Hi, I agree with some of the others, it could be innocent but it looks and feels sketchy.  The main thing is that if you have expressed your feelings about the issue to him and he is still doing it.  If there is nothing going on it shouldn't be a problem for him to find other accomadation while he's there.  He should budget that in when planning his trip.  If he's telling you it's about financial practicality then he has to realize that while he may be saving money in regards to accomadation, he is going to pay a much heavier cost - losing you! 

Whether or not your feelings are rational to him is not the point.  They are real to you and if he is committed to you and to loving you, respect is part of the package.  He should respect you enough that if you say you are worried, hurt, anxious, sad... he should say "OK, if it bothers you that much I will find other accomadation".  And he should do it without making you feel like a hag and it's your lame issue. 

the wedding ring, he shouldn't be wearing it.  It's a sign of his committment to her and it's a slap in your face.  Why couldn't he have put it in his wallet - he guards that and wouldn't let anything happen to it.   There is no reason good enough that he should be wearing it.

I also wonder if you have met his son.  Does he ever come to visit you guys?  If not, why?  And your guy should be taking you along with him at least sometimes (I know it's probably really expensive).  But you need to get to know his son and he needs to know you if you are in a long term relationship that is serious (which it is seeing as you've been together so long). 

I find it to be more an issue of principle than anything.  The principle is that you have expressed your feelings and how lame you feel and he is not respecting those feelings.  It doesn't matter if he understands them or even agrees with them, it's not about him, it's about respecting you.  This is something you'll need to figure out in order to maintain a relationship with him because it's not just about this one subject, it's a core issue.  I think every couple should get some occasional counselling - just for maintenance.  We maintain our homes, vehicles to prevent problems, why in relationships do we wait for it to be broken and before we feel hopeless of it ever being restored before we do anything about it?

I wish you the best of luck and hope that he'll see just how much it's hurting you.  I really hope the two of you can figure this out.  Every relationship has something they need to work out.  You're not alone.  And I think it's great that he makes such a huge effort every year to travel so far to see his son.  That is a lot of love, expense, time and committment for him to do that, many dad's may not go to such an effort if their child(ren) is so far away.

Hi Skylee, i put a little input in your other question but now i have been thinking alot.....

i wouldn't understand... its supposed to be his son he wants to see not the ex wife, why doesn't he just pay for his son to come and spend the 10 days with you and him at your own place? there should be no need to see the ex wife at all let alone stay with her, she chose to cheat, she chose to move to NZ so why should he stay there to see his son, why couldnt the ex send his wedding ring through the mail? It sounds too suss, sorry. when my mum and dad split up, my dad never stayed with my mum to see me and my sisters, he payed for us to take the trip and see him for a couple of weeks.

i really dont know how you still do it, if it were my partner doing the same, he'd come back to an empty house and a pile of his burn't belongings at the front door LOL!!!

xx channy

no this isn't right he should get seperate acomodation while he's over there, or you should go with him, this sounds really dodgy to me

Thank you everyone, i am starting to feel a bit better now that i know that im not just being insecure, i cant wait to show him these answers, bring them on my fellow mintarians.. also happy to hear from people who dissagree with me... keep the balance...

once again thank you everyone.. my day should go alot smoother today, (even though tickets are due to be purchased sometime soon)

Skylee

ohhhh boy.. no no and NO.. is there a NEED for him to stay at his ex's house?. i hardly think so.. tell him to get a hotel..as for the ring...no way... he's either married, or he's not... when i removed my wedding right after my ex and i split it was a massive deal.. i was telling the world that i no longer considered myself married.. to some a wedding ring is purely a symbol.. to me it is a statement.. a statement that proclaims that you proudly belong to ONE person.. i can't be blase` about the wearing of a wedding ring.. there are a million OTHER places he could have put it besides his finger...if he wants to keep it for his son .. then goodo.. but put it away for safe keeping..   i dont see any consideration for your feelings at all... has he even bothered to ASK you how you feel about the whole situation?... im sorry honey.. youre either this mans partner or youre not... if you are. he wouldnt even consider going OS without you... best of luck... xoxo

I'd have a problem too; that's just not right.

It could very well be innocent, but honestly, he should be a lot more respectful of your feelings.  I mean A LOT more respectful of your feelings.

Regardless of whether or not it's innocent, I would seriously consider whether I wanted to be with a man that is so inconsiderate.  I mean, I understand he wants to see his child, but there's no reason he can't, at the very least, stay at a hotel.  Though I prefer the suggestion about you taking the trip with him.

Even if you only went with him once, you'd be able to pick up any inappropriate (or not) vibes for yourself, then have a little more peace of mind.

The first Christmas I was with my husband, he asked me if he could spend the night at his ex.'s house (in his son's room) so that the kids would at least have Christmas morning together.  Now, it never happened, because his ex is a major wack-a-doo, that considers Christmas too much work, therefor, we always get the kids for ourselves.  But he was so appologetic and thoughtful for my feelings.  Never once did he suggest my feelings weren't legitimate and unnessesary.

Maybe you should tell him you're going to stay with your ex while he's away, because you're uncomfortable being alone for so long.  See if he likes it.

I have to agree with mony. It could be all innocent but I don't like the sounds of it at all. I usually try to be opptomistic but this dosn't sound right. I think you need to really search how you feel because if you were sure that there was nothing wrong you wouldn't have written this question. If you trusted your partner then you wouldn't have these feelings. Really search yourself to find the answers. Good luck and I hope everything is ok

 Lexi xxx

No i don't think its right for him to staying at his ex parters place at all,reguardless  if he has a son to her. Can't here find a place to stay while hes over there instead  at her places . I dn't blame you feeling this way .

As far as the ring goes to me he could of put in his suitcase or somewhere elese instead of on his hand .Its makes me think they go around as a marriaged couple ..

Why don't you both go over together  as a faimly  instead of him going alone  just it one trip a a year and stay longer

 

whoa. ok well he could very well  be completely innocent, and for your sake i hope he is but me being the sceptical person i am is wondering why cant he  get a hotel instead, and why couldnt he have put the ring in his wallet or something so that he didnt lose it? it really doesnt need to be on his finger thats for sure. hmm sorry hun i just dont like the sounds of that, even though im sure theres a logical explanation for everything.