece of steak on bread when I get home as the 3 main food groups when left to his own devices are meat, bread and tomato sauce) then tell him how long etc... before I race out the door. If the dishes are not washed when I return at 10.30 or 11.00 p.m and hubby is snoring on the couch. I chuck them into the sink and wash most of them..making as much noise as possible. Turn off the TV and the aircon ( which annoys him as he wakes up hot and sweating ) and go to bed. The following mornings are when I just can't seem to work up the energy to make breakfast.... the cause and effect tends to take a while to figure out, but does eventually work with a few subtle hints!

Some mornings I make toast and coffee for him...other mornings I don't -SEE ABOVE - I figure if he is too lazy to stick toast in the toaster , then he deserves to go without! The idea is SLOWLY does it. Men are generally creatures of habit and like to take the path of least resistance ....and yes, having a stand up argument is ultimately easier than cooking and washing up for yourself!

As for the clothes....... I have been know to collect every piece of clothing that he has left lying around the house ( in the bedroom, the hallway, the loungeroom, the bathroom ( next to the basket) and throw then into his boat or his car ( which are always perfectly clean) for as long as it takes him to notice. When he has and has then roared at me , I simply reply that it is really frustrating isn't it when you have spent hours making something clean and tidy only to have some lazy toad make such a mess! Followed up with a by the way, if you need them washed, all you have to do is put them in the laundry! Tends to work well for a couple of weeks before he needs a reminder!

Yes, often he does work very long hours and yes, then I cut him some slack and don't expect him to do much at all. However when he has spent an entire weekend at his leisure ( fishing, veging on the couch, socialising with mates etc)  I do get a bit resentful and start with the "withdrawl of priveleges "  eg: "I am so tired I just need to have a shower and go to bed - if you want dinner, fossick in the fridge."

" Sorry darling, I just didn't get around to doing the washing for the last few days " Despite the fact that every item of clothing except his is washed and folded in plain sight.

" You want what??? I am just to exhusted to even think about it! Goodnight!"

Sorry, I shoulfdn' make light of it so much as it is an issue that has driven me to the point of madness and irrational anger at times! But after the screaming tantrums I have decided that it hasn't gotten me anywhere( well I did feel better briefly!) and nothing changed. I decided that another approach was  needed and slow change with positive reinforcement ( without gushing every time he decided to get off his backside and help - tried that too and got sick of providing applause for simply emptying the bin ) did eventually work for me! Get ready for a few tanties on their part as change doesn't always come easily, but believe me, itis worth it if you are unhappy- you deserve what is fair and you have been working just as hard if not harder than he has ... except that your job has been 24 / 7 not 9-5 / 5 days a week! Don't feel guilty taking some time for you- you deserve it!

Well my ex was the same way did nothing at all  . So i know how you feel by trying get everything done in a day .I gave up in the end trying to get him to thing  it like talking to a brick wall .I lso gave up on trying to house work .

                                         I think parters  should help each other so they have time with the kids and each other . Good to hear though there are parters out there that do there share of work around the house.

  you can never change a person  exspeacily if he was like this when meet  ,

I have been married for about 4yrs now and it has been a little bit of a battle to get my hubby to pull his weight.  He used to work 7on 7off so on his week off he had to mow the lawn, wash the car, cook dinner one night and do dishes one night and once a month I had a whole weekend off where he would do ALL the housework from fri night til monday morn.  This worked really well.

Since changing jobs and having a baby he now works 4nights a week.  He does nothing all week, including fridays (his day off) then on the weekends I write a list of jobs to be done (for both of us) and we work through it together until its finished.  We also share baby duties on the weekends.  If Im cooking dinner, he will bath baby then I will feed him.  He gets up for the feed on Saturday nights (we take turns if bubs is having a rough night and wakes more than once) and Sunday nights he stays up all night so he keeps the monitor with him and attends to bub all night.

Like I said, this has taken some time to get in place and ALOT of tantrums! LOL  A friend of mine gave me the best piece of advice one day about marriage. 

"You cant change what is at a persons core no matter how hard you try.  You just have to work out if you can live with it!  If you can live with it, then it's a waste of time bitchin about it, if you cant live with it, leave"  I know its kind of brutal and to the point but I live by it in all my relationships.  I spent too many yrs thinking I could change people.  They never do.

my partners not always with me as he spends time with each of his parents,,

we went out on sunday and had a great day.

but i had to pack the baby bag get the bottles ready get the clothes ready etc,,,

then he asks me why did we leave soo late in the day and that he would of liked to be already gone by 10am

my responce was cause you where on your computer and if you wanted to leave early then why didnt you get the bottles ready pack the bag do the 4 loads of washing before we left

and clean the kitchen

he didnt say a word haaaa that was a suttle hint right there,

when we came home i brang the washing in went to do the shopping washed the blow up pool you name it

and he said to me whats wrong you look tied sit down ,, i said i would love to but i cant I have things that still need to be done ,, he said foreget about it i said nope cause then i will have even more to do when i wake up

he only gets sundays off ,,

he does change nappies and shower baby and make him a bottle everymorning before he goes to work thats if hes here and takes the rubish out everymorning and kill the big cockroaches , and plays heaps with his son

Im in the process of makeing up a list on what needs to be done and just leaving it next to his computer

HINT HINT haaaa

i shouldnt realy complain though he works heaps , i could be worse off

Everyone elses comments all sound great but I have a better one. Pack your bags and get on the next plane out of there. Then give him a call to apologise for not fixing dinner but you simply didn't have time with all the arrangements that had to be made organising the 10day holiday spa you have just arrived at. Just as you hear his jaw drop to the ground remind him sweetly that the rubbish needs to go out and he had better put the alarm on a half hour earlier tomorrow because he will need to fix his own breakfast. Half way through the holiday, send him a post card, WISH YOU WERE HERE DARLING!!!! ( there just wasn't time!)

My husband works sometimes 13 hour days and all I really want him to do is spend what little time he has playing with the kids. He is really good at that, He is good at the house work to and if he sees that things are starting to get on top of me he will do bits and peices to help me out. He mows the lawns and we both do the bins. If I ask him to do something he does it and if I am sick he does whatever I will let him get away with. I think that he really dosn't need to do more than he does. He works hard, he helps me with the kids and bits and pieces I really can't ask for anymore than that. He would do more if I let him but I have had to encourage him to go fishing or play golf. I think everyone needs a bit of a time out.

I hope things work out for you.

 Lexi xxx

Im a sahm and considering my hubby is only home for 2 days at the most per week, he does a fair bit around the place.

he will throw his clothes in the washing machine and hang them out when they're done.

he will cook dinner if i cant be bothered :)

he gets the kids breakfast, dressed, hair done, and helps make beds

occasionally he will vacum and do the dishes

and he does all the outside chores, mowing lawns, watering gardens

I cant complain, i even get breakfast in bed on a sunday morning :) :)

My hubby does do some housework like :

• Washes the dishes
• Put's dishes away
• Mow's the lawn
• Put's the bins out
• Helps tidy up after miss3.11

He doesn't do the dishes and put's them away all the time. It's about once a week he does that, and he does the bins weekly, and always helping me or miss3.11 to put her toys away all the time. He's a good little helper, but he didn't get this way until we were married and alot of patients. He doesn't mind doing all these things. He works and i am a SAHM and i don't expect him to do any more than he's doing.