not everyone has the same mothering ways! we do i feel take a lot on from our own mothers, but i myself find that i use her methods very scarcley, she was a very affectionate and soft stay at home mum, i on ther hand am not one for lots of affection, am stern and work! but love my girls none the less!

she yelled a lot and cried alot, two things i try very hard to avoid doing to my girls, but then on the other hand i still ask her advice when i need to!

i guess todays woman is lucky in that she has a little bit more freedom to be a person as well as a mum, ours mums where really put in a box and had much fewer choices, so they did things we may see as over the top etc.

you know in your heart you love your son, you will also find things that interest you both on a level that you get much enjoyment from, for me its sports ans outside activities, just because i dont necessarily enjoy a cuddle or reading a book together doesnt make me a bad mum or love them any less, and they are certainly not lacking my attention in any way, dont feel disheartened you will find your common interest and in the mean time remember you are already doing a great job for your child simply by being there! and loving him!

hello and thank you all for your replies it has helped me alot, i do think i can be too hard on myself,  and i know i go through the ground hog days, like i wake up in the morning and do it all again! it gets me down but thats the journey i guess of parenting. 

I do have issues with my own mum, we dont have any contact, its something i accept now, and the responsibility has dawned on me about raising my child.

I have had days when i feel guilty, being upset at being a mum, when i feel like i want to send him away to someone else . I get dreams i go on an interstate flight over night while he is in bed sleeping, that he wouldnt know i was gone. And in the dream i would be in another state, but ready to come back home i would be very anxious to get home to see how my son is. I have had many dreams of losing him and on waking up i am relieved to know it was just a dream!! IT tells me i must be a good mum.

I often get heart palpitations with stress, especially going to the malls with him as he runs off and does not listen to me.I get so upset in public i just hold it inside, i cant even buy one simple item. It breaks my heart.

 I have now resorted to hiring a kid cart to take him out in for a $5 hr fee. it works for about 20 mins then he gets out.My cousin just had a baby and is livin at home with her brothers and sisters and parents. I thought "Us" being single mums we could get together but it seems shes not interested. Im proud im doing it on my own anyway and i do have a back bone.

 Also i am very new to this, i am logged in, i did not know using anonymous titles offends ppl. I dont like re reading my posts as i did last week and am embarrased by what i had said and i was not anonymous for that.

Thanks anyway

I bet when u were pregnant, u thought it would be easier than what people had told u right? Of course everyone tells u the horrors of babies and u think, Nah, mine will be fine, we won't have any problems ect.....It will be sweet! This is what happened to me and I can tell you there have been days that I wake up in the morning and just think I cant do it again, not today, no more! Granted I did have a rough run with my first but even with my 2nd, i still had days of feeling resentful ( and feeling soooo guilty after they were asleep!) but after a few people pointed out how down I was not only about being a new mum but in life in general, I knew I had to see the dr. I didn't believe it was as bad as needing anti-depressants but it turned out that I did. 6mths or so later I was a new person and looked at things so differently and optimistically. I still had my short tempered crappy times but u get that even when u r not depressed. Please go to the dr and let them rule out post natal depression at least before looking further into it. There isn't the stigma these days of being depressed. Im sure in 6mths u will look back and think what was I so worried about! U never know, another baby may just not be out of the question!!!! All the best xx

I dont have a problem with replying to "annon" questions nor do most people on this site.  The "annon" option was put there for a reason, some people are scared of judgement and want honest answers and opinions.

I felt similarly with my first son, didnt understand all these "crazy" women who were that inlove with their babies.  My second son I feel completely different!  I am one of those "crazy" mums. 

I think it was because I was young with my first son and I had absolutely no idea what the hell I was doing and felt like the worst mother in the world.  This time around I know I did the best I could with my first son and Im not so critical of my self and the standards Ive set myself aren't so high so I think I am capable of feeling more than just fear of this baby.  I was petrified of my first kid.

As for your query about how we feel about our own mums.  I think it definately has an influence.  My mum was never about the hugs and kisses and lots of play times and I am very similar with my boys.  I used to hate it when I would climb up and try to touch my mums face and she would balk with horror at me but I cant help do the same with my kids.  I know its terrible but I just have a personal space issue. 

I am aware of when I do it and I try to make up for it but I guess its just programmed in there. 

Dont beat yourself up over it.  There have been plenty of days where I wanted to sell my baby on ebay when I havent slept for 3 days!  If your worried, maybe go and see a councilor (could be post natal depression?). 

Well i have a good relatiship with my mum  . As far as  having feeling of  enjoying the moment with your son  when you playing around  with him   every mum gets thats   and every mum  has though times that they hate beening one sometimes  , but that doesnt mean that your not meant to be mum

                                           

I think a lot of what we feel for our own Mothers can reflect on our own mothering.......If we weren't nurtured and loved as a child this can impede our own feelings at times......My own Mother was not very nurturing,I had a hard time feeling maternal with my son for awhile(I had an emergancy ceaser and didn't have the normal bonding experience)It took a lot of owning and accepting my past (mother)before I could learn to be maternal.......being maternal isn't a always a given,some of us have to learn how.If you have Mum issues(yours)I think you could see a counselor to help work through these issues.The more guilty you are about your own feelings the harder it will be to feel them for your child.You know not everyday is a huggies  day for all of us......We all have doubts and rash thought etc.I think if you get the help you need to assist you in working through your issues you will be fine.Please just stop beating yourself up no parent is perfect and family life is not often like the waltons or Brady's. Hugs Merle

That's a really hard question......a lot of people react differently with regards to their feelings about their mum's.  I know I was very disappointed with my mother but I am a reasonally good parent.  Maybe I wanted to break the usual cycle of the generations in my family.

But I do understand where you are coming from with regards to your sense of motherhood.  It's not all roses everyday.  Even Mum's are human and are allowed to have their ups and downs.

There is also a lot of responsibility in being a mum and a lot of hardwork and I know that I have days where I wonder whether I was cut out to be a mother.  I'm sure all Mums have them at times.  But there are a lot of good times too in being a Mum and those times are the times that make it all worthwhile.

It's hard for any Mum (or Dad) to feel that loving feeling all the time so maybe your being too hard on yourself.  Try to relax and enjoy playing, tickles etc with your son and know that when your doing all the other things to meet your son's needs and haven't the time to play with him, that your being a good mum then too and it will all be appreciated some day.

I hope this helps and cheers you up some - but yes you sound like a normal mum to me.  Cheers

 Well let me just say that I'm not real sure you'll get a lot of replies to this question unless you  " Log in " with a username.

 I personally am not comfortable with leaving a reply to an  "anonymous" member  although I do have some thoughts to share, so hopefully you'll come back, register ....if not already..... and sign in.

how do u feel about your own mom?