Hi Wendigo,

I never heard from you after I replied to your very kind email. I was asking if you live near Sydney as I would love to get together and talk about our mutual problems in having our child living overseas. Please respomnd direct to my email address at: crazycol@people.net.au if you want to.

I recently completed a photo album and sent it to my child but have not heard yet as to her response in receiving it or if my ex actually allowed her to get it. You see I had an argument recently with my ex over the fact that she did not involve my daughter in the fact that I was having my birthday so I got no card, no present and no phone call from her. So sad that she cannot even share her Papa on his birthday as she sure looks forward to her own birthdays.

In the album I placed lots of photos of me and my surroundings. Small insects in the garden, views of where I live, me out working and sailing etc and each was placed in colourful drawings that I did with pastels and ink and comments for my little girl tor ead albeit in English that she cannot undersatnd without input from her mum who as I said above is cranky with me at the moment because I critised her for not telling my girl about my birthday.

I have been sick recently especially after my birthday when I heard from noone not even my own mum or brother. It was a sad lonely day and I was unwell and in bed alone most of the day hoping my child would ring to cheer me up. The next few days I got really ill and am still recovering.

I did get some photos of Antara from my ex's mother. It seems the only photos I get of Antara are sent by her. Rarely do I get any direct from my "ex".

Cheers for now and hope to hear from you.

Colin.

Thanks Wendigo,

I am already a keen photographer.    (See some examples:

See my photos here:
  http://www.sendpix.com/albums/07010402/f51q7fp9iz/   )

I love taking photos especially of nature as I am an Interpretetive Bushwalking and Adventure guide by trade. This is a great idea and I will start right away to go out in the back yard. I just took this photo, it is that easy:

As you can see it is a great place to take photos and lots of bush all around me with all sorts of creatures. I was an avid stamp collector so I might start sending her stamps that I get and include them in the photo album and some pics too. Great idea thanks heaps. Hey you seem to be in a similar situation to me. Are you by any chance near Sydney region?  If so what do you think of getting together for a coffee some time?

Cheers,

Colin

Hello Cheleinkal, you are truly an inspirational person. Thank you so much for your kind words and great ideas. I did already visit the library to get ideas from the other kids books and maybe just maybe I will offer the finished manuscript for publishing. I like your idea about an english german alphabet. Cool.

As for the photo of me and the tape that is also a wonderful concept which I will take up. Thanks heaps!

Colin

Sorry I may have been misleading here. It is not that her mother does not want her speaking English after all she has enrolled her in English clases at kindy, it is just that she was advised to stop using English at home as Antara was showing signs of difficulty in the clas and was trying to correct the teachers to Engkish pronuciations. My ex can be really difficult at times and often looses her temper but she is a good mum and most of the time is a caring loving person.

I have been sending letters to my daughter which she always gets and my ex does translate them so no need for an outside person. I usualy do them in colours with big words and pictures that I draw telling my girl about my most recent experiences. I also do send stickers especially cute ones of Australian animals and the other day I had to send an authority to my ex to allow her to move within Germany providing she tells me first, so I included a gum leaf and flowers from my garden that i pressed then laminated, so that she has something personal from my home.

What i am really confused about though is my ex right. is it harming my daughters ability to learn by confusing her with two languages?

Hi lexi,

When iI read your family woes I thought wow you have really had some challenges. It makes me feel that I am not alone in having a difficult parenting time with all my problems.

I know everyone tells me to keep using English and I know it is a better age to learn but in most situations like mine the father is near to the home of the child and has the child to stay or they live in the same house so they can use the second language and have an impact but I am remote from mine and it is so hard on the phone. I try and try to teach my girl over the phone but as soon as I do she goes away and only comes back when I start using German again. I think my ex maybe using some Englisg certainly she does when talking to me on the phone but it is not enough for a kid to pick up on. What is really hard is that because my ex never installed the webcam (computor illiterate) even when living where it could work, I cannot see my daughter when I am talking to her. Sometimes I am talking to her for ages telling her a story as If I was reading to her in bed only to find out that she had not been near the phone most of the time. My ex walks away now when Antara and I talk (as she has another baby to care for) whereas before she used to act as an interpretor.

She seems to feel by now I should have learnt German but it is not so easy. I live in the Blue Mountains and I am faced with a four hour return train journey to get to German classes in Sydney. Because of my life stresses firstly over my wife leaving me but then also finding out that I had a child I suffered a heart attack (twice) despite being super fit, vegetarian and a non-smoker. So now I am not fit enough to travel to Germany. Not only that  but I had thought of moving to Germany to learn German well and be near my daughter but now I have no money. I have been out of work since April and had to close down my own business due to the attack. Because of constant medical tests etc I cannot leave here either at the moment

 My life used to be so cruisey now it is very much a big question mark. The heart specialist told me the other day I could die at any time, nice guy, but then so could anyone really. Yet they still do not know for sure what is wrong with me and nothing may happen for years. All this makes it so difficult for me as I cannot now even be sure that I will be around to be my child's father when she might most need me. So every moment I have with her on the phone is a treasure to me. Sometimes she is not there or has gone to her grandparents and I might go for several weeks without any contact.  That is so heartbraking when it happens!!!

A summary of my challenged life over recent years:

2000 Married after 5 years together

2002  Australian Government reject my wifes residency application giving her 2 weeks to leave the country. Lodge appeal still battling in late 2002. Causes wife to get angry not feel she belongs here. Marriage starts to fall apart.

31 Dec 2002 wife walks out without anyword, come home and she has gone.

28 Jan 2003 get letter to say wife in Germany never coming back and immigration appeal withdrawn

20 Feb 2003 get letter from ex asking if I am going to take off or stay in Sydney but no explanation why she asks this and still no contact details for her

March 2004 get phone call to say my ex wife was pregnant when she left but did not tell me (for fear of being held in Australia) and that the child was already born and 8 months old.

July 2004 go to Germany find my ex wife is living with another man with my daughter since birth of daughter. More heartbreak. Accept officially the name given to my daughter and change birth certificate to show me as father( my ex told the German authorities that she did not know who the father was) .

August 2004 get letter from German govnmt asking for $22000 in back support monies and findout that the child's name that I had accepted was chosen by and connected to this other lover of my ex-wife. More heartbreak!

June 2005 close business again to go to Germany loose lots of business after bush fires had an already severe impact. Spent more than $10,000 in overseas legal fees for divorce in two countries. Money going fast after two trips to Germany and legal bills. Can't afford German legal counsel anymore try for legal aid there but they do not speak English and don't even get a translator so refused. Try one myself but he reuses as he doesn't get enough compensation from Government to handle overseas issues so am all alone. Several court decisions held without me or any representation - all in German. Decsisions held against me but I still now do not know what they were.

April 2006 have first heart attack. Business closed down. No income. Big medical bills as no health insurance.

Ex decides as I cannot fly she will come to Oz with the kids. She now has a kid to her boyfriend so now no chance of ever getting her to mo ve to Australia again.

My girl was born on the 28th August as was supposed to be in Australia for her birthday. Ex rings to say she has split up with her boyfriend and has cancelled the flights just 3 days before leaving. Devastated. Not only due to not seeing my daughter but I had her presents here and could not get them to Germany in time now for her birthday. Phone on her birthdsay but my girl did not want to talk to me. Ex moved to friends house lost contact with daughter for 2 months.   Nov. 1st ex leaves message that she is moving again and I will never find out where she is - ever. Taking out anger at boyfriend on me.

Nov 10 have second heart attack. More medical bills. Have to move out of rented premises into half built bush house of mine to save money. Still here  not fit enough yet to continue building it. No running water, no toilet (I use a porta potti), house is full of junk, no kitchen, cooking on a single camping gas burner, no drainage have to collect slops in buckets and throw outside. Get rats running over me (sleeping on the floor) at night and have been bitten by two spiders already. Interest rates on mortage have gone up so much this year I am spending more than my income so cannot change my situation. Selling everything I can to survive until fit enough again to work.

So this is where I am at now. Life is definately challenging for me. No wonder I am stressed out!

Hello Naya,

Thanks, some more great ideas. I never thought of making a game out of it. Mind you my German may be too basic at the moment to even get that far but I will do my best to try.

Unfortunately , after 2 months of feeling well I suffered another heart attack last night and was taken to hospital at 2.00am. I did try to contact my daughter just before and she was not home. Maybe I do really have a "broken" heart! Anyway i am back home again now feeling better believe it or not. I rang again tonight to Germany and when I told my EX that I had been to hospital again she responded with     "well then, perhaps you should sign Antara over to me totally if you are not up to it! "       NO JOKE.    What a real down and out bitch i thought. Not one caring bone in her body and no compassion either, just selfishness. Despite this I am not convinced that she is doing it deliberately, afterall she did tell me I had a daughter when she could have kept it a total secret from me. I think she was surprised when she did tell me and I did not react angrily or reject my child. She was shocked when my response was calm and happiness. I was elated as the greatest loss i felt after we split was that at my age I doubted I would want to invest the years again to get to know another woman before fathering a child with them.  I thought I had missed out. I am so happy to be a father despite the hurt it brings me.

I think the late hours phone calls to Germany, often repeated nights until I get through, are causing me to have irregular sleep patterns. Often I have to stay awake till 1.00am or later to phone back when my EX has told me they will be at home - despite having an arranged call time at a more reasonable hour. I do understand though that she does have another young baby to look after and because of his needs it is not always possible for her to comply with our agreement. The doctors suggested the lack of sleep is not helping my wellbeing. But does she care? No way!

I just got an email from her other EX, Harald, with whom she has 11 month old baby boy after my girl. She dumped Harald too. He a german in Germany and is having problems getting access to his kid. Harald and I have become friends, we even did a cycle tour together when i was in germany, so we are now sharing experiences over the same EX-partner. Funny world is it not?

I wish I was feeling totally healthy. I would move to Germany and do my best to be the father that my girl really needs. Perhaps then and only if she wanted, she would later want to live with her Papa instead of the cranky mum!!!

Cheers from Colin again.

Thank you for sharing your story with me if I can help in some way please let me know. A current affair has helped raise money for people before for this sort of thing I really think it is worth a try.

 Lexi xxx