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superstar | January 2007


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Help! Teenage school report

Hiya,

well, ds was meant to get his school report (he just finished year 9) in december. it never arrived, and on monday i called the school & requested a copy, which arrived today.

though ds denied back in december that it had arrived & he'd hidden it, i'm suspecting that that may in fact be what's happened, as we've NEVER had a report like it ever.

this kid is a naturally intelligent guy, consistently excellent results in his music, maths, science, english etc - he does extension work in both maths & science & music - this year he's doing VCE music.

so what a shock - he failed his AMEB music exam (!!!!!) and has quit the band (i am assuming that his teacher is so disgusted with him, that's why there's no other information about his performance for the rest of the year); failed to hand in major amounts of work for assessment, got below average in several mainstream subjects, and he barely passed his maths - this from a kid who usually gets between 90-100% on his maths etc.

so what do i do?
i know he didn't study (he believes he doesn't need to, that he's so smart it's beneath him - apparently a normal 'curse' of gifted kids), despite working out homework contracts with him, setting up his schedule & removing normal chores so he CAN focus on his work, he never seems to do it.

dh & i are about to instigate some heavy-handed tactics - banning all computer use except for homework - which will be supervised for the time being; banning all gaming consoles (wii, nintendo ds etc); banning all MSN contact with his friends (this will hurt); and not allowing him to go out with his friends unless all school requirements have been met (hence supervised homework)...

i'm also considering enrolling him in some tutoring for study skills & habits...

does anyone else have suggestions?
this is a kid who of his own free will decided years ago he wants to pursue medicine, and the way this report reads, he will be lucky to clean up the mess once the real doctors/researchers have left for the day...

help!
xx

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	January 2007 \| Deborahsc2203

Help! Teenage school report

talk to him , and also get to know his friends also ,, as some of them might not be as smart as he is so he might be trying to downgrade himself to fit in ,, also go to his school and talk to his teachers even if they where lastyear ones you can still make an appointment ..

mine also are going onto year ten this year ...

my boys are not allowed to play games or go on msn untill their work is done ,, we have a roster that they stick by ..

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	4.00 (Good) \| January 2007 \| claudine1

Help! Teenage school report

Wow this is the beginning of being a teenager. If he is in grade 9 he must have new friends if he started at a new school(high school). He did not show his report to u because he was embarassed and taking away everything at the same time might be a bit to hard. I don't want to freak u out but maybe have a calm talk with him and checked to see if maybe there is drug abuse in his new circle of friends. He is at a age to try new things and often when kids start being lazy at school and where fine before it could be a possibility. Just asked him what is really going on and down jump to conclusion. Try what u can and good luck.

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| January 2007 \| breannababy

Help! Teenage school report

As you realize this is not going to be easy at all......I think some of your ideas are great,if you bombard him with too much punishment he will rebel.I think you might get some where with him faster if you lay out all the situation in front of him and list the punishments you would like to impose.Let him be apart of the punishment and negotiate which will work or some that wont.......make sure there is no room for misunderstanding in regard to consequences.Perhaps you could agree to time reductions eg- if he proves he is behaving in some areas for a set amount of time you could reduce the amount of time in other punishments or curfews etc I would perhaps encourage a lot of get togethers with his friends at your home.........it is a fantastic way of keeping your finger on the pulse of a)Where these teens heads are at and b)picking up any little bits of information that may surface......you'd be surprised.May be he has had a total change of heart in what he wants to do for a career,and this is his way of getting around it without telling you directly.Maybe his bravado about not needing to study is a front?perhaps he did not do so well on a couple of assignments and he got scared about losing face and failing so has decided to put up a pretence of nonchelance.Let us know how you go regards Merle

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| January 2007 \| emmysmum

Help! Teenage school report

I am going to be straight to the point with you, and i apologise in advance if i offend you, or anyone else by what i say!

Banning your son from his friends or communicating to them via MSN won't solve any problems, neither will spying on him whilst he is using the computer for school work! I am a 19 yr old explaining things from a PARENTAL AND TEENAGE perspective!
Like your son, I never needed to study either, I was always at the top of the class, but then i started to mix with the wrong crowd and my grades started to fall.
I wanted to pursue a career in law, my grandparents pushed so hard for it to happen, that i dropped out of school after i received my yr 10 certificate! I then went on to tafe, not finishing the course....because my grandparents pushed and spyed, and limited what i could do. I met a boy, they didn't want me with him, i rebelled, left home 6 months later was pregnant and 9 months after falling pregnant had a little girl Father of bub left and was left to raise her alone.... I now have BOUGHT my own house and have gone back to school, all because my grandparents have stopped pushing (the schooling that is. the house was a must)
I advise that you have a talk to your son and ask him whether he will agree to having a tutor help him once a week! Also set some boundaries and have a family meeting....allow flexibility on the boundaries, also netotiate.
But i really believe that you shouldn't ban your son from his friends... because he will rebel and get sneaky....no parent wants that! And last but not least, if you want your son to pursue a career in medicine, encourage him to the right path, not push him, or he will just push in the opposite direction!
Good Luck

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	January 2007 \| superstar

Help! Teenage school report

hiya, and thanks everyone for their input.

re the medicine career - i do want to make it crystal clear that that is HIS preference - not ours, certainly not by any stretch. we're pretty liberal parents, which is possibly why he's bent the rules to suit him (we've had homework contracts, timetables, he's set his own punishments via discussion & negotiation in the past etc etc, we know his friends quite well... all of that)... as far as we're concerned, if he's happy selling hotdogs at 2am to drunks in stkilda, then that's fine - so long as he's happy & feeling fulfilled in his life, and doesn't harm people, i fully support whatever he chooses... so i did want too completely clarify that point.

dh & i have been discussing, and we do agree that cutting him off completely on msn etc is not the best thing to do, but we are removing his computer from his room, and he will have some time each day whereby he can chill out etc - but instead of 16 hours (like now in the holidays for example) where he's staring at the blooming pc, he will initially be on for a very limited time which we'll negotiate with him, and which he can earn back over time.

anyway... thanks everyone for your input, we've had a little more time to discuss together our strategy for dealing with it... hopefully it'll work... and like every single aspect of parenting, it all comes down to trial & error, and figuring out what works and what doesn't...

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	January 2007 \| emmysmum

Help! Teenage school report

oh yes i do understand that, and your son choosing the medicine career is how i interpreted it! Just sometimes (which is normal) parents push (thinking they are only encouraging) for there children to pursue there dream goal, whether it be a fabulous career, or to represent australia in the cricket team or whatever.
May i put a suggestion to you? If it were me dealing with the situation (which i know its not) I would remove the computer from the childs room and place it in the loungeroom (or whichever room had the most traffic passing by or was sat in the most ) and i would then tell the teenager/ child that whilst it is school holidays it would be greatly appreciated if he could participate in a family activity each day and do 2 chores around the house BEFORE he received 3 hours computer time! Then when it comes to school time, I would allow one hour for friends time and 2 hours for study....HOWEVER it would be greatly appreciated if you could help to clear the table after dinner!

I hope you can get some use out of this....because i am speaking from personal experience, as both teenager and parent! Good luck with your son!

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